


Healed and Coerced AU

by pmw



Series: Healed and Coerced AU [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Accidental Self Harm, Barb - Freeform, Explicit Language, Famethyst, Garnet - Freeform, Heavy Angst, Holly Blue Agate - Freeform, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), Jasper has so many ✨issues✨, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s04e04 Mindful Education, Pre-Episode: s05e29-32 Change Your Mind, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Some blood and gore in an early chapter, Steven Universe AU, Violent Thoughts, amethyst - Freeform, connie maheswaran - Freeform, greg universe - Freeform, pearl - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 70,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pmw/pseuds/pmw
Summary: Set shortly after Mindful Education. Steven heals Jasper’s corruption, much to her disapproval.Jasper has to learn to adjust. Her form is now flawed with corruption scars, and because she can’t go back to Homeworld, she is forced to live with the Crystal Gems.
Series: Healed and Coerced AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753003
Comments: 15
Kudos: 73





	1. Unbubbled

**Author's Note:**

> I love reading about Jasper redemption fics that were made before CYM, and although I didn’t watch the show back then, I wanted to make my own.
> 
> Some canon events will be addressed, like the Zoo arc. However, they will be canon divergent, and more from Jasper’s perspective.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 1: Healed corruption
> 
> Steven decides to try and heal Jasper, after accidentally connecting with her corrupted gem in his sleep.

Jasper has never told a lie before. She has avoided telling lies by staying silent when her opinion was asked. During the war, gems used to accuse her of lying. In reality, what she has said only seemed like a lie, because her opinion was ‘wrong’. So she mostly stopped expressing her opinions. 

Until she came back to Earth.

She was with an Era 2 Peridot, and a captive potentially traitorous informant, Lapis Lazuli. If they told her she was lying, it didn’t matter. They both were beneath her, it would be her word against theirs, and she was not only superior to them, but a decorated war hero. They would take her side.

As confirmed traitors, those Crystal Gems were also beneath her. For once, Jasper was surrounded with inferiors, and she took that as an opportunity to be a bit of a dick.

The only way she could feel good about herself was by other dragging people down, although that didn’t work out too well for her.

Especially not now that she was in a bubble.

“Even though she’s bad, I don’t think she deserved this.” Steven and Connie looked up at Jaspers bubble, this was the first time Connie had gone into the temple’s basement. “I don’t think any of them deserved this.”

There were so many corrupted gems in bubbles, Steven didn’t want to know how many, but sometimes wondered if the Gems kept count.

“I know, but we can’t help her right now. I’m sure everything will be okay once we find out a way to heal everyone, including her.”

Steven sighed. “I know, it just. Looking at her bubble up there, it feels different to the other corrupted gems. I know she thinks I’m mum, and tried to kill me and everyone else... more than once... but I know her... so seeing her up there...” He trailed off.

It was the week before that they had done fusion training as Stevonnie, where their guilt fulled hallucinations took over them. Steven had been spending a long time trying not to think of any of it, but for the last week she couldn’t stop thinking about Jasper, Bismuth, and Eyeball. 

“She wouldn’t let me help her.”

Connie put her hand on Steven’s back. “That’s not your fault.”

Steven sighed. He wanted to talk about what had been happening over the last week. He felt like he couldn’t tell the other gems, but maybe he could tell Conn-

“You two shouldn’t be in here.” The children turned around to see Garnet with her arms crossed.

“Steven was just showing me the basement! It’s so cool in here, I can’t believe you can fit this entire place in the temple.”

Garnet hummed at the children. “Next time ask first... Connie will be leaving soon. It’s better if you two get out now.”

The three of them left the temple. “Isn’t this the same door we came in? How can we go through a door into one room, go into a different room, and then leave out the same door?”

Steven and Garnet looked at each other and giggled. “Magic”

Later that night, Steven had gotten ready for bed, and was about to walk up his stairs when the temple door opened. Garnet walked out.

“Hey Garnet.” Steven yawned. “I’m just going to bed... goodnight.” He rubbed his eyes, and when he opened his eyes again, she was standing in front of him. She knelt down to his height, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I know you feel bad about the things that have happened. I also know that you feel bad about the corrupted gems, and in the last week I’ve sensed that since you saw a gem you knew get corrupted, those feelings have worsened.”

Steven looked away from Garnet. “I guess you’re right.”

“Remember that you need to see your problems clearly, to be able to overcome them. I’m sure you’ll do what’s right, but for now,” Garnet moved her hand from his shoulder to his head “this cutie pie needs to sleep.”

“Gaarrneett.”

Steven laid on his back and closed his eyes. He fell asleep. 

Over the last two nights, he had been suspecting he had been communicating with Jasper while he slept, like when he had been going into Malachite, or more recently into Kiki’s dreams. Tonight things felt different, for starters, his dream didn’t start as his own.

The first night he dreamt about crying breakfast friends, until the tears flooded around him and when he tried to swim away, he saw Jasper clawing at her wrists, trying to get the water chains up. She turned to face him, it looked like malachite was spreading over her face like corruption. She tried to scream but nothing came out, not even bubbles.

Steven had woken up, struggling to breathe. Jasper must be inside her gem, reliving bad things that had happened to her. Maybe she was still conscious? Her corruption was different to the other gems...

The next night his dream started with him riding dog-copter like he could Lion. They were flying after the bad guy, but when the missile dog-copter shot out of his butt hit the ground, Steven hit the ground as everything around his changed. There were loud explosions, and large Quartz soldiers running all around him.

He covered his ears until there was a Quartz running at him instead of past him. Her eyes almost glowed as she growled and lifted her head up to hit Steven with all her might, until she saw who it was. 

“Jasper?”

Her pupils dilated, smaller. “Rose.” She yelled out in pain, her form started to from blue-green spikes as she dropped to the ground. He began to take a few steps closer to Jasper, then she suddenly grabbed his foot, and looked up at him. Her eyes looked like they were missing as a black liquid was oozing out of them.

“This is your fault.”

He woke up screaming, kicking his blanket off of the bed. He only calmed down when he saw there was no one touching him. His panic alerted the other gems, but he brushed it off as a bad dream and went downstairs to have breakfast. Insisting it was no big deal.

Tonight, his dream started in the Beta Kindergarten. There was no war, and no water; it was hot and dry. He knew it wasn’t his dream because he was aware it was a dream, and he could just feel it, he didn’t know how to explain it.

“Haven’t you done enough Rose?”

Steven turned around to see Jasper sitting in her exit hole. Her back was leaned against the side, and her legs were curled up to her chest, her eyes closed.

“My existence was torment the second I emerged because of you. Now you keep popping up during my punishment, in a memory you shouldn’t be apart of.”

“Jasper, I’m not Rose.” She grunted. “My name is Steven. Look at me, do I look like a gem? I’m half human.” Jasper didn’t look him. “Rose is gone.”

“No, Pink Diamond is gone, you’re right here.”

Steven sighed. He looked around, nothing seemed to be happening. “This is a memory?” Jasper stayed silent. “It doesn’t look too bad, almost peaceful- is it a good memory.”

“It’s just a memory. It doesn’t matter what it was.”

Steven looked at Jasper and hummed in thought. “Well, if it doesn’t matter, why don’t you tell me?”

Jasper sighed, loudly. She had a feeling Rose wasn’t going to leave unless she got what she was asking about. It’s not like Jasper could do much, she knew she wasn’t formed, but Rose was. She could keep coming back as many times as she wanted, and there was nothing Jasper could do to stop her.

“I heard the news about the evacuation before most people. It wasn’t going to happen for another three hours, so I took the opportunity to visit the Kindergarten.”

“Awe, you wanted to say goodbye to your home.”

“You may think this shithole is paradise or whatever, but to me, Earth isn’t home. It was more like saying goodbye to a prison cell.”

“Then why do you look so miserable?”

Jasper jumped out of her hole to yell at Rose. Anger is her first defence. But when her feet hit the ground her memory shifted to her corruption, and so did her form. It caused her to fall forwards onto her hands. She looked at the ground in shame.

Steven stood back. “Jasper, I wanted to help you. I really did. I-“

“I don’t want or need your help. I just want you to disappear.” Jasper stood up, her corruption spreading the same way it did when she was actually corrupting. “Stay out of my gem.”

“I have the ability to heal you. I can heal you, please?”

“So you can torture me? No thank you.

“No torture. We won’t hurt you, if you don’t hurt us.

“So you’re going to heal me as a form of manipulation. Then use me to do whatever you want, because I will ‘owe you’ for healing me.

“NO. Jasper! There will be no torture, no manipulation, and no one is going to be used. I promise.” Steven held his hand out to Jasper. “You have my word, I wont hurt you.

“Why should I trust you, Rose?”

“Because, I’m not Rose...” Steven sighed. “and all I want to do is-“

Jasper lifted her arms above her head fast, causing the corruption to spread even quicker. “STAY AWAY FROM ME” 

“NO! I WANT TO HELP, JUST LET ME HELP!” The sandstone walls turned a dark pink colour as Steven yelled at Jasper. “I AM NOT ROSE, all I want to do is help people Jasper, please. Let me heal you.”

The sandstone around Jasper’s exit hole started to crack. Steven looked up as Jaspers put her hands together. “You can’t help me.” 

All Steven heard the glass tracking, as she slammed her hands down into his skull.

Steven woke up with a pounding headache. He didn’t move, and didn’t open his eyes.

“Do you think he’s okay?”

“He’ll be fine.”

“Garnet you don’t know that!”

“Come on P, it’s Steven. He’ll be fine.”

“But he sounded so scared.”

“It was probably just a nightmare. You’ve had nightmares before.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Oh, so you like dreaming about hugging Greg on a pizza? And when the pizza was coming out of his mo-“

“WHAT!

“Stop it you two. He’s waking up.”

He sat up and opened his eyes to see the gems sitting around him on his bed. He was sweating. The blanket moved off of him, and he caught the light in his gem dimming.

“Aaaaa! Steven, are you okay?!”

“I’m fine. But, can you be a little quieter? I have a headache.”

“See, told you he’s fine.” Amethyst got off the bed and stretched. “Anyways, I’m gonna go scare doughnut boy into giving me doughnuts. Laters.” Amethyst shape-shifted into a giant spider, and walked out of the house.

Steven waited for Pearl to stop fussing, and it felt like she wasn’t going to. Until Garnet intervened. She shifted her visor. “Pearl, you need to go down to the doughnut shop. Amethyst is making trouble.”

Steven sighed as he sat at the kitchen bench, staring down at his cereal. “Garnet?”

“I lied.”

“About what?”

“About Pearl needing to go to Amethyst.”

“So she’s not making trouble?”

“Oh, she is. But Pearl didn’t need to go. I could tell you wanted to tell me something.”

Steven giggled, and took his time to work out what to say. He did want to tell the gems, but felt like he couldn’t. He almost told Connie, before Garnet showed up. Garnet does have future vision, maybe she would be able to tell him if it would work or not.

“I- Remember how I tried to heal centipeetle?”

“You want to try and heal Jasper.”

“I-“

“You think because she was corrupted differently, and more recently than the others, that you could heal her.”

Steven looked up from his cereal to Garnet. Her visor mirroring his face.

“She wouldn’t let me help her while she was corrupting, but if I can use my healing spit on her gem before she comes back...”

Garnet shifted her visor. “There is a chance she won’t listen, even if this does work.”

Steven put the bowl up to his mouth and tilted it up, drinking the rest of the milk. He used the sleeve of his pyjama shirt to clean his mouth. “So... you’re saying there’s a chance it will work?”

Steven got ready to summon his shield as Jasper’s gem slowly began to glow on the basement floor.

Before Steven could ask Garnet if this really was a good idea or not, he heard the temple door open. “Gaaarrrnet, why did you send me out to get Amethyst, she wasn- What are you doing!”

“Is that Jasper’s gem!”

Garnet motioned for the two gems to be quiet, and they jumped down to behind Steven. They began to whisper.

“Why isn’t she in her bubble?”

“Steven is trying to heal her.”

“Why would h- wait, that’s not normal.”

They all looked down at Jaspers gem. Her light inside her gem was flickering, like a torch low on batteries. They’ve seen corrupted gems reform before, and they reform very similar to a regular gem, but this didn’t look healthy.

Her light began to seep out of her gem, and the gems all summoned their weapons. Steven stood there with out his shield.

“Do you think it worked?”

Jasper’s gem was still on the ground, a pool of light around it. It suddenly rose to above their heads. The light started to rise up with it, and her form began to take shape.

“I don’t think so, bud/ She still looks spiky.”

“Not on her whole body.”

“Guys, please, be quiet.” Steven held his hands out in front of him. “Jasper, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

Jaspers light took form, and dropped to the floor with a loud thud. She didn’t make a noise, and she didn’t move.

“Jasper? It’s Steven.”

“Be careful.” Steven nodded at Garnet, the three gems had their weapons at the ready. 

Jasper had landed on her side, her back to the gems and Steven. He slowly walked up to her. “I’m not going to hurt you Jasper.”

Steven was one more step away from stepping on her, and she still hadn’t reacted. “Jasper?”

Steven took a half step forward again.

“Steven be careful!” Pearl was whispering, but her voice wasn’t any less erratic as if she had of been yelling.

“Uh. P? Something tells me he doesn’t have to be careful.” Amethyst put her whip away with a flash of light. Garnet shifted her visor and did the same.

“She’s not a threat.”

Steven leant down next to Jasper. “Is- is she dead?”

“Steven, when a gem is dead, their gem is shattered. It’s impossible for her to be dead.”

Steven cautiously put his hand on a spot on Jasper’s shoulder.

“But... why isn’t she moving?”

“I don’t know.”

Steven gently pulled on Jaspers arm to roll her onto her back. Her eyes and mouth were closed, and she wasn’t moving at all.

He started to panic. “She’s not even breathing, I know gems don’t need to breathe, but you do anyways, without realising. Even if you’re asleep.”

“Hmmm.” Garnet lifted her hand to shift her visor, but Steven’s worried voiced stopped her in her tracks. He started to sob.

“She didn’t want me to try and heal her... What if I made her worse? This is all my f-“ Garnet knelt down and placed her hand on Steven’s shoulder instead of her visor.

“It’ll be okay Steven. Let’s take her back into the house, she will be safer under out observation.”

Steven looked back down at Jasper, and gently touched a hand to one of her horns. They couldn’t know for sure if she was fully healed, but at least her form seemed to be mostly better.


	2. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 2: Healed corruption 
> 
> Jasper regains consciousness, and she can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.
> 
> Was it her? Or did ‘Rose’ do something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a bit of a gore warning. It involves Jasper throwing up blood, (unknowingly) scratching herself, and having a panic attack which causes her to black out.

“We were starting to think you weren’t going to wake up.”

Jasper slowly sat up while groaning. “What happened?”

“We were hoping you could tell us that.” Jasper saw that only the fusion was in the room with her, wherever that is. Jasper assumed she was in their base.

She wasn’t making sense, how could Jasper tell her what happened when she didn’t know what happened? Why did she think she would? Even if she did know, Jasper wouldn’t tell a traitor, especially not this one.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” 

Jasper started to cough. It was a light cough at first, but it got louder and louder. She couldn’t stop, and it began to hurt more as it continued.

She didn’t realise that it was dark until Steven turned the lamp on, her coughing had woken him up. She hadn’t heard his frantic footsteps coming down the stairs, she hadn’t heard him approach. That would have concerned her if she wasn’t coughing so hard.

Why was she even coughing?

She couldn’t help but notice her shirt was different, before she recoiled to cover her eyes from the sudden light from the lamp. The straps of her shirt were brown, there were light curved diagonal stripes across her chest, and part of her torso was a deep pink colour.

“Jasper? You’re back! Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I just wanted to help. I-“ Steven tried to walk closer to Jasper, but Garnet had put a hand on his shoulder, cautioning him.

The light was painful. ‘ Is this how Rose will be torturing me?’

“Steven. Go back to bed, she’ll be okay by morning.”

She wanted to close her eyes, but once she noticed the scar on her left hand, she couldn’t stop staring, eyes wide. She managed to yell “What have you done to me?” in-between coughs.

“We did nothing. You did this to yourself.” Jasper looked up at the fusion, and tried to grit her teeth in an attempt to growl, before she began to throw up.

She had nothing in her stomach- she didn’t even have a stomach. What was coming out of her mouth looked like pure light, before it faded to show thick red blood. She had never bled like this before.

Her coughing caused the blood to sputter over her hands, and the wooden floor in front of her.

Jasper could see human feet out the corner of her eye. No, not human, it was Rose. Her fingernails sharpened into claws, as she began to feel her anger distracting her.

“Rose!” She lifted her arms above her and tried to get up to charge at Steven. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Steven summoned his shield, as Jasper tried to hit him with her full weight behind her. Garnet summoned her gauntlets, but didn’t jump forward to protect Steven, as she watched Jasper do something she had disregarded as an unlikely future.

Jasper had stopped coughing, but she was still throwing up her light. Her claws were wrapped around the edges of Steven’s shield. She sunk to her knees, and rested her head on the shield.

She had lost. This time retreat wasn’t an option. She didn’t know what to do. Something was wrong, and she couldn’t figure out what to do.

She made no move to acknowledge anything that was happening around her, as she continued to throw up onto the pink shield, Rose’s symbol taunting her.

Steven kept the shield up so that he wouldn’t get her blood on him... her light on him?

It took a while for her to stop. When she stopped, she just sat down, and hugged her legs. She made no effort to clean herself up. She just... sat there.

Her eyes were wide open, and she was non responsive. She was looking outside through the door.

“Steven, go back to sleep.” Garnet shifted her visor. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

Steven rubbed his eyes. “Okay Gar-“ he yawned “-net.” He walked past Jasper, he was concerned for her, but knew he couldn’t do much for her while he was tired and she wasn’t answering him. He gently put her hand on her shoulder, where a corruption scar was.

She flinched. 

He quickly removed his hand. “Sor-“ He didn’t finish his apology, she wasn’t going to listen, and even if she did, he knew she would throw it back into his face. “I’m... glad you reformed.”

The lamp was turned off as Steven walked up the stairs, and Garnet sat down on the couch, positioned to watch Jasper.

Garnet’s task of standing- or sitting- watch, was uneventful. Jasper didn’t move, even as the sun slowly started the shine in her eyes, reflected by the ocean.

When Steven had woken up, he had tried to speak to her, but she stayed silent. Her eyes didn’t follow him as he walked past.

She was still covered in her blood, that had mostly dried, both on herself and on the floor. Eventually the other Crystal Gems came into the room, and started to comment on the scene before them. 

Pearl complained about Jasper’s behaviour as she began to mop up the blood around Jasper, making sure not to touch her with the mop or the water.

But she quickly tuned it out. She tuned everything out. Jasper sat there for hours. Even the blood that had pooled in her lap had dried. It wasn’t until the middle of the following day that Jasper spoke.

“Rose.”

Steven looked up at Jasper. He had been reading a book on the a cushioned seat at the front door. “Please, call me Steven.” He got up and cautiously walked towards her, the other gems in the room watching Jasper for a reaction, ready to protect Steven if she attacked. “Jasper, I know that you don’t like me, because you think I’m my mum, but I just thought if I healed you, you migh-“

“Dissipate me.”

“Wh-what? I don’t understand what that means.”

“She means poof, Steven. Dissipate is the formal term for poofing... although I don’t understand why sh-“

“I won’t even fight it. Just dissipate me, and put me in a bubble.” Jasper laughed at herself. 

‘Stars, you’re so pathetic. If your Agate saw you now... 

At least I didn’t say please’

Something felt wrong... off. Jasper couldn’t put her finger on it.

‘I’m not really like this, am I? Rose had to of done something to me, right? 

There was nothing she cound do, not as a Rose Quartz. Not with Earth’s primitive technology.... Don’t you realise you really are just this pathetic? 

I’m a Jasper, I’m supposed to keep fighting until I get what I want. I never give up, I retreat until I can get an advantage.

What is wrong with you?’

Jasper was so caught up with the internal argument with herself, that she couldn’t tell how shocked the other gems were at what she was asking. They were talking between themselves, as Steven tried to speak to Jasper. 

They didn’t know what to do.

Garnet had misjudged and considered this future unlikely, and prepared for a future where Jasper would try to attack ‘Rose’, but she didn’t know what to do with a gem who  wanted to be dissipated. None of them did.

‘Who am I kidding? I already threw away my hopes of returning to Homeworld when I fused the first time... I’m a disgrace. 

You  need to be purged.’

It took Jasper a few minutes for her to register she was being spoken to.

“Have you decided to dissipate me yet?”

“I- didn’t you hear what I just said?” She didn’t respond. “I want to know why you want me to dissipate you, Jasper.”

“Look at my form and figure it out for yourself.”

“Steven, I think we need to look at things from a Homeworld perspective.”

“But I don’t know anything about Homeworld! Except that it’s... bad?”

“I know, but the three of us-“ Pearl glanced at Amethyst. “I mean, Garnet and I do. Jasper’s form has been... altered, by corruption. She can’t go back to Homeworld, they would shatter her.”

“We can only assume she feels like she deserves that.”

“No! I know we don’t know her that well, but I do know that she would never think she deserved to be shattered!”

“So, like. Why don’t we just, get her to clean herself up, and then talk about what happens next?” Amethyst was trying to play it off, but she felt genuinely concerned for Jasper. Even while she was corrupting, she didn’t look so defeated. Maybe she did feel like she deserved to be shattered.

“I don’t make negotiations with traitors.”

“Maybe not, but right now, if you want to get your own way, you have no choice.”

Jasper tried to asses the situation she had gotten herself into. 

‘Look at you, you’re already a disgrace in Homeworld’s eyes. If you cooperate, you could get could get removed, like Homeworld would want. 

I don’t want to talk to them, or listen to them. I definitely don’t want to cooperate... I want to run away.

Of course you do. You’re so pathetic- you don’t deserve that freedom.  I deserve any punishment they give me. 

It’s what your Diamond would want.’

Jasper didn’t move. “I refuse to betray Homeworld.”  ‘You already have’ 

She sighed, loud enough that if anyone one was on the veranda, they would have heard her. “But I will cooperate- but I won’t give you any information that could give you any sort of advantage, or understanding of anything you’ve missed on Homeworld.”

“Peridot had a similar agreement with us, before she became a Crystal Gem.”

“I will never become one of you.”

Jasper hadn’t moved during the whole conversation. She didn’t want to. She wanted to stay curled up in a ball, she also wanted to lay down and dissipate.

But the Crystal Gems wanted her to wash herself off, so Jasper stood in the small room that Rose had called a bathroom. Her arms felt heavy at her sides. 

She was watching as Rose started to fill the bath with water. She only filled it half way before she turned the water off. Jasper watched her put her hand in the water, shake the water off, and wipe her hand on her material clothing.

“This water should help you clean up. I made it nice and warm for you.” Steven handed Jasper a soft cloth. “You can scrub off with this. I’ll leave you to get yourself clean.”

Steven started to walk out of the bathroom, but noticed Jasper hadn’t moved. “Uh, do you know what to do?” Jasper didn’t answer. “Just, sit in the bath, wet the cloth, and scrub off the mess. Do you think you can do that?”

Jasper continued to stay silent, however took a step towards the bath so that Rose would leave the room. She stopped in front of the bath as she heard the door close. She looked down at her reflection in the water- while she couldn’t see it clearly, she hated what she saw.

She quickly turned away, only to come face to face with the mirror, where she could clearly see her face.

She could see that dry blood was covering the bottom half of her face, and her chest. There was blood on her arms and hands.

But she didn’t care about that. She hadn’t noticed the corruption scar on her shoulder before she saw it in the mirror, and when she went to bow her head in shame, her horns came into view of the mirror.

She wanted to rip her horns off. She wanted to claw at her scars. She was no better than the gems in the other room, and now that her form showed it, she couldn’t deny it.

She balled her hands into fists, and noticed the texture of the cloth in her hands. It was soft. She didn’t notice that it was distracting her from her anger, and calming her down. Gently rubbing the cloth between her fingers felt comforting... until she accidentally ripped a hole in the middle of it.

She wanted to get frustrated with herself, but she just found it funny how pathetic and fragile things made on Earth were.

Jasper put one foot into the bath.  ‘The water is warm. So at least there was something Rose hadn’t lied about.’ She put her other foot into the bath and began to sat down.

The bath was small, relative to Jasper, so sitting in it was uncomfortable, and not as effective as it would be if someone smaller, like any of the gems outside the bathroom door were the one’s who were sitting in there to clean up.

Some of the water flowed out of the bath, and onto the floor.  ‘Am I going to be punished for this?’

She barely fit in the bath. Her knees were out of the water, and she couldn’t stretch her legs out to get them under- which was probably a good thing since more water would have gone onto the floor.

She still held the cloth in her hands. Since she hadn’t put it or her hands under the water, the cloth was still dry. She found herself stroking it as she rested her arms on her knees and curled back into the same position she had spent the last 12 hours in.

She watched as the blood that had dried on her shirt slowly began to dampen again, and wash into the water. 

The gems outside the room didn’t seem to realise that Jasper has a heightened sense of hearing, which was why she was so good at collecting the corrupted gems and forced fusions for her failed army against Rose Quartz.

They were lucky that Jasper wasn’t listening in to them discussing what they thought thy should do with her. Jasper sat in the bath, and only focused on the cloth in her hands, before she wasn’t focusing on anything at all.

As the water grew cold, her mind trailed off to her time spent underwater. 

‘ It was always so cold, so dark. I hate the dark, I hate the cold. 

It was your own fault.

I felt like I was going to drown, I felt like the water was going to crack my gem. I was so close to falling apart...

So why do you still crave the power ?’

Jasper hadn’t realised she had started to scratch at the cloth in her hands, her fingernails turning into claws again. Her palms were bleeding from the scratches that went through the thin fabric. She watched the light fade after each cut, leaving red to stain the light grey cloth.

The blood began to drip into the water. She began to watch the colour swirl. She saw what she was doing, but she couldn’t feel it. She didn’t realise it was her who was doing it, until she heard a voice screaming her name. Begging her to stop.

She felt her senses come back to her. First she could feel how cold the water was, then she could hear them all talking. She could feel the cuts on her hands.

“JASPER! JASPER PLEASE STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“Do you think she can hear us?”

“I don’t think she can- I don’t think she knows what she’s doing.”

“PLEASE JASPER STOP.” Rose kept yelling at her, it was hurting her ears, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak, to tell her to stop. “Please, someone make her stop. Let me make her stop.”

“It’s too dangerous, we don’t know how she will react.”

She didn’t realise she wasn’t breathing until she felt someone touch her face. She suddenly took a deep breath in. She was breathing faster than she was used to, she couldn’t stop.

She felt like her whole form was pulsating, and while she was breathing fast, she felt like she couldn’t breathe at all. It was like she was gasping for air... like when she was first dragged underwater.

She suddenly gripped the side of the bath, the blood on her hands causing her to slip. More water poured out of the bath. 

‘This isn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to win, I didn’t want this. Please don’t do this. Stop. I want this to stop. Let me go. Let me get out of the water. Let me out. Let. Me. Out.’

Jasper watched her hand slip under the water. Her vision began to blur. She felt the water chains wrap around her wrists. 

The next thing she felt was a dull pain across her face. Her shoulders and upper arms felt the same pain. She opened her eyes to see she wasn’t in the room anymore. She was outside. She was on her knees.

She could feel herself slowly begin to breathe normally again. 

She looked at her arms and saw that she had cuts all over them, her face must have a cut as well. She watched as her claws started to smooth down back into fingernails.

“Hey, Jasper? Can you hear me?” The voice was soft, and concerned. She looked up to see Rose sitting on a rock. The other Crystal Gems were standing around her.

She looked blankly at the gems. They looked almost calm, worried, but calm. Jasper could only assume that she had been sitting there, unmoving, for some amount of time.

“I’m going to slowly walk up to you and heal you, okay?”

“I don’t need your pity.”

‘I don’t want to be touched by a traitor. I don’t want her to heal me.

Then that’s what you deserve.’

Except she didn’t think she deserved them cleaning the blood and mud off of her body, and healing her cuts. But that is exactly what they were doing. Rose had healed her cuts before they walked her back to their base, and they had gotten different cloths to wipe off the mud from her body, before taking her back into the bathroom and making her sit in the bath again.

This time she sat in the bath with shower water rinsing away the rest of the blood and mud off of her body.

“Why heal me? I assume all of it was my doing.”

“Have you hurt yourself like this before?”

“No... Do you just want me clean before you punish me?”

“Punish you?”

“For the mess I made. I spilled the water, I wrecked the thing you gave me.” Jasper looked up at the gems she though were about to torture her, to see what was the mirror having large cracks on it, parts had fallen off into the sink. “For breaking that thing too?”

“Eh, we don’t care about that stuff, sis. We just wanna know what’s up.”

“What! We do care about that stuff. She damaged our things, we can’t just let her go about wre-“

Garnet placed a hand on Pearl’s head. “What they mean, is that we are going to put aside all of that, along with everything you did to us before you were corrupted. Until we understand what will be happening with you being here like this, and why you’re behaving the way you are.”

Garnet moved to turn the shower taps off. Jasper flinched at the fusion’s hand coming towards her, which caused her to move slower.

“Lets get you dried off, and we can all just talk. No yelling. No hurting anyone else. Everyone is safe, regardless of differing opinions.”

Every part of Jasper’s gem was screaming at her, telling her it was a trap. But her form felt weak, like her light would seep out at any moment. She had never felt like this before. Something was wrong.

Her legs shook as she got out of the bath. Her wet hair stuck to her body, and she felt the smaller Quartz wrap a towel around her.

If these traitors were about to punish her for what she had done, she couldn’t tell. She had been around other gems who had lied to her to get her alone to punish her for being a Beta gem, but she had been able to read the lies on their gems. She had to let it happen, since they were her superiors.

But these gems weren’t her superiors, they had no authority over her. She didn’t have to let them do anything to her.

It seemed like they weren’t going to hurt her, unless she hurt them first.


	3. Begin To Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 1: Healed corruption 
> 
> Jasper doesn’t want to be told there’s something wrong with her

Jasper sat on the floor in front of the couch, wrapped in a blanket. Her hair was still damp, and she was cold. The fabric of the blanket felt nice on her newly healed skin.

She was still cautious of the gems around her.

“Part of my future vision is based on my own understanding of how people can act. I see possible futures stretching along the horizon, but some futures are so improbable, that I can’t see them. Sometimes my own perception can get in the way of my future vision being accurate, other times it doesn’t.

“I don’t seem to understand you in the way I thought I did. I didn’t see you fusing with Lapis, nor the corrupted gem. I didn’t see you trying to make an army of corrupted gems and forced fusions. 

“I saw most of the future that had played out over the last few days, but I disregarded it, because I thought it was improbable. I did not see what happened in the bathroom as a possible future. I am uncertain on how you are going to react to most things. However- I believe that you will respond better to the truth.“

“So, instead of torturing me... you’re telling me about how you’re defective in your future vision, and that I don’t act the way you want me to?”

“No, I am explaining to you how my future vision works. I’ve noticed a pattern where you seem to desire an explanation. You ask a lot of questions, so I want to try and answer them before you ask.”

Jasper grunted. She didn’t like anyone analysing her, especially a Crystal Gem.

“A Sapphire’s future vision is limited to one future, and it is only so accurate on Homeworld because everyone plays their part, and everyone behaves how they are supposed to. I am not a Sapphire, so I see multiple futures, which is useful because on Earth thing’s don’t work the same way. Many things happen that change the path of fate, into steams of possibilities. Including ourselves, and our actions.”

Jasper put her head in her hands, leaning on her crossed legs. She was sick of this, her instincts were telling her to fight the Crystal Gems, but her instincts had been unreliable of late. Her instincts got her trapped at the bottom of the ocean, her instincts got her corrupted, what would her instinct lead to this time? 

‘What’s the use of a soldier who doubts her own programming?’

“I have suspicions of what could be wrong with you.”

“There is nothing wrong with me. If there’s anything wrong with anyone here, it’s you traitorous scum.”

Garnet sighed, she didn’t need to see the tension of her family to know it was there. “As I was saying, I can’t rely on my future vision alone. I need to try and make a temporary connection with your gem to conform or deny my suspic-“

Jasper recoiled, the blanket falling off of her back as she tried to push herself away from the couch. Jasper looked up at the fusion, her vision tinted yellow as she summoned her helmet without realising.

“I am not fusing with a traitor.”

Garnet wanted to put her hand on Jasper’s shoulder, but she didn’t move. She didn’t need to use her future vision to know Jasper wouldn’t respond to her touch the same way the Crystal Gems would.

“I’m not suggesting fusion. I just need to touch your gem, that way I can-“

“So you do want to torture me?”

Garnet went to deny the accusation, before she was cut off by Steven’s curiosity. “Why would touching someone’s gem be torture?”

“Is this a joke, Rose?”

“Jasper, Steven isn’t Rose.” Pearl looked up at Garnet. “We- are we going to tell him?” Garnet didn’t respond, Pearl lifted a hand to her face, and put a hand on her chest. She was reluctant. “We were hoping you wouldnt have to find out... but, back on Homeworld, in some cases...”

Jasper pulled the blanket back over her shoulders, and felt her damp hair touch her shoulders and arms as she leant slightly forward. 

“They drain you of your light. They put their gem on yours, and they suck the light out of your gem. Sometimes they do it as a warning, it takes years to recover. But when you did something really bad, they would drain you of your light until your gem would crack in a way that the light would trickle out of it. They would then stop, and watch as the rest of your light fades away, until your gem can’t take it anymore, and you shatter.”

Amethyst groaned at the thought. “That’s awful!”

“It’s called torture for a reason, Runt.”

“But we aren’t going to do that! We would never do that...” Jasper watched Rose look town, and touch her gem through her material clothing “right?”

“We’re not Homeworld. We don’t torture gems.” Jasper rolled her eyes.  ‘But shattering them is fine’

“What I will do won’t drain you of your light. It will just give me access to it. I will be able to look at it, and see what is different than it should be. While I look at your light, your form will change into it’s more flexible form- which means it will look and feel the same as when you’re about to fuse.”

Garnet watched Jasper cringe. Fusion wasn’t a positive experience for her. “I promise I won’t try to fuse with you.”

“Do you really think I trust you?”

“You don’t have to trust me to believe me.”

It took less time than Garnet thought it would for Jasper to seem like she might agree, however the others thought that it was taking too long.

“If she doesn’t want to do it, can’t we just like, do something else? I’m sure we could figure somethin out. I mean that’s our thing right? Always plan B, cause plan a ends up being a dud?”

“It’s the only way we can find out why she reformed the way she did.”

“She’s scarred because of the corruption.”

“I know, Pearl. I’m not concerned about that.”

“Garnet, can’t we find something else. She doesn’t want to do it. She think’s we’re going to hurt her. Can’t we just, try to make friends ”

Jasper stayed silent, but part of her felt that their arguments over her was almost a win for her. She had so few triumphs throughout her life that didn’t end in defeat. 

She emerged perfectly, just for her Diamond to be shattered only a few decades later.

They won the war, just to find out some of the enemy survived.

She captured the traitors, only to fail her mission.

She successfully fused with Lapis, only to be dragged to the bottom of the ocean.

She made an army on Earth, just to lose it shortly after, and to lose herself moments later.

‘If she can find out what is wrong with you, just give in. Let her. You’ve already failed yourself, failed Homeworld, failed your Diamond. 

I don’t want to give in, not more than I already have.

What’s another failure? No one cares to stand up for you, so why should you stand up for yourself?’

Jasper watched as a water droplet started to run down the strands of hair in front of her face. The droplet got larger as it slid down the hair, before getting so heavy it dropped off her hair. She felt the cool water fall onto the hand that was holding the blanket ends together, in front of her chest.

The arguments that Jasper had been tuning out stopped as she spoke. “If you try to do anything other than what you said, I won’t hesitate to kill all of you once I regain my form.”

She expected to recoil at the fusions touch, but it didn’t hurt. She felt one of the gems on her own, and felt her form melt away. Mid fusion had always brought a calm feeling of triumph, before ultimately becoming one of her worst defeats. But this time it felt different, her body didn’t merge into another

She could hear the gems talking, but it sounded muffled. It sounded like they were talking through glass- she couldn’t make out the words.

‘I must be inside my gem... did I dissipate? No, I wouldn’t be able to hear them all unless they were touching my gem.

Why are they yelling? Are they yelling at you? Did you do something wrong? What did you do to fail this time?

Why would I care if I did something wrong in their eyes, they’re rebels. Traitors.

They’re helping you. Rose healed you. Be grateful.

No. I never asked to be healed. I told her not to- I- I told her not to... She was inside my gem, inside my memories. How did I forget that ?

Because you’re, broken, you’re defective. You always have been.

No. I was perfectly made!

But that was never good enough, was it? Besides look at you now, even if you did come out better than the others in that pathetic excuse of a kinder garnet, you can’t deny that you’re defective now. 

No! I’m better than this!

Are you? Even the runt is above you now. 

I was better. Before I returned to this toxic planet, I was-

You were always defective, don’t pretend you weren’t. No wonder Pink Diamond was shattered...’

The other gem was suddenly pulled back, she felt her light begin to take her form. She didn’t want to open her eyes. The fusion had said she wasn’t going to drain her of her light, but she felt so tired.

She didn’t protest when she felt herself be lifted from the floor onto something softer- it must be the couch. She felt the blanket be put back over her, and realised that her hair was no longer damp.

...

While she didn’t know it, it was a few days before Jasper woke up. She simultaneously felt better and worse than she had felt since she reformed.

She slowly opened her eyes to see a blur of blue in front of her. She sat up quickly, ready to summon her helmet if needed. 

Jasper stayed silent until her vision cleared.  ‘That’s new.’

“You’re... why did you unfuse?”

“It wasn’t by choice. We needed to unfuse to help you.”

“Help me?”

“You have a partial disconnection from your gem. Your form is a little less... stable. It’s only minor, so you will be abl-“

She quickly stood up, and the blanket fell completely off of her. She towered over Sapphire. “YOU’RE LYING. WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU?”

Even though she knew it wouldn’t stop her, Sapphire tried to calm Jasper down. “I’m sorry Jasper. It must be because of the corruption. Steven was able to mostly heal you, it’ll just take time for you to get back to normal.”

Jasper’s fingernails turned to claws as she pounced at Sapphire. “SHUT UP. YOU’RE LYING. THERE IS NOTHING-“ Jasper felt Amethysts whip wrap around her legs, causing her to drop to the ground. She felt her body get dragged back across the floor. “-WRONG WITH ME.” 

She sliced across Sapphire’s chest. She shook her head in what felt like disappointment at Jasper, before her body dissipated.

As Sapphire’s gem fell to the ground, Jasper rolled onto her back and lifted her legs up to her body, quickly tugging on the whip, causing Amethyst to fall forwards, and her whip to disappear. 

Jasper made a way for the door that would help her escape the temple, but her exit was quickly blocked. Jasper summoned her helmet.

“JASPER STOP THIS!” Pearl had her spear poised in front of her, ready to strike into Jasper’s form.

Jasper took a step forward, which resulted in Pearl lunging towards her, spear first. Jasper twisted her shoulder out of the way, and grabbed the spear with the other hand. She spun around with the spear in her hand, and threw the smaller gem along with it.

Jasper heard Pearl hit the fridge as she ran out of the door. She couldn’t tell if it was just Pearl who screamed, or if the others had to. She didn’t care, she just wanted out of there.

As she jumped over the side, onto the beach, she heard Ruby tell the others to let her go.

She didn’t stop running until she’d found herself at the top of some sort of hill- if she ran any further she would fall into the ocean at the bottom of the hill, and she didn’t want that.

Jasper stood there, watching the light reflect off of the ocean, before she reasoned how heavy her body felt, and how her eyes felt like she couldn’t keep them open for much longer.

Jasper ended up walking off to find a rock to drag to the hill, so that she could sit down on it while she watched the ocean.

‘Why am I still so tired?

It probably has something to do with your defects, the ones that Sapphire was trying to warn you about.’

She watched the water mimic the colours of the sky as the sun slowly began to get lower in the sky. She looked at the clouds, she didn’t know what they were, but she knew that they were usually white. 

Jasper had never realised that the sky on Earth could be orange.

‘You know you’re going to get in trouble for that. When you destabilised the fusion, you then lost to them in combat, and they wrecked your ship.

So that means I should just let them lie to me?

She wasn’t lying and you know it.

Something is wrong, but it can’t be that. I’m in control.

Barely.’

It was a while before Jasper could hear footsteps. She could tell that it was one of the smaller gems, and that she was alone. She figured it was the Ruby, it sounded like a Ruby’s footsteps.

‘Let her torture you, let them torture you.

Why should I? They’re traitors, I did nothing wrong.

You deserve it.

How do I deserve that?

You violated a truce, you promised to cooperate.

Failing to cooperate with rebels barely deserves torture.

It’s funny. Even when you’re failing Homeworld, you can’t do anything right.’

Jasper saw red out of the corner on her eye. It was definitely Ruby. She sat down on the ground next to Jasper, inches away from her hand.

They sat there for a few minutes before Jasper spoke.

“She hasn’t reformed yet.”

“Nope.”

“You don’t seem very upset.”

“I’m not happy with what happened. But we already knew it was going to happen.” Ruby looked down at Sapphire’s gem in her right hand. “Besides, she’ll be back soon enough.”

They sat in silence as the sun finally dipped under the horizon. They watched as the moon and starts scattered across the sky.

The minutes felt like hours, until Jasper decided to break the silence.

“I don’t understand why you’re not trying to... I would understand this more if you were trying to hurt me. Why aren’t you?”

Ruby  wanted to hurt Jasper. Even though it had been thousands of years since she had served Homeworld, it was in her programming to protect Sapphire. Her love for her amplified that instinct and desire.

But that wasn’t going to be helpful in the long run, and this time Ruby wanted to listen to Sapphire and not let her anger control her.

“How about we go back to the temple? We can wait for Sapphire and Pearl to reform, and then we all can explain everything.”

Jasper stood up off of the rock. She was almost reached out a hand to help the Ruby up, but quickly stopped herself as she questioned why she even considered that.

It took a few minutes of walking back to the temple for Jasper to speak again.

“Wait, the Pearl needs to reform?”


	4. Back to the Temple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 1: Healed Corruption
> 
> Jasper is finally ready to listen, but waits until everyone is back first.

She didn’t trust them, and they didn’t trust her.

She had no reason to trust them. They were the enemy, they betrayed Homeworld. She didn’t betray Homeworld, so because of that, she’s their enemy too. So they had no reason to trust her either.

Jasper sat at the top of the temple steps with Ruby, Sapphires gem still in her hand. Jasper couldn’t figure out why, but she didn’t want to go in the temple until the Sapphire reformed.

She didn’t want to go inside the temple at all, she would much rather go off and be on her own for a while. She used to do that in between missions on Homeworld. 

They had been sitting on the steps for a while, in complete silence. It was completely dark outside, the only light was from the house. It was silent in there too.

“You know, we have only unfused once since you- destabilised us.” Ruby quietly chucked to herself. “It was because I was angry.”

“Seems fitting.”

“Because I’m a Ruby?” Jasper didn’t respond, it was a few minutes before she spoke up again. “I’m an angry gem too Jasper. I know I’m not around much, but Garnet still knows what it’s like to be a Ruby, as well as a Sapphire. So you can talk to her, or me, about your anger.”

“No.”

Ruby sighed. She tried to think about how she used to be before she became a crystal gem, before she fused with Garnet. It was easy to forget how things used to be, when she had been away from that system for so long.

“Do you think anger is power? I used to think anger was power. I felt like I was stronger when I was screaming at the gem I was about to attack... When I fused with Sapphire and fought during the war as Garnet, I realised you can be powerful without being so angry that physically hurts.”

Jasper leant against the railing of the stairs. She had heard what the Ruby had said, but she didn’t bother thinking about it. Rubies are beneath her- she owed this gem nothing.

She didn’t want to admit to herself that she felt like she had given up. She wasn’t about to try and figure out if she was acting the way she was, because she thought it would get a better outcome, or because she had given up.

‘I’ll just wait for her to tell me what she was going to, and then I can leave.’

She wanted to fight them, she always wanted to fight. But fighting hadn’t worked for her with these gems since returning to Earth, why would it start working now?

Her eyelids felt heavy. She didn’t want to listen to Ruby trying to get inside her gem and try to figure her out. Luckily, it wasn’t much longer before Sapphire’s gem began to glow in Ruby’s hand.

Jasper noticed out the corner of her eye, that Ruby didn’t let go of Sapphires gem when she reformed- so they were holding hands as her senses were coming back to her.

She smiled when Ruby kissed her cheek. “Welcome back.”

Jasper stood up and turned around to face the two smaller gems. Jasper noticed that the Sapphire took a new form. Her skirt was a lot darker, and she had a lighter blue wrapped over it, low on one side, and high on the other. Other than the top of her dress having a V cut, and a white strip of fabric wrapped around her waist, the rest of her clothing looked the same to Jasper.

Sapphire looked up towards Jaspers face- but she quickly looked away from Sapphire. She didn’t like it when she couldn’t make eye contact with a gem.

“I’m glad to see that you’re calmer now, Jasper.” She crossed her arms. She didn’t feel calmer, but she did feel slightly more comfortable- like she was being defensive, and that made up for the fact she wasn’t attacking the gems around her. “Please, come inside with us.” 

She was silently lead her inside the temple. Sapphire motioned towards something that looked similar to a couch, that was next to the door.

“Jasper, please sit down here. I want to quickly talk to the others. Is that okay?” Jasper shrugged and complied. “I need your word that you won’t try to leave, or try to poof any of us.”

Jasper looked over at Rose, cautious of her. But she didn’t seem to hear them come in. She was preoccupied by the Pearl in her hand. “Sure.”

“How can we be sure she’s telling the truth?”

Jasper shrugged at Amethyst. “I want information that the Sapphire seems to have. I doubt she would give me that information if I do anything more than I already have.”

Jasper flinched as Rose suddenly yelled out to Sapphire and ran to hug her. Jasper couldn’t understand why Rose would make herself as small as a Sapphire when she used to be the same size as Jasper. 

She watched Sapphire put her hand on Rose’s head. “Hey Steven, I’m back. Now, what happened to Pearl?”

Steven was upset, he struggled to talk through his short breaths and sniffles. “Jasper pushed her, and- and....“ Steven started to cry. “Amethyst didn’t poof.” Steven hugged Sapphire tighter. “Why did Pearl poof?”

Jasper was confused.  ‘Why is Rose comparing the Pearl to an Amethyst? Sure this one is a runt, but she’s still better than a Pearl... I didn’t push her that hard, it should have taken more than that to poof her.’

Jasper started listening to the gems talking around her. She felt like she missed some important information while she as focusing on her thoughts. That seemed to happen a lot.

“Sometimes, when a gems emotional state is extreme enough, they can poof too. She’ll be okay... she was probably just scared.”

“She’ll be fine man. She was fine last time.”

“But- she took two weeks last time. Will she take two weeks again?”

“No.”

“More than two weeks!”

“Steven. You should sleep, she should be back when you wake up.”

“No! Th-this time is different. I want to stay awake, until she comes back. Please?”

“Okay, but good luck staying awake.”

Jasper stayed silent as she stopped listening to the other gems and watched them set up a green sleeping bag for Rose in front of the fireplace. She seemed so worried about the Pearl, the care felt disproportionate to Jasper. The Runt laid down next to Rose, that seemed to be comforting her somehow.

‘Why are they making such a fuss? It’s just a Pearl, and it’s not like she was shattered

Shouldn’t they be mad at you?

They’re probably waiting for the Pearl to reform. That way all of them ca-‘

Her thoughts were interrupted as she realised Sapphire was walking towards her.

“Are you ready for me to continue?”

Jasper leant forward and put her elbows on her knees. She let one arm dangle, and used the other to rest her head onto. “Wait for the Pearl to reform.”

‘Wait for the Pearl to reform? Why? Are you stalling? Don’t you want to know what is wrong with you?’

“I- um. Okay?” Sapphire seemed surprised at Jaspers response. She paused. “Could you please try not to say ‘the’ before our names?”

“Why?”

“It’s... It can feel objectifying. I’m sure you can understand.” Jasper just shrugged. 

‘I’ve come to be known as The Jasper, and that’s not objectifying. 

That’s different, and you know it.’

Jasper sat silently as she watched these gems interact with each other. The Ruby and Sapphire seemed happy to see each other again, which made sense to Jasper, since they were a fusion, and both seemed to enjoy being that fusion. Although she didn’t understand why they hadn’t fused already... isn’t their whole thing that they are always fused?

Jasper watched as Rose was wrapped up in a blanket, drinking some sort of warm drink. Rose and the Runt were sat by the fire with Pearls gem. Jasper kept an eye on the two of them, but started to listen to what Ruby and Sapphire were saying.

“I think this is the first time one of us have been poofed without the other. I feel kind of left out.”

“Left out?” Sapphire giggled. “Isn’t it a good thing you weren’t hurt?”

“Yeah, but I don’t get a cool new outfit.” Jasper heard Sapphire giggle again, and quickly glanced over as Ruby yelled out. “Wait! I know.” 

There was a sudden flash of light as Ruby shapeshifted herself a new outfit. It was mostly the same, her shirt was two different colours, wrapped over each other. The clothing that was wrapped around her head was in a bow instead of dangling down. Jasper didn’t understand the sentiment.

“Now we’re both in new outfits.” She watched Ruby lean an arm on Sapphire’s shoulder, before she picked Sapphire up in a hug.

They both started to laugh as Ruby was spinning Sapphire around, before their bodies started to glow, as their light merged into each other. Garnet’s form replaced theirs, as she quietly continued their giggle for a moment.

Garnets outfit was different too. Instead of a layered star, she had three separate stars. A purple one on her chest, and a blue and red one on her legs, corresponding with the gems in her palms. Her pants were a deep purple, her shirt a dark blue. Her gloves and shoulders were a lighter purple than her pants, maybe even the same colour as before.

The first thing the fusion did was lean down to put her hand on Rose’s head. Jasper didn’t listen to what was said. They all were being so... sentimental. It was almost sickening- this type of behaviour was exactly what Jasper had avoided when she was separated from the other Earth Quartzes after the war.

It wasn’t until Garnet was standing right in front of Jasper, that she realised the fusion wasn’t comforting Rose anymore. “I assume that you still want to wait. Tell me if you change your mind.”

Jasper didn’t look up. She didn’t respond. She heard the fusion make a noise- was she humming? Garnet walked away from Jasper and sat on the stairs, her feet flat on the floor. That way she could watch Jasper, while Steven and Amethyst laid in front of the fireplace, waiting for Pearl to reform.

Steven was struggling to keep his eyes open, and yawned. The warmth from the fire was on his face, he started to mumble to Amethyst, but she was already asleep. Steven made sure not to touch Pearls gem, as he moved closer to Amethyst, and moved his hand out of the sleeping bag to touch her arm.

Garnet waited until she was sure Steven was asleep before she spoke again.

“I wan’t you to know that the only reason you’re healed is because of Steven. He is the one who want’s to help you. Pearl was not happy about this decision. I’m not sure how Amethyst feels about this...” Jasper looked over at the Runt. Her eyes were closed and she was drooling onto the floor. “She is most likely conflicted about your return, but will try to not make a big deal of it.”

“How is this information useful to me?”

“I just want to make sure you’re aware of the fact that Steven is trying to help. He want’s things with you to be better... so we won’t try to do anything that would halt progress.”

“After everything that happened during the war, it is illogical that Rose would want to help me.”

“Steven isn’t Rose.”

Jasper grunted and rolled her eyes. She watched Amethyst twitch in her sleep, in response to her noise. 

‘Why are they so adamant on saying she isn’t Rose? The only logical explanation I can think of is if they are trying to avoid her getting shattered by claiming she isn’t her. That’s so fucking stupid. 

You’ll have to get used to it. You’re pretty much stuck here. Even if you get away from these gems, they have the advantage. They’ve spent your entire life here, and one of them has future vision, they’d find you easily. They always do.’

“What about you? How do you feel about...me?” The ‘me’ came out as barely a whisper. Jasper had meant to ask how she felt about her being back, not that Jasper cared. She was just collecting information to asses the situation she had put herself in. She didn’t care. 

“I see multiple futures where this turns out... somewhat manageable. I also see futures where it doesn’t. For Stevens sake, I am hopeful.”

Jasper wanted to know more, but she didn’t want to ask.

Steven wasn’t deep into his sleep yet, which meant a sudden glow in front of him woke him up. He opened his eyes to see Pearl’s gem glow, and begin to rise in front of him.

“Pearl is coming back!” Steven moved back, giving Pearl soon to reform. He rubbed his eyes as Pearl’s light started to emerge from her gem.

Her light began to take its shape, it seemed like Pearl was still making up her mind on what clothing she was going to wear as she was reforming. 

She had been inside her gem for a few hours, but Jasper thought about how Rose had said she took two weeks- she wasn’t sure what a week was, but could figure out it was a measurement of time, and by Rose’s reaction, it must be a long one.

Her light settled on a form, and Pearl’s colour began to come back. Jasper had never seen a Pearl in such an elaborate outfit.

Her clothes were mostly a blue and yellow colour. The blue came up in two points on her chest. Her shoulders and part of her back were covered by a light pink. The blue covered her body down to her knees. It took a few moments for Jasper to realise the yellow wrapping around her body was an upside down star. 

There was a clear pink fabric that stated at her chest, split into two, wrapped around her sides and came together at her back to fall down in a point near her socks. Jasper didn’t notice the smaller star under the pink.

It almost looked like an outfit make to intimidate, like she could be preparing for battle at any moment. 

Pearl jumped back and screamed. It caused Jasper to stiffen her posture, her arms quickly fell to her sides as she sat. 

Both of Pearls hands were touching her gem, like she was making sure it was okay. She was very panicked, and looked like she could cry.

Rose was crying. “Pearl, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

Jasper didn’t understand. Why were they making such a fuss over Pearl, when they hadn’t over Sapphire?

Garnet walked over to Pearl and tried to calm her down. She ended up holding Pearl still from behind, waiting for her to come to her senses. 

‘Was she always this messy when reforming? How did she survive the war?’

“Steven, what happened is not your fault. You healed her- you’re responsible for that.”

“Healed? Why did she need healing?”

The Runt walked over to the counter in front of Jasper, and sat on top of it. “You low-key cracked her gem.”

“I didn’t hit her gem, I bragged her weapon and pushed her away from me.”

“Well, more like threw her. But like, she hit the fridge head first. She ended up poofing herself because of it.”

Jasper looked over at Pearl. She wasn’t moving around as frantically as she was before, but she definitely didn’t seem calm.  ‘That explains their behaviour.’

Steven stepped away from Pearl and went to stand near Amethyst. He leaned the back of his head on her leg, as she sat on the bench. He wanted to help Pearl, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her. Garnet continued to hold Pearl, and tell her she’s okay.

After a few minutes, Pearl stopped making noise. She was still touching her gem as Garnet sat her down on the couch. She avoided looking over in Jasper’s direction.

The silence that continued over the next few minutes made everyone uncomfortable.

“Man everyone getting a new outfit but me. Maybe I should ask Jasper to kill me too.”

“Amethyst! Wanting a new outfit is no reason to get yourself poofed!”

“Come on P, it was a joke. Nice to see you’re back to normal though- telling me off and what-not.” Amethyst winked at Pearl who groaned in response, but didn’t seem as annoyed as she was trying to sound.

“I don’t have a new outfit!” Jasper watched the Runt grab Rose’s hair and ruffle it, presumably in response to her comment.

“Yeah but you wear people clothes. You can change your outfit whenever- you just don’t.”

“You could just wear some of my clothes! Then bam- new outfit for Amethyst.”

The two of them laughed. Seeing these gems new forms, and the discussion of it, made Jasper look down at her own appearance.

She barely remembered what her new clothes had looked like. Her straps were brown, she would say an lightish brown, but the lighter colour beneath it make it seem dark. The colour that curved under her straps were almost the colour of her hair. The colour that made up the rest of her shirt was a deep pink, almost the colour of her pants when she first emerged. 

She wasn’t sure if she had even paid attention to her shoes until that moment. They started at her knees. She had never had shoes so high. The shoes were mostly the deep pink colour, but the brown covered her toes, and the lighter colour covered the top of her shoes. At least her pants were a similar colour they used to be.

‘What the hell was I thinking when I reformed? This is a mess... Come to think of it, I don’t even remember reforming.’

Jasper could feel Garnet staring at her through her visor.

‘In my defence, I didn’t realise the Pearl’s gem would get cracked when I pushed her.

Why would that matter to them? Why does that matter to you?

I just wanted her out of the way so I could be away from the traitors and assess the situation.

You cracked her gem while you were trying to run away like a coward. 

I’m not a coward, and I wasn’t running away.

Are you so sure? Plus, it’s not like you haven’t tried to purposely dissipate them all in the past. Why would they think you didn’t mean to crack her? Especially if you don’t tell them, but even if you did, they have no reason to believe you.

I’m not a liar.’

Jasper suddenly realised that she wasn’t tuning out the conversation around her like she had thought- everyone was completely silent. Only Garnet seemed to be looking at her, but Jasper felt like they all were staring at her, waiting for her to lash out and attack them all again.

“I didn’t intend to crack her gem... I didn’t know it would happen. I- I only meant to push you out of the way”

Jasper couldn’t understand the response. She could see what the gems around her were doing, but she wasn’t processing it. The noise around her was hard to understand- it felt like she was underwater.

Lucky for Jasper, the other gems quickly pieced together what was happening, or at least, figured Jasper was in another state she had been in after she had reformed, and then during her bath before she hurt herself and ran off.

They decided to wait until Jasper was responsive again to try and talk to her. They continued to talk amongst themselves, but also kept a close eye on Jasper, they didn’t want her to try and hurt herself again.

Steven was trying his best to not fall asleep. He had started to fall asleep before Jasper leant forward and started to cough. Steven ran over to Jasper, worried she was coughing up blood again.

Jasper continued to cough into her hands, before she wiped them on her pants. It seemed like it was just her saliva. She groaned and put her hands on both sides of her head and looked at the ground.

Steven took a step back as Garnet stood in front of Jasper and put her hand on Stevens shoulder. She shifted her visor.

“I’m ready. Just- hurry up. Don’t drag it out with pity.”

“You have a partial disconnection from your gem. Your form is a little less stable. Your mindset may be more frantic at times. It’s only minor, so you will be able to recover. We don’t know how long it would take, it could be a few months, but it will most likely be years until you fully recover.”

“If. If I fully recover.”

“We have high hopes. I can see more progress being made if you’re willing to listen to us.”

Jasper grunted, and blew on some of her hair that had fallen over her eyes. “What are some other negative repercussions to what I did.”

“Jasper, they’re not-“

“Save it. I just want to know what else.” Jasper heard Garnet sigh.

“Well, your gem won’t be producing as much energy as it usually would. You may feel physically exhausted easier. But there are ways you could approach this, the two easiest ways being sleeping or eating. I think you will prefer sleeping.”

Jasper quickly thought back to when the fusion had said that Amethyst was sleeping. 

‘Sleeping looks gross, and uncomfortable. Is that what I had been doing when I had lost track of where I was and what I was doing?’

Garnet’s voice snapped her away from her thoughts again. “It could be easier for you to poof, so you may want to be a little more careful.”

She didn’t know what to say in response that wasn’t just trying to pick a meaningless fight, so Jasper looked down at Garnet’s shoes instead. She hated when the fusion’s visor would reflect her face.

Jasper didn’t change where she was looking as Garnet stepped to the side and continued to sit down next to her. Garnet was silent for some time- like she was trying to figure out what to do, and what to say next.

“Now, you may find that there are some... emotional and psychological differences while you’re here. That won’t be because of your gem. Things are very different here, you don’t have the pressures of homeworld to distract you from your thoughts.”

Garnet put her arm behind Jasper, she she felt a hand on top of her head. Jasper almost summoned her helmet out of instinct. “It can be hard at times. We just want you to know you have the option to discuss these with us. We aren’t going to force you, but you aren’t going to be punished or exploited in any way.”

Jasper grabbed Garnets wrist, and pulled herself away from her hand. She stood up and crossed her arms.

She got the information she wanted, she could just leave. Even if they caught her again, and would drag her back here. She could keep doing that until they give up and bubble her away again.

‘If I play along with their terms, I could find an advantage. Find a way to report Homeworld of my findings. Even if Homeworld won’t want me once they find out about my corruption, I could still be of use for now... the irony of this- I guess I’m the informant now.’

Jasper thought back to the conversation they’d had before Garnet accessed her light, and was be able to find out this information about Jasper. Garnet had said that she didn’t have to trust her, to believe her.

“If I’m expected to believe you, then you need to believe me.”

“What are you talking about.” Jasper looked over at Amethyst- she was laying on the ground with her hands behind her head. Jasper had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the Runt- something else she would probably have to get used to.

“She said I don’t have to trust her to believe her. You don’t have to trust me either, but I expect you to believe me. I am loyal to Homeworld, and by that fact, I am your enemy. That doesn’t mean I like to lie. You don’t have to trust me, and I don’t have to trust you.” 

Jasper looked away from the gems, her arms were still crossed, but not as tightly. Her next words came out quieter, and she wasn’t sure if she was talking to the traitors in front of her, or to herself. “I don’t want anyone thinking I am a liar.”

Jasper looked down at Pearl as she walked up in front of her, standing with some form of stern pride that Jasper hadn’t expected to see from a lost defective Pearl like herself. “You have no right to be standing here and making demands. You know we could easily put you in a bubble.”

Jasper’s arms uncrossed, just for her hands to move to her hips. Jasper rarely stood like this, it felt unnatural. But everything she was doing lately was unnatural, so what the hell.

“Then do it already. Go against what Rose wants, see what your leader thinks of you then.”

“Steven isn’t Rose!”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Pearl looked ready to summon her spear, before Garnet put her hand on both their shoulders, causing Jasper to jump back slightly, and putting her hands up in defence, gently balling her fists. “Pearl, arguing with Jasper isn’t going to help.”

“What else am I supposed to do! She’s lucky she’s still here. We could have kept her in the bubble, and we could put her back in one now.” Pearl looked at Jasper again. “Unless you do exactly as we say.”

“I’m not going to be grateful for Rose doing something I never asked for. Go ahead, put me back in a bubble. I don’t care- in fact didn’t I ask to be put back in a bubble? Do you really think threatening me wIth what I asked for is going to scare me?”

Jasper was ready for this argument to get physical- she was hoping it would get physical- until the fusion stood directly between the two.

“Alright. Lets stop this. We all are going to get carried away if we keep arguing. Healing Jasper was Steven’s decision, so lets ask him what we should do next.” 

Garnet looked down at Steven. He was laying on the floor, his exhaustion had gotten the better of him. Amethyst had joined him on the floor, and had her hand on his side. He was fast asleep- not even Jasper’s yelling had woken him up.

Garnet leant down and picked Steven up. “I’m taking Steven to bed. He is going to sleep, and when he is ready, we will continue this conversation. He will help us all decide what is going on.”

Jasper found herself crossing her arms again.

“So I’m supposed to just, sit here and do everything you tell me to until Rose decides she can be bothered dealing with me? And then I’m supposed to do everything she says?”

Garnet stood in front of Jasper, and shifted Steven onto her side so she could remove her visor. Jasper found herself staring directly into Garnet’s third eye. She didn’t realise that each of Garnet’s eyes were a different colour until that moment. 

“No. I am going to put Steven back into his bed so he can continue to sleep, and we’ll talk about what will happen, tomorrow. You will get a say too Jasper. Until then, lay down on the couch. Right now, you need rest just as much as Steven does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First ‘arc’ is now complete.
> 
> The next ‘arc’ will be a fic named “Always Back to Earth”


	5. Agreements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 1: Healed Corruption
> 
> Rules need to be set, and there needs to be consequences.

5- Agreements

After a hushed argument, Jasper spent the entire night laying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. The moon was bright that night, so it wasn’t too dark, but wasn’t so bright that it hurt Jasper’s head.

She didn’t sleep like she was asked to. She didn’t understand how to do it voluntarily, and didn’t want to give the others the gratification of asking. So she just laid on her back, without moving.

She struggled to focus on her thoughts most of the night. Half conceived through to rolled into each other, if she was speaking out loud, it would be inherent babbling. It wasn’t until she began to think about some of her mandatory breaks in between missions.

Jasper had always had mixed feelings about spending time in her Quartz Cubby. They were meant for Quartzes to relax after missions, but she couldn’t relax when other Quartzes were there. She always found herself crossing her arms and leaning against the back wall. Hoping the other Quartzes would shut up or fuck off so she could actually rest. But even resting felt like a waste of Her time.

Her cubby was easily a foot taller than everyone else’s in her station, but it was still positioned so there was a cubby on either side of her, as well as below her. She hated that, and everyone in her station knew it, even if she barely spoke to them.

She would skip her mandatory breaks whenever she could. She didn’t mind getting in trouble for that most of the time. She would really only go to her cubby when her Agate got fed up with her and would pull out her whip. 

Her thoughts got less focused again as the sun rose. Jasper found the light easier to cope with, instead of a sudden flash of light, it gradually lit up the room.

The sunrise eventually woke Steven up, who seemed to have forgotten the events as the night before, as the sight of Jasper laying on the couch made him jump.

Steven sat on the kitchen bench, with a cereal bowl in his lap, swinging his legs as he ate. Jasper had sat up when he made his way down the stairs, and was staring his directly in the eyes. Although he kept looking away, feeling a bit awkward.

Jasper was about to say something, before Pearl walked over and slammed a piece of paper on the small table. Jasper raised her eyebrow and looked down at the set of rules that Pearl had written out. “Is this a joke? I can’t read this.”

“Oh my god, Jasper can’t read.”

Jasper stood up to take a step towards Amethyst, and pointed a finger to the gem on her chest. “I can fucking read, Runt. Just because I can’t read this Earth garbage, doesn’t mean I can’t read.”

Amethyst looked towards Steven and spoke through gritted teeth. “I think I hit a nerve.” Amethyst put her arms up, sarcastically. She didn’t seem scared of Jasper, and that pissed her off. “Hey don’t worry about it, I’m just goofin around sis. I’m sure you can read.”

Jasper wanted to rip the Runt in half, she apparently didn’t need to spend time with any of them to be just as obnoxious as other Quartzes.

“Pearl, we agreed that we would set the rules after discussing them- remember, this approach didn’t work with Peridot.”

“She’s not going to listen even if we do discuss them with her!” Jasper scoffed at Pearl. She didn’t want to listen, but she was willing to. Partially motivated by the idea of Pearl being wrong.

These gems have power over her. Not only are they more familiar with the current earth, but they’re aware of her disconnection defect, and while it seemed she was the first corrupted gem they healed, they know more about corrupted gems than Jasper did. She may not verbally admit it, but she knows when she can be overpowered. 

She had to continuously remind herself that retreat wasn’t an option this time.

“You don’t know that. She’s more likely to listen if she has a say.” 

Jasper found Pearl’s disapproving response amusing, but kept a blank expression as the gems bickered. It wasn’t until Garnet turned to Rose, that she became more interested in the conversation.

“Steven, you wanted to heal her, you can help us all think of what to do. It’s a big responsibility, I hope you’re up for the challenge.”

Rose smiled up at Garnet, which caused Jasper to roll her eyes. “Welllll... I think a good first rule for everyone is to not fight each other?”

“You’re asking me to not do what I was literally made for? What you were made for, even what the Runt was made for. This is an unrealistic dema-“

“It’s not unrealistic if we make a negotiation on the matter.”

Jasper narrowed her eyes at the fusion. “Uh huh. What type of negotiation could we make that doesn’t just benefit you?”

“We don’t want you to attack us, but if you help us reach some terms that we all can agree with, and you are compliant, then we will agree to spar with you.”

“Garnet!” Pearl and Amethyst’s exclaims were in sync with each other. 

“I can’t speak for the others, but I would definitely be willing to spar with you. At some point, they might want to as well- however I will let you fight without holding back.”

“So I play by your rules, and you’ll fight me?” Jasper leant back and rested a foot on her knee. “Sounds like a good enough offer to me.”

“You can’t be serious! We can’t let her fight us!”

“I don’t see why not. It can be like a reward- You have those stickers, I have sparring sessions. If she breaks the rules that are being set for EVERYONE, then she won’t get to spar.”

Jasper looked away from Garnet.

‘She’s trying to make it seem like the rules aren’t just restrictions for me so that I will be more likely to follow them.  
Hear them out, it seems like the fusion isn’t letting the Pearl just make the rules for you.  
Who gave Pearl the right to make rules?  
The Crystal Gems. Getting pissy about it isn’t going to help.’

“Lets go over what Pearl wrote down here. Don’t kill us. Don’t attack us. Don’t yell at us. Don’t interact with the humans. Ask before leaving the temple. Don’t go anywhere unsupervised. Don’t degrade us. Stop swearing around Steven. Stop calling Steven Rose. Don’t try to order us around-“

Garnet crossed her arms and sighed. “There’s more on this list but I’m going to stop there. Some of these are fair, but half the time we don’t even follow these rules, Pearl.”

“What? Everything I wrote down are reasonable, and I follow these rules! The only difference is I am fine to interact with humans, and I don’t need supervision”

“Putting aside those types of rules, we swear on occasion, and sometimes Steven is near when we do. We fight and argue with each other a lot. We have said some pretty nasty stuff too. I mean, some of us have even betrayed each other.” Pearl looked away in shame.

Jasper laughed to herself. This team is a mess. “How did you guys survive the war?” Jasper sat there for a moment with a taunting grin on her face, before her sarcastic comment began to tug at her gem “Actually, how the fuck DID you guys survive the war.”

“Language!” Jasper looked away from Pearl and grunted.

“That’s an answer for another time, Jasper. We will be happy to answer those types of questions, once we decide some sort of common ground.”  
Steven reached up and touched Garnet’s hand. “Why do we need to set rules like this anyways? We didn’t do that with Peridot, we kind of just, taught her along the way.”

“We can teach her along the way too. But we didn’t see Peridot as a big enough threat to set rules like that, plus Jasper will respond better if we have more structure. Trust me, this is the best approach.” Garnet looked down at Steven, who looked concerned. She put her hand on his head. “That’s why we need your help. With you and Jasper working with us, we can make fairer house rules.”

‘Why is Rose... like this? I thought she always made inspirational speeches that convinced gems to betray their Homeworld, why is she so uncertain? Why does she need a confidence boost?’

“No physically hurting each other is a good rule, for ALL of us.”

Jasper had put both her feet back on the ground and was sitting normally on the couch, although since she was much taller than the gems who usually sat on it, to sit ‘normally’ her knees were closer to her chest. “Sparring as an exclusion, right?”

“Yes, but everyone involved in the sparring has to consent,” Garnet shifted her visor. “and nagging until they give up and agree doesn’t count as consent. Stop means stop.”

“I don’t nag.” Jasper didn’t know what nagging was, but she was sure she didn’t do it.

“That comment, while it applies to you, wasn’t directed at you.” Garnet moved on before anyone could question her. “Pearl, grab a piece of paper and write it down, please. In English, not in gem glyph- and word it the way I said it... Steven, help us decide on a second rule based on the first list.”

“Hmmm, the one about not yelling. That one seems unfair. Can we get rid of it?”

“You want Jasper to yell at us?!”

“What? Pearl, these rules are for all of us. We all yell sometimes... I think we should get rid of human one. Jasper should be allowed to talk to humans, after we teach her about them.”

“I know about humans.”

“You know about old timey humans. Humans are a bit different now. Hey, with the asking permission and supervision one, I think that should be a just Jasper rule, and we should put the, together and get rid of it after a while... like we did with me. We could call rules for Jasper, JJ rules!”

“JJ rules?”

“Just Jasper!”

Jasper wasn’t thrilled to learn that Rose was just as annoying to deal with in a ‘casual’ situation, as any other Quartz. “That sounds dumb as f-“

“Yeah, unfortunately Steven’s names for things end up sticking, sis. Like with the Slinker- it’s just a bit of fun. It’s easier if you don’t argue.”

“Okay, for now we’ll just focus on the rules for everyone. Jasper, if you want, you could choose the next one, and figure out a way to word it so that it applies to everyone.”

Steven tried to hand Jasper the piece of paper, but when her put it in her hand, she didn’t grab onto it, and flicked her hand so it would fall to the ground. “I can’t read human, Rose.”

“It’s English... and I’m Steven.”

“Fine, I can’t read English, Rose.”

“Do you need me to read them out to you?”

“My memory is sufficient.”

Jasper thought back to the list.  
“If I’m not allowed to degrade you guys, you’re not allowed to degrade me, right?” Jasper suddenly felt insecure about her question- she didn’t want these gems thinking they could hurt her feelings with a few mean words. “Because that shit gets old fast, and if I wanted to put up with it, I would have stayed with an Agate.”

“Yeah, add don’t be a botch to the list.”

“AMETHYST! Language. Steven is right there.”

“My turn to pick which one of Pearl’s rules suck. I choose stop swearing around Steven, because it is a lame rule.”

Steven looked at Amethyst. “Isn’t that already a rule? I mean, Pearl tells you off when you swear around me.”

“Yeah, but it’s still lame.”

“Pearl, please write down ‘try not to swear at others.”

“Laaaaammmmmmeeeeee”

“Sometimes swearing is acceptable, but if anyone has to swear, it’s better if it’s just general, and not being used as insults.”

“What about the yelling one? What do I write about that one?”

“Just write, ‘try keep yelling to a minimum’, or something along those lines. We all yell, so it’s not going to be fair to ban it. Also write ‘try not to destroy property’, ‘listen to others’, and-“

“What happened to negotiations?”

“These are mostly just rules that we already have. We do have to create new ones to follow now that you’re here, but we can’t just throw out the old ones. Just like I’m sure Era 2 is fairly consistent to Era 1. Things may be different, but the values are ultimately the same. You’re welcome to dispute these, just have a good enough reason.”

Jasper wanted to argue, since they were traitors, so naturally she should argue with them if she wasn’t beating the shit out of them. But she couldn’t argue. Garnet was making valid points and assumptions. That pissed Jasper off, because she couldn’t find a way to be pissed off.

“Yo, can we throw out the rule where I’m not allowed to eat clouds?”

“Pearl, please write down ‘no eating clouds’, and underline it.”

“I am not going to dispute that.”

As Pearl was writing down the rule that Jasper ruled as stupid and less relevant to her than the others, she began to silently argue with herself. Part of her wanted to throw a fit and rip all of these gems forms apart, and the other part knew that was a stupid idea and wanted actually be useful to the Authority for the first time since landing back on prison cell of a planet.

“What will you do if I defy you? If I don’t comply with these conditions?”

Garnet shifted her visor. “Then we will have no choice than you surrender you to Homeworld.”

Jasper laughed as the other Crystal Gems started to yell at Garnet in defiance. “How the fuck do you think you could manage that without getting yourselves captured.”

She shifted her visor again. “We have means of off-world travel. We would be able to poof you, bubble you, and send you back to homeworld without getting ourselves involved.”

“You think I wouldn’t tell them?”

“You think they would listen to you after you reform?”

Jasper stayed silent, she wasn’t going to lie and say yes, but she wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of saying no. ‘Can she read minds, as well as see the future? I’m sure she knows I would be shattered on sight-‘

Jasper’s head felt heavy, and she began to feel herself become less focused on the conversation. She hated this situation, she didn’t want to comply, but complying was her best chance of finding out information for others to be able to defeat these gems. Even if she can’t report to Yellow Diamond, they’ll be taken care of.

She flinched as Garnet crouched down in front of her, and tapped her knee. Jasper looked down, directly into Garnet’s visor, only to see her tired eyes blankly staring back at her. 

“There are a few things that I want you to keep in mind, but they don’t have to be written down as a house rule.”

Jasper grunted. “Fine, but I’m not making any promises.”

“Try to keep an open mind, things are different here. We are different than Homeworld. Some things you can say there, you won’t be able to say here without backlash- meaning we will be verbally defiant. We may say some things that offends Homeworld morals. It’s been a long time since we have been there, Steven and Amethyst don’t know Homeworld’s values.”

“All of that is a given. I’m not an idiot.”

“You can try to learn how to open up about your feelings, whether it’s to us or yourself. You will be allowed to express yourself in ways you weren’t allowed to before. We will try and encourage you to express yourself.”

“I express myself just fine.”

“Jasper. This isn’t going to be easy. Your gem and form aren’t in the state they used to be- in fact, I believe that this disconnection could have started during your time as Malachite.” Jasper didn’t notice that she flinched at her first fusions name. “Your mental state will feel less stable, because you’re not being forced to mould yourself by Homeworld’s standards.”

Jasper wanted to lash out, but her arms felt as heavy as her head.

“I want to make sure of the fact that you are welcome to talk to us about anything, we won’t judge you. Actually- Please add ‘don’t use personal information against each other for the sole purpose of hurting the other person’ to the list.”

Jasper muttered “You expect me to believe Rose won’t continue to try to manipulate me?” to herself before her thoughts started to slur together, which made her decide to she stop talking. She was starting to wish she was able to be unconscious during the night, instead of spending the night awake, staring at the ceiling.

Amethyst cleared her throat. “Hey, going back to the rules. Stop calling Steven Rose sounds like a good rule to me.”

“Thank you, Amethyst.”

“We’re setting a lot of rules guys- I don’t think she’ll be able to get stuck into all of them right away. I think, rules like don’t hurt each other should be focused on more, but rules like ‘don’t call me Rose’ can be worked on later.”

“What so like, you’re cool with her calling you Rose?”

“Ehhhh, not really? I just think it’s better if she isn’t poofing you guys and calling me Rose, than if she calls me Steven and kills us all. Right Jasper?”

“What? I wasn’t listening after Pearl said to stop calling you Rose.” Jasper’s small smile went unnoticed as Pearl vocalised her frustration through incoherent noises.

“What do you think is better? Calling me Rose and not poofing us, or calling me Steven and poofing us.”

Jasper’s eyes felt heavy again, as she held back the urge to yawn. Part of her was surprised she was still listening. “Calling you Rose, and dissipating you all sounds better to me. But I assume the answer you desire is me saying I won’t kill you.”

“See! She’s already making progress!”

Amethyst looked at Steven, and it wasn’t too hard to read that the words ‘what the fuck’ were probably running through her gem. “Steven, she literally just said killing us sounds good.”

“But she also figured out what we would think is better! Which means that she’s already on the path to living here alongside us!””

‘You have to admit that Rose has a point.  
This situation is less than preferable. At least I can get a good fight or two out of it, aside from potential intel for the Authority.  
But could easily be worse. You have already dissipated one of them, and cracked another since reforming. That’s putting aside everything that happened before your corruption.  
Yeah, but they’re too pathetic to shatter me. Their emotions are getting in the way of any productivity with me. This should be to be easy. All I have to do is play along with their stupid Earthloving regime. Seems like an easy enough way to collect useful information for Yellow Diamond.  
Right, because you’re so trustworthy.  
I am trustworthy.  
Not to them... Pretending to love and appreciate Earth isn’t going to be so easy when it’s the root of everything that is wrong with you. Do you even truely believe you’ll be able to find a way to report back to Yellow Dia-’

Jasper hadn’t realised it, but while she was focusing on her thoughts, she was draining out the other gems talking, again. She quickly drifted off to sleep, her head tilting slightly to the side as she lost consciousness. She would wake up to find the others had laid her down on the couch and put a blanket over her, but that wouldn’t be for another few hours.

Steven watched as Jasper fell asleep. It felt weird to see her like this, so tired. But as be began to think back- she almost always looked tired. She always had bags under her eyes. She had just rarely seemed tired, had she even known she was tired?

Steven asked the others to be quiet, and pointed to Jasper. Her mouth was open slightly, and she wasn’t snoring, but her breathing was loud and heavy.

“Oh great, we half figure out what is maybe going on and she falls asleep.”

“Pearl, I want you to write ‘we are all equal’ in capital letters. I think that’s the most important rule. We can just leave them as that for now. The rest can be learnt as we go along.”

“Garnet? I don’t like this.” Garnet put her hand on Pearl’s back.

“It’s not the most ideal situation. Try to look at it as us giving her an opportunity to better her life. She doesn’t have to become a Crystal Gem, but... Steven thinks this is the right thing to do.” Garnet smiled at Steven. “So it’s worth giving it a shot.”

“Hopefully this time works better than Centi.”

“You’ve already fully healed Jasper. This is already going well- it will be hard for all of us, and she will resist, but this could turn out okay.”

Amethyst giggled to herself. “She’s never going to like us, the thought of her living her and becoming friends with us seems ridiculous.”

Pearl noticed Steven opening the door out the corner of her eye. “Where do you think you’re going, Steven?”

“This seems kind of sorted- for now anyways. I’m gonna go meet up with Dad and Connie. We made plans the other day... I don’t want to cancel again.”

“Steven, I think we have more important matter on our hands than-“ Garnet cut Pearl off.

“Enjoy yourself Steven. Also, make sure Greg opens the green can, not the organge one. It’s very important.”

“Okie dokie! See you all later.”

Steven felt bad about leaving the gems with Jasper, since she had been a high threat to them multiple times. But she was a threat because of his mum, and she thought he was her. So maybe it was better if he wasn’t always there to help. Plus she was asleep now, so she can’t do any real damage.

“Are you okay Steven? You look upset.”

Steven hadn’t realised how quiet he had been since he had sat down on the sheet that had been put down behind his dad’s van, which was parked at his car wash. The juice in his juice box had ran out a few minutes ago, and he was just sucking on the air without realising. 

“Is this about...” She quickly glanced at Greg. “Stevnonnie?”

“No... yes? I- I did something I maybe shouldn’t have.”

“What did you do Stew-ball. I’m sure whatever it was, we can fix it.”

“That’s the problem- what I did was fixing something.”

“If it fixed something, how was it bad?”

“The thing I did wasn’t bad itself, but... it’s defiantly made things harder.” Steven looked down at his crossed legs and sighed. It felt like minutes before he spoke again. “I healed Jasper.”

Connie spat out the juice she was part way through swallowing. “You did WHAT?”

“Who’s Jasper?”

“She’s that gem I told you about a while ago- who gave me a black eye. She came in the hand ship. A bunch of things happened and she ended up fusing with a corrupted gem and getting herself corrupted.”

“If she was the bad guy, why did you heal her?” Greg looked confused.

“I felt bad- There’s a few gems that are hurt because of mum, because of me. She was a gem I thought I could try and help.”

Steven wasn’t sure if he should tell Lapis and Peridot that Jasper was healed. They mostly stayed to the barn, and hadn’t shown up to the temple unannounced, but what if they did?

“I don’t know if I should tell Lapis and Peridot. They were on the ship with Jasper. I’m really worried about telling Lapis. I’m worried Lapis will try to run away again, but I have no idea how Jasper would react if I mentioned Lapis. I really don’t know what would happen if they see each other.”

“Did something happen?” Steven kept forgetting that Greg didn’t know as much as Connie, did since he wasn’t around to experience the repercussions like she had been, so he didn’t need to explain what had lead up to it.

“Because they fused after the ship fell, and Lapis kept Jasper at the bottom of the ocean for like a year. She did it to try and protect me from her, though.”

“I can see why them seeing each other would be a problem then. Jasper would be pretty angry at her.”

“Uuuuuh, well. I don’t think she is angry at her.” Steven paused and looked up at Greg and Connie, who both Looked confused and like they wanted Steven to elaborate. “You remember that boat you rented, dad?”

“The one I bought because it got wrecked? Yeah... why?”

“Jasper had followed Lapis to beg her to fuse again. I don’t understand why, Lapis said she was really mean to her, that she hurt her too. I mean I even kind of saw part of it when I connected with them in my dreams, they both looked exhausted, it was like Lapis was trying to drown her, not that they can drown. Anyway... Jasper tried to hurt me when Lapis said no. Lapis then kind of broke the boat, when she punched Jasper away with water.”

“Wait, Jasper liked being part of Malachite, even though Lapis said she was hurt her?”

“I don’t know if she liked it, but it made her feel stronger. I guess she liked that.”

The three heard a quiet crash from inside the van. Greg waved it off, saying things fall over in there all the time, and that it didn’t sound like anything broke, before the conversation started again.

“I know she wanted to fuse with Lapis, so she could hurt you guys, but wouldn’t she hate it after it turned bad for her?”

Greg rubbed the back of his neck, he didn’t understand gem stuff much, but thinking back to his parents and even his old manager, he felt like he might be able to understand part of it. Even if he didn’t have the full picture. “Well, maybe she didn’t know anything else? If she hadn’t fused before, and doesn’t know anything about a healthy fusion, she might think the bad stuff isn’t bad.”

“I don’t think I understand Mr. Universe. Shouldn’t she just know that it was bad?”

“Sometimes, it takes a lot of time to realise you’re in a bad situation. Especially when you don’t want to admit it...” Greg trailed off, not wanting to think about his past, he tried to move on to a different part of the conversation. “Has she done anything else? Maybe if you try to think about why she did something, you can think of ways to control her- until she comes around.”

“Yeah... She poofed Garnet when we first met her. And put Ruby and Sapphire in these prison cells on separate ends of the ship. Before she gave me a black eye. I- I never asked if she poofed Pearl and Amethyst, or if she just dragged them back onto the ship. They were in cells too.”

“Well, she did poof Amethyst at least once. I was there when she did that! She came out of the ocean on this corrupted gem after we got distracted by another corrupted gem.”

“I think that was the corrupted gem she fused with to try and fight Amethyst and I when we fused- that’s how she got corrupted. She was collecting the corrupted gems and fusion experiments, for an army to fight me.”

“Because she thinks you’re Rose?” Greg focused on this thoughts for a moment, before he turned around to reach into his van. He pulled out an orange can, which reminded Steven of what Garnet has warned him.

“Wait dad- don’t open that one. Open the green one.”

Greg looked down at the can. “Why?”

“Uhhhh- I’m not actually sure. But Garnet said to.”

Greg laughed. “Well, she obviously knows something we don’t know... maybe that’s what the crash was earlier. The can could be shaken up.” Greg put the orange can on the ground and grabbed a green one out of the van instead. He opened it, and began to drink from it... before remembering what they had just been talking about.

“Steven... I think it’s really sweet that you want to help, but. I’m starting to wonder if you’re doing anything other than putting yourself in danger.”

“We have sort of figured out an agreement- like we did with Peridot.”

“Before or after she pushed me off the barn roof?”

“Uh, yeah. Before... But Jasper is less of a threat now than she has been.”

“It doesn’t sound like she’s very nice.”

“But that’s because she doesn’t know anything different than Homeworld! Well, I mean, she was kind of made on Earth, so she knows Earth during the war times. But she only knows Homeworld’s ways. She only hates me because she thinks I’m mum, and mum shattered Pink Diamond, who kind of created her. That’s why she’s mean to us. When she realises I’m not Rose, things should get better. Maybe...”

“But Steven, I’ve met her- she’s more than just mean. She’s bad.”

“I just want to help her. There was a point where I thought Peridot was bad, but deep down she was just loyal to Yellow Diamond, but wanted to help us when she realised that she wasn’t like she thought she was.”

“But if Jasper is loyal to Pink Diamond, how are you going to help her? Pink is dead, and she thinks you killed her.”

“Yeah. It will be a challenge, but for now things are maybe under control... sort of.” Steven thought back to the last few days. “I was able to heal Jaspers corruption, but she isn’t the same as she used to be.”

“How so?”

“If it was someone else, I would say I think she was just scared, but I don’t know. Garnet says she has a partial disconnection from her gem, and it’ll make her tired? She also said it could make it harder for her to think... or it would be easier for her to poof? There’s more to it, but I don’t really understand it.”

“You said corruption is like making them sick, like they forget who they are. Has she forgotten who she is?”

“No, she definitely remembers. Garnet said I fully healed the corruption, even though she still has horns and some different coloured spots- I guess they’re like scars? I think this disconnection thing is entirely different. Jasper was really upset when Sapphire told her about it, she wouldn’t have gotten that upset if she didn’t know what it was.”

“Has she done anything bad since you healed her?”

“Well, she reformed kind of funny. Reminded me of when Amethyst was forcing herself to come back too quickly after being poofed. But instead of her body being all misshaped, she wasn’t awake when she came back. It took her a few days to reform, and she tried to attack us when she did, but then she started coughing up blood...

“Gems can bleed?”

“Well, it kind of looked like light, but the light faded and it looked like blood. After a while she stopped moving, and didn’t talk until the next day. When she was asking to be poofed- she even laughed. It was really weird, and it was kind of scary? She seemed to be all panicky, which isn’t like her, she thought we were going to torture her.”

“What happened after that? Did she calm down?”

“We thought she did, and I ran a bath for her to clean off the blood. But when I came back to check on her, she had scratched herself a lot and it was like she couldn’t hear us. I touched her and I think she started to have a panic attack. She started to scratch herself even more, her fingernails were kind of like claws and the scratches were really deep. The gems dragged me out of the bathroom so she wouldn’t hurt me. She ended up running away.”

“She ran away! Did you find her!”

“What? Oh- yeah. She’s asleep on the couch. We followed her and kept our distance until she went back to normal. Well, until she was talking and seemed to be able to hear us again. She thought we were going to hurt her because of what she did, but I don’t think she remembered doing any of it.”

“Were you able to heal her?”

“Yeah, I healed her and we brought her back home. That’s when Garnet did a thing and found out what is wrong with her. She unfused during it, but she’s back now. Jasper got really angry when Sapphire tried to tell her there was something wrong with her, and she poofed her. She tried to run away but Pearl got in the way so Jasper pushed her away and accidentally cracked her.”

“Is Pearl okay? I know you were really worried after Amethyst’s gem got cracked.”

“Yeah, I healed her. She’s back too. After Jasper ran away again, and Ruby brought her back, she wanted to wait until Pearl came back for Sapphire to finish explaining what was wrong. Garnet explained what was wrong instead, she still seemed angry but was more in control of herself. That was yesterday, I ended up falling asleep.... but Jasper seemed calmer this morning.”

The three of them were silent. Neither Greg nor Connie had expected to hear what they had just been told, and while they had been prompting Steven to continue talking about it, they needed more time to process it.

“What are you supposed to do now?”

“Try and help her be a better gem, I guess. I’m really hopeful- even if she doesn’t learn how to love Earth like we do, I think she’ll be able to learn how to live like we do. She actually seems to be kind of smart at picking things up.”

“And if she doesn’t? If she becomes an even worse threat?”

Steven wasn’t sure if Garnet’s threats were true, but he didn’t want to tell his dad and best friend, even if they were. 

“We will have to bubble her...”


	6. Meaningless Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 1: Healed Corruption

It was silent when Jasper woke up.

While she didn’t know the word for it, she felt groggy. She groaned as she pushed herself into a sitting position. Her right arm was covered in a thick liquid. When she yawned, she realised the liquid came from her mouth.

Jasper curled her lip as she wiped the drool off of her face. ‘This is disgusting.’

“Morning Sunshine. Need help cleaning up?”

Jasper tightly closed her eyes, rubbed her eyes with her dry hand, and opened them again. Her vision was blurry, but when it came into focus, she saw that only Amethyst was in the room with her. “Do they usually leave their prisoners alone?”

“You’re not a prisoner, and you’re not alone.”

Jasper shook her arm and watched as her saliva dissipated with dull sparkles of light. “Right, so being forced to stay here and conform to your expectations, with the implied threat of shattering over my head, doesn’t make me a prisoner?”

“Nope.”

Jasper grunted and looked around the room. “Where are the others?”

“Dunno. Went off on a mission or something. I’m babysitting you.”

Jasper didn’t know what babysitting was, but she inferred that it was some earth term for keeping her under supervision. Why they would assign the Runt to keep her under control baffled her.

Amethyst was sitting on the kitchen bench. She appeared to be piling different types of Earth products onto some sort of disk. Some of the items looked organic, but others didn’t.

“You want something to eat? I’m making a sandwich.”

“Eat?”

“Yeah like, put it in your mouth, chew it into a mush, swallow it, and wait for it to pass through your body.”

Jasper curled her lip again, and looked absolutely disgusted. “I’m not doing that.”

Amethyst shrugged. “Eh, your loss.” Jasper watched as Amethyst began to put the monstrosity she called a sandwhich into her mouth. Jasper thought eating sounded disgusting enough, but she wasn’t prepared for how it looked when she could see the food being grounded into a paste in Amethysts mouth. 

This definitely wasn’t something she wanted to experience.

She was suddenly reminded of during the war. Sometimes the other Earth Quartzes would grab handfuls of organic material and sneak up behind another Quartz, and force it into their mouths. Covering it so that they would be forced to swallow. No Quartz was stupid enough to do it to Jasper, and she didn’t do it to others, but she had watched them. They called it a prank, and it didn’t look fun to be on the receiving end.

“So, what are we gonna do for your first day?”

“First day?”

“Yeah! First proper day of being stuck with us.”

Jasper crossed her arms and quickly leant back on the couch, which creaked under her sudden shift of weight. She looked out the window, only to find the ocean staring back at her, it’s blue taunting her.

“Look, sis, you’re gonna have to learn how to be more enthusiastic about this situation. Otherwise you’re just torturing yourself.”

“I can’t return to my Homeworld, and you expect me to be enthusiastic to be stuck with gems I would rather shatter?”

“Well, Earth is your Homeworld now.” Jasper grunted at the Runt, and went back to staring out the window. “Do you want to go outside?”

Jasper took a moment to consider her question. 

‘Going outside could be nice... but I would have to walk past the ocean, where I was dra-  
Scared of the ocean. What a great trait for a soldier.  
The ocean doesn’t scare me.  
Then Lapis scares you? Malachite?  
No.  
Are you scared about being without them?’

“Jasper. Did you hear me?”

“No.”

“I said-”

Jasper scoffed. “I know what you said, Runt. My answer is no.”

Amethyst groaned in frustration. She ate the last bite of her sandwich before she continued to try to talk to Jasper. “Do you not like being outside?”

“I prefer it.”

“Then why don’t you want to?” Jasper just groaned and started to look at the small table that was at her feet. “Fine. Don’t talk. See if I care.”

“You know, this is hard for all of us. My experiences with you aren’t exactly the best, and neither is anyone else’s.”

“Am I supposed to be grateful?”

“No... but I was hoping you’d maybe be a little easier to talk to. I mean, we’re both Quartzes from Earth, we have something in common.”

“I am nothing like you. I came out the way I was supposed to.”

“And look at where you are now. We’re both as defective as each other...” Amethyst pushed herself off the counter and began to mumble to herself “except my ‘defect’ isn’t my own fault.”

Jasper stood up to yell at Amethyst for being a runt, before she was distracted by the warp activating. She looked over to see the other three show up.

“Hey! Jasper’s awake. Morning Jasper!” 

She rolled her eyes at Rose’s cheerful tone. 

“I hope nothing bad happened while we were gone.”

Jasper crossed her arms at Garnet. “Nothing worth mentioning.”

“Pfft, nah Sis, I ate a bomb sandwich. That’s definitely worth mentioning.”

“I hope you didn’t use the engine oil I set aside for Greg’s van.” Pearl narrowed her eyes at Amethyst as she shrugged. “I swear to god, Amethyst. Stop putting that stuff on your sandwiches.”

Jasper noted that Pearl and Amethyst have the most pointless arguments out of the group.

“I asked Jasper what we were gonna do on her first day, but she got all moody. Said she didn’t wanna go outside.”

Jasper rolled her eyes. She wanted to be out of the temple, she just didn’t want to be near the ocean just yet. She was so sick of water.

Garnet shifted her visor. “Jasper, our mission was unsuccessful. We were unable to find the corrupted gem. If you come with me, we might be able to successfully find her.”

“Why should I?”

“It would just be you and I. We can take the warp pad.”

Jasper was just as sick of fusions as she was water, but it would be better to be out of the temple with technically one gem, rather than being in the temple with the other three. Garnet did seem to be less inclined to make remarks to piss her off.

“Fine.”

Jasper kind of liked how Pearl was so objective. Garnet seemed to make a lot of suggestions towards Jasper that would agitate Pearl, and it amused Jasper. She wanted to push that. She wanted everyone to be as miserable in this situation as she was. ‘Just like Lapis.’

Jasper shook the though from her gem. She interrupted the bickering “Let’s just hurry up and get this over with.”

Taking the warp pad with the fusion wasn’t the most fun thing in the world, but she really felt like she could breath when she was teleported to the outdoors.

The air felt good around her. It was cool on her form, and breathing it in through her mouth felt comforting. She didn’t feel suffocated.

While she didn’t realise, Garnet waited for Jasper to indicate she was ready before trying to discuss the mission. She didn’t want to interrupt Jasper when she looked half peaceful.

It was a few minutes before Jasper realised that they weren’t doing anything. “So, what are we doing?”

“It’s a simple gem retrieval mission. I’ve sensed some activity in this part, but we’ve been having trouble figuring out where the gem is. It’s not a pressuring mission, this gem is pretty far from any human and won’t cause much damage.”

Garnet pointed to the general direction she believed the gem was, and Jasper began to walk that way.

She noticed that Garnet stuck behind her while they were walking. Jasper stayed silent. If she stayed silent, she would be able to hear the fusion’s footsteps. That way she could figure out if she was getting closer to her, or if she sped up to try to attack her.

She was so focused on the footsteps, ready to summon her helmet, that she wasn’t trying to track down the gem. There wasn’t much use to it though. Garnet stayed at the same distance away from Jasper, matching her speed.

Jasper stopped focusing on Garnet, and tried to focus on the mission they were on.

They had been searching in silence for hours. Jasper couldn’t find any indentations in the ground to follow, and she wasn’t able to sense any gem around her. Even with Garnet just a few steps behind her, she couldn’t sense her. She could hear her, and could see her when she turned around, but she couldn’t sense her.

“You ask a lot of questions.”

Jasper stopped walking for a few seconds. She hadn’t said anything, why did the fusion say that? 

Garnet stopped next to her. She didn’t seem to be looking at Jasper, since her body wasn’t turned to her. But for all Jasper knew, Garnet could be looking at her out the corner of her eyes.

Jasper began to take slow, small, steps, as she considered the statement. Garnet slowly began to trail her again. “I’m well aware of that.”

“I’m not surprised... There’s nothing wrong with it. I think it’s good that you desire information. Don’t be afraid to ask us questions. There are some we won’t be able to answer, or wont want to answer. But you’re free to ask.”

Small interactions like this with the fusion made Jasper uncomfortable. Her future vision allowed her to asses what the best things for her to say would be. Every statement she made to Jasper felt like it was heavily premeditated, and laced with other intentions. 

Jasper couldn’t bring herself to trust Garnet because of this.

‘This must have something to do with the disconnection. Great. Tracking down gems was one of my biggest strengths and now it’s gone. This shit better fix itself and fast... I’m sick of losing everything that defines me.’

“Let’s go back to the temple. We can try again another day.” Garnet’s voice made Jasper jump. She had been lost in her thoughts again.

Jasper sighed. 

‘Jasper’s don’t give up. We keep going until we get what we want.  
Then just decide you don’t want to do this today. Then it’s not giving up.’

“Whatever.”

It was an hours walk back to the temple. Garnet had tried to strike up a conversation with Jasper a couple times, but she hadn’t responded.

Part way through, instead of trying to have a conversation with Jasper, Garnet just began to recite a couple stories to Jasper. She remembered Greg reading stories to Steven during the first couple weeks after he had moved into the temple.

Jasper cared very little about the content of Garnet’s words. But it was better than deafening silence, or the constant torment of her own thoughts.

Once they had warped back inside the temple, Jasper sat on the floor beside the couch, leaning her back against the wall, with her knees curled up to her chest. 

The mission was a failure. She felt tired. She felt like shit. She felt like an Agate would appear around a corner and call her useless, before summoning her whip.

She was determined to be observant, to mentally note any information of the Crystal Gems routines that she considered to be of value to Yellow Diamond. But she realised that she hadn’t found much information that was useful. 

The location of their base meant little, since the Earth was due to be ripped apart by the cluster, and as far as she knew, they had no means of getting off planet. The fact they hunted down corrupted gems wasn’t useful either, for the same reason. Garnet’s stories about a kid who planted beans, and some wolf who dressed up as an elderly human to eat a little girl weren’t useful either. 

Jasper didn’t even know what beans, wolves, or grandmothers were.

She just sat in silence at the emotional realisation that she wasn’t doing a very good job. She didn’t move. She had to remind herself that this mission she had assigned herself, wasn’t one where she could be impatient. She had to take her time, it was a strategic mission. She couldn’t just complete it with brute force.

The Gems around her seemed concerned that she was going to have another outburst, but she just sat there. Most of the time she was unknowingly draining any noise out, and her eyes were fixed on a small nail that partially stuck out of one of the floorboards.

She needed time to process everything, but she struggled to focus. Her gem wasn’t working the way it was supposed to, but Jasper felt so numb she almost didn’t notice.

The one thing that Jasper thought was useful, was that the Crystal Gems weren’t as structured as she thought. They didn’t have a schedule, barely had assigned tasks, and when they did go on missions, it seemed they would just randomly close who would attend. 

They weren’t an organised rebellion anymore. Their numbers were extremely limited, and their members are barely a threat, unfused. The Authority would be happy to know they would be easier to overpower this time.

Every now and again, Jasper would make a noise. Some sort of grunt or sigh in response to the thoughts that were running around in her gem. She desperately wanted something interesting to happen, something that would give her the motivation to uncurl herself and do something.

It was a week before anything she considered noteworthy happened...


	7. Her Palanquin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 2: Always back to Earth
> 
> Jasper learns how a simple Earth book can cause so much trouble.

Rose arguing with the Crystal Gems caught Jasper’s attention. At first she only caught snippets of it, it took more effort than she would like to admit to focus on the conversation. 

Rose seemed to be yelling at them for... something. She wasn’t exactly sure what. Jasper just thought it was interesting that she was yelling at these gems like this. It was new.

Jasper didn’t really care what they were arguing about, until she heard Rose say “I’ve seen this in a dream, it’s pink. Does it have something to do with Pink Diamond? I already know that mum shattered her, no thanks to you guys. So why don’t you just be honest this time?”

Jasper cringed at the mention of her Diamond’s demise. She didn’t want to be around an argument involving her, not when that argument was between traitors and their leader who shattered her. 

She started to wonder if this argument was staged. Rose knew about Pink Diamond, she was just playing some sort of act that she isn’t Rose in some desperate attempt to not face the consequences of her actions. Why she’s keeping the act up even when Jasper couldn’t get back to Homeworld, confused Jasper. It’s not like they knew she was trying to collect information on them.

“WELL, WHAT IF I ASK JASPER? MAYBE SHE WOULD TELL ME!” The mention of her own name made her flinch. ‘Why is Rose bringing me into this?’

“Steven please, let this rest, you’re upsetting Pearl.”

“No! I’m the one who is upset! I was promised honesty, and you’re not telling me anything! You seem more concerned about keeping Rose happy, than me. And mum isn’t even here anymore!”

Jasper slowly got up from the spot she hadn’t moved from in a week, since her failed corrupted gem recovery mission. Jasper figured they were staging the argument for Jasper to react to in a way they could extract information from her, somehow. Although she couldn’t understand how they could do that, she didn’t want to be used by them.

These gems were so preoccupied with their argument, that they didn’t notice when Jasper got up and walked towards the front door of the beach house.

As Jasper opened the door, the human Rose seemed to hang around, began to speak. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed.”

“Don’t apologise Connie, I finally have something that can teach me about gem stuff that isn’t these two! Amethyst, you’re kinda excluded from this, because you don’t know much more than I do.”

Jasper heard the human try to speak again, but didn’t pay attention to what was said until Rose spoke again. At that point she was at the bottom of the stairs, but Jasper has very strong hearing, and Rose was yelling.

They had noticed she left. “I’m going to go find her, alone. When I do, I’m asking Jasper whether you guys like it or not. Maybe then I could get some answers.” 

Jasper was already walking away from the beach house when she heard Rose declare she was going to talk to her. She had avoided looking at the ocean, as she walked from the sand onto the dirt.

As her foot hit the dirt, she heard Rose behind her, yelling out to her as she ran down the stairs. “JASPER? Hey Jasper! Where are you going?”

Jasper ignored her, as she walked through the town behind the temple. She was unphased by the looks she got by the few humans that were there. They were all used to seeing Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, but they had never seen someone so tall, or anyone who was orange with red stripes.

Pearl didn’t want her interacting with humans, and while it wasn’t made a rule, she was happy to not talk to them.

Steven was following her, but had stopped calling her name. He was curious on where she was going. He wondered if he should go back to the temple and bring one of the gems with him, since he wasn’t really supposed to be with her on his own- but he was angry at them. So he silently followed.

She ended up walking past the water tower, and along the cliff side. While Steven followed her, he stood further from the edge than she did. She suddenly stopped and faced the ocean. She sat down and put her feet over the edge. After a couple minutes, she began to gently swing her legs back and forth, watching the ocean.

“Hey, Jasper. It’s nice to see you moving again. Is it okay if I sit next to you?”

Jasper grunted. “If you stay silent, I don’t care.” It’s not like she could say no.

Jasper continued to look at the ocean as she tried not to focus on Rose sitting down next to her. She wasn’t close, but if Jasper tried, she could reach her. The ocean looked calm, the water was moving slowly onto the beach. It looked so light, but Jasper knew how heavy that body of ocean really was...

It looked so calm. Jasper found herself feeling more at ease. It seemed that when the water was rough, it reminded her of the months she spent fighting to gain control of Malachite, the opportunities Lapis took to take her anger out on her. But when the water was calm, it reminded her of the strength Malachite held, the strength she was lucky enough to be apart of.

“Hey, Jasper? Do you know what this is?” Jasper groaned as she remembered Rose was there, and turned her head. She looked down at the book Rose was holding open in front of her. She wasn’t expecting to see the illustration of the Palanquin that belonged to her original Diamond.

‘What angle is Rose playing at? She already knows what it is, she has been there.’

“That’s a dumb question, and you know it. Why bother asking? It’s a waste of both out time.”

“I- I keep having these dreams about it. I think it has something to do with my mum, and Pink Diamond.”

She rolled her eyes and grunted. “You think?”

“Jasper, please, I don’t have Rose’s memories.” Rose sighed. “Okay, well, just pretend you believe that I’m not Rose, and that Rose is my mum. Does this have something to do with my mum? In my dreams, this thing... Connie said it was called a palanquin, it’s pink. Am I right in thinking it has something to do with Pink Diamond.”

Steven slowly pushed himself a couple feet away from Jasper, leaving the book open on the ground between them. If something he said made her mad, he didn’t want to be within grabbing distance.

“What is this really about? Are you trying to torment me? You think I don’t know what psychological torture is?”

Steven groaned loudly. “Jasper! This isn’t about you! I just want answers.”

Jasper was avoiding making eye contact. She started to think about the last few months since she had been unbubbled.

‘Would she even be able to keep a lie like that? For this long? She hasn’t messed up and talked about anything from the war, or even showed much of an understanding of gem kind. In fact, she showed so little understanding that it was illogical, even if she had been rejuvenated, she would have an understanding of the system. Rose Quartzes aren’t programmed with such an ability to lie.  
They’re not programmed to shatter their Diamond either.’

“Look, Rose, why don’t you ask your Crystal Gems? They’re you’re allies, they’ll tell you.”

“They’re not telling me anything- that’s the whole problem! I only came to you because they won’t tell me. They think they’re protecting me, or maybe just protecting mum. But I knew you don’t care about protecting any of us so... I thought you might tell me something.”

Just like in her dreams, she had the feeling Rose wasn’t going to leave without some form of explanation. It might be easier to give in to the games, she might be able to figure out their strategies if she owes. Hopefully she could get away with saying the bare minimum.  
“This is Our Diamond’s palanquin... it’s where she used to be during the war, safe from the fighting. It was meant to keep her safe, the gems around her...” Jasper didn’t raise her voice, but her tone got more aggressive, more passionate. “They were meant to keep her safe! She wasn’t meant to leave it... and you... you...” Jasper trailed off, Rose looked so confused and scared.

Jasper grunted. Why was she telling Rose any of this? She’s so weak, she doesn’t deserve Jasper’s compliance. “The Palanquin looked how it did in that sketch. Although there was less of that... organic shit all over it.”

“So you don’t know what happened?”

Jasper knew exactly what happened, even though she wasn’t there. Her gem had been planted in the sandstone shortly before she was shattered, Jasper didn’t emerge in time to save her...

“Go back to your base, Rose. Try asking your Crystal Gems again. They’re withholding information from you.”

Steven sighed, and stood up. He seemed to linger a few moments before her spoke. “Thank you, Jasper.” He walked off, back towards the temple. 

Jasper began to drain out any sound, and just focused on the movement of the water of the Ocean before her. She felt sick in her stomach. Being thanked by Rose wasn’t what she expected, and it made her feel bad.

Jasper had already partially negotiated with the Crystal Gems when deciding on the ‘rules’ she was meant to follow. Although other than that, she hadn’t really done much. Sitting in a corner sulking for a week had gotten her as far as when she was having mental breakdowns and blacking out.

‘If I’m going to collect any useful information, I should continue to go along with their lies about Rose. She seemed partially satisfied with my response, if I continue this, I may be able to learn something valuable. They’re very emotional and sentimental, it probably won’t take long for them to let their guard down... especially when I’m in this condition.’

As much as Jasper hated the idea, she could get sympathy from these gems. Their emotions control them, it’s a prominent fault of theirs. One that could be exploited.

Jasper was distracted by the calm movements of the ocean, until she heard footsteps. Three sets of footsteps. While she hadn’t done much in the past week, she had memories what type of footsteps belonged to which gem. 

Amethyst’s footsteps were loud and inconsistent. Pearl’s were quiet, her feet would touch the ground a lot softer. Garnet’s were as loud as Amethyst’s at times, but as consistent and calculated as Pearl’s. While they weren’t there now, Rose’s were always muffled by the material she wore on her feet.

“What did you tell him?!”

Jasper shrugged at Pearl, her eyes were closed. “Why does it matter?”

“Because he has gone off to find out what happened without us!”

Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t she do that even if she didn’t talk to me?”

“No!”

“Yes. I didn’t see any where he didn’t go with Greg it find answers... I- I couldn’t... I tried to warn him.”

“Warn him about what?” Pearl was frantic, while Amethyst was silent. Jasper doubted Amethyst knew anything about Pink Diamond. 

Garnet began to shake. It seemed like she was going to unfuse, before she took a deep breath in and hugged herself. She was literally holding herself together.

“Blue Diamond.”

“Blue Diamond! Garnet! Why didn’t you tell us earlier? We could have sto-”

“She’s a shatterer, Pearl... I-I’m scared. My existence started in her presence, and she was not happy...” Garnet held a hand to her visor, taking another deep breath in. “But even if I had of told Steven, he would have thought I was lying, and would still go.”

Garnet put her hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “Before you ask, if any of us went there to stop him, Blue Diamond would find us all. As bad as this is, we need to wait until she leaves.”

Jasper decided to toy with the game they all seem to be playing. “Maybe you should have been truthful with Rose, and she would trust you.”

“Jasper! You have no idea what you’re talking about! You have no right to give your inpu-“

“While Jasper doesn’t know the entirety of what she’s talking about, she does have a point. We have been trying to protect Steven, but in a way where we are putting Rose’s protection above his. I’m going to go to Steven, you three go back to the temple.”

Jasper listened as Garnet’s footsteps became quieter. She had been focusing her hearing on the quiet noises, which meant her ears rung as she heard the loud voice next to her.

She instinctively put her hands over her ears, and squeezed her eyes back shut. A gentle tap on her shoulder a few seconds later made her drop her hands to her sides and open her eyes. “Well? Are you going to get up?”

Pearl realised how tired Jasper looked when she looked up at her. “What? Why would I do that?”

“Uhh, ‘cause we’re going back to the temple? Come on, I’ll even help you up.” Jasper pushed away Amethyst’s hand as she got herself off of the ground. The brushed herself off, and began to follow the two smaller gems back to the temple.

It wasn’t long before Pearl started to talk again.

“I can’t believe this. You don’t talk or even move for a week, and the first thing you do is break a rule by leaving without permission or supervision, and then go tell Steven stuff behind out backs. We want to protect him from the negatives of Homeworld, there’s some things we don’t tell him, for his own sake.”

“Is that why you don’t tell me shit either?”

“Amethyst, please. We just want you to be happy, you’re lucky you don’t know.”

“Well, don’t I deserve to know? I mean, Steven deserves to know more than you tell him, and I think I deserve that too. Can’t we decide for ourselves?”

“Amethyst, please. We can talk about this later.”

Amethyst crossed her arms and look at the ground while she walked. She seemed to be grumpily mumbling to herself, but Jasper ignored the two gems that were accompanying her, until they got back to the temple.

Once inside, Jasper sat on the cushioned area next to the front door. Shortly into listening to Pearl and Amethyst arguing about what to do next, Jasper felt the need to lay down. Soon after that she fell asleep. 

She hadn’t slept the whole time she had been sitting by the couch. She was able to stay awake that long because she hadn’t been using much of the energy her gem produced, however garnet said she would have to sleep every few days if she was moving around.

Pearl and Amethyst decided to leave Jasper, and time passed before she woke up. It was quiet when she did, but she broke the silence when she began to speak with slurred words. 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but all I told Rose was who the palanquin belonged to.” She looked down at her arm to find it covered in her saliva again. She learnt it was called ‘drooling’, and she hated that she did it.

“But like, who did the palanquin belong to?”

Jasper groaned and coughed to get her voice back to normal. “Our Diamond.”

“Come on, Sis, I don’t have a Diamond.”

Jasper felt like she was never going to stop wiping the saliva off of her, first from her drooling in her sleep, then from her coughing. “Pink Diamond made you, just as she made me. She is our Diamond.”

“Jasper. Amethyst wasn’t around until after the war, and for some reason, she wasn’t programmed with Homeworld’s... traditions engraved in her gem. She has never had a Diamond... and, you don’t have a Diamond either.”

Jasper quickly stood up and threw herself at Pearl, grabbing her by the shoulders- keeping in mind that she wasn’t allowed to actually hurt her. She just wanted to intimidate her. “I will always be loyal to My Diamond.”

“Bruh, if Yellow D saw you, wouldn’t you be shattered on the spot or something? Cause you’re wrong now?” Jasper let go of Pearl, and turned to attention to Amethyst.

She wanted to yell at the Runt for disrespecting her, but she couldn’t deny the truth. She could however, either throw insults at her, or address a different part of the question.

“Yellow Diamond is not my Diamond. I was assigned to her, but Pink Diamond will always be My Diamond. Whether I can or can’t actively serve the Authority, or My Diamond.”

Pearl sighed. “Jasper, while I can respect you being a loyal soldier, I can’t help but voice my concerns about the Autho-“

The warp pad activated. Jasper took this as an opportunity to walk away from the conversation. She was over it. She walked over to the edge of the temple and the house, and leant on the wooden wall.

Steven was breathing frantically. He looked close to having a panic attack. “Blue Diamond took dad!”

“We know. What does she even want him for? He’s just a human, he can’t help her!”

Jasper cracked her back, which caught everyone’s attention. “Probably took him to the Zoo. She runs it now.”

“A zoo? Gem’s don’t have Zoos, do they?”

“Oh they do. I saw it myself, when I still served... Homeworld. It’s a Human Zoo. They took people from their families, and other organic life. Rose wanted to rescue them, but we had no way of getting off planet after the war. Surely it’s not still there, it was over 5000 years ago...”

“Oh it’s very much still there.”

“How much do you know about it?”

Jasper chucked to herself, and walked up to Pearl. “Why should I tell you?”

“Please, Jasper. We need your help...” Garnet shifted her visor. “We need you.”

Jasper turned to face Garnet. Something about being needed stuck something deep in her gem. She sighed, paused for a moment, and shrugged. 

“Not much. I was taken there after the war, all Primes and Betas were... Unlike the others, I ended up being stationed at Homeworld shortly after. From what I can tell, it’s been pretty much ignored by Homeworld since the war.”

“Other than the Earth Quartzes, is there anyone else?”

“I think there’s only one Agate there. One of Blue Diamond’s... If Blue Diamond wanted this dad human alive, she would take him there.”

“Yeah! She wanted him to come with her, she seemed to like him. She said she was surprised he understood her, and that she can still save part of someone’s legacy.”

“Her legacy... She’s definitely taking the human to the Zoo.”

“We need to save Dad!”

“You guys can’t get off world, how do you expect to be able to do that?”

Garnet shifted her visor in response to Jasper’s question. “We can. We have access to a Roaming eye.”

“Oh yeah, we still have the Ruby ship at the barn.”

They all were suddenly silent. Jasper noticed that they were all staring at her.

“The fuck are you looking at?”

“Language, Jasper!”

“Answer the question, Pearl.”

Garnet quickly got between Pearl and Jasper, and put her hand on Jaspers shoulder. Jasper went to grab Garnets wrist, before she began to speak. “Jasper. Where we need to go... Lapis will be there. I need to know that you won’t attack her.”

Jasper’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Lapis? She... doesn’t want to see me. She rejected my fusion proposal, she ordered me to go, I was punished for disobeying. It’s better if I obey her, she’s proven herself to be superior to me. Anyone who can restrain me for that long deserves my loyalty, or at least my compliance. I won’t serve her, but I will respect her orders.’

Jasper found herself crossing her arms looking at the ground again. “It’s not a good idea to bring me to this ‘barn’ location... she doesn’t want to see me.”

Peal scoffed. “Well, you’re not staying here alone.”


	8. Roaming Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 2: Always back to Earth
> 
> They’re going on a trip in their favourite rocket ship.

Jasper found herself sitting on the ground at the barn. Her legs were crossed, as she rested her head on her hands. She was listening to Rose talking on a primitive communication device.

Steven was holding Lapis’s hand, as he was on what he called a phone. He seemed to be mostly preoccupied with the phone call, but was making sure he was there for Lapis.

Jasper was looking at the ground. She knew Lapis didn’t want her there, but she was being forced to be there. She had no choice. The best she could do was avoid eye contact, and not interact with her.

Lapis was cautious. She looked very uncomfortable. After their last interaction on the boat, after every interaction they’d ever had, Lapis just wanted to pretend Jasper didn’t exist. 

Jasper didn’t want to hurt her, she just wanted to be Malachite again. But Lapis didn’t want to sink that low again. 

When Steven had gone with Garnet to the barn to tell Lapis that Jasper was back, and was coming to the barn, She began to freak out. Lapis hadn’t been told that Jasper was corrupted, let alone healed. 

Peridot tried to avoid saying things that would upset Lapis, and felt like this knowledge could upset her. Steven wanted to tell Lapis, but Peridot had said it might be better not to just yet.

Steven told her that she wasn’t a threat, but she didn’t believe it. “How can I just believe that she’s not a threat? After everything I did to her, everything she did to you! She can’t just be harmless!”

“Lapis, please. Jasper... doesn’t even speak much, and when she does, half the time she’s not even all there.”

“What does that even mean?”

“She spent the last week sitting in silence next to the couch. She didn’t move that whole time. She has spent most of the time since being healed asleep, unresponsive, or just silent. When she loses control of herself and lashes out, she hurts herself, not us. When she reformed she wasn’t even awake. She has something called a partial disconnection. Please, Lapis. I need you to stay here, she’ll only be here while we get the ship up, she won’t talk to you.”

“How does that no longer make her a threat? A disconnection makes a gem unstable!”

“We don’t have time to argue Lapis! She promised to leave you alone. Please. This is an emergency. I need my dad back.”

Lapis had sighed and agreed to stay, but even after being told this, she was still cautious. She was ready to lift the water from the small pool, and hold Jasper down, if she tried to hurt anyone else here. Lapis kept her eyes on Jasper in silence, as Steven kept talking to Connie on the phone.

Jasper was too busy trying not to make eye contact with Lapis and listening to her own thoughts, to make any trouble. ‘Is this really what I’ve resorted to? Sulking in a corner? Is that all I am now?’

Jasper began to listen to Peridot and the Crystal gems talking, instead of her self criticising thoughts.

“These ships are a little more complicated, Pearl. These Era 2 ships aren’t like your Era 1 ships. You're gonna be pretty much bending reality if you use the gravity engi-“

“Peridot, I know how to fly a Roaming Eye.” Jasper hadn’t spoken since they had gotten to the barn, and her sudden input made everyone jump. She could hear the water ripple in the pool. “Just thought I’d say that, save you explaining.”

“Oh- Well, then I guess I don’t need to explain the contro-“

“Okay cool, everyone on the ship. Let’s hurry! Bye” Jasper was practically pushed towards the pilots seat of the ship by Rose, as the other gems told Lapis and Peridot to keep the town safe.

Lapis had backed into the barn when Steven let go of her hand. She didn’t want Jasper to look at her, and she didn’t want to be any closer to her than she had to be.

While Jasper hadn’t said anything, she wanted to respect Lapis’s wishes. While she still wanted to feel stronger, she was less desperate to feel that way as Malachite. She wouldn’t dare ask Lapis again, but she would jump at the opportunity if she was given in.

Jasper pushed her thoughts aside as she sat down in the pilots seat. It was a slight squeeze, but she could sit in the seat without discomfort. The ship had been intended to transport her back to Homeworld, after all.

When she got her hands on the controls, she realised she found it easier to concentrate when she called out what she was doing. Usually she would only do that if she was on a ship with a superior on board, or if there were more than two gems in the cockpit.

Jasper called out “Status: preparing for descent” once she heard the door close. She ignored the upset comments by the gems who hadn’t yet sat down. Jasper planned on getting out of the solar system before putting in the coordinates and engaging the gravity engines.

“Sooo, how do you feel?”

Jasper’s fingers paused. She looked at Rose out the corner of her eye. “What?”

“You just saw Lapis for the first time in a while, I was just wondering how you-“

“Fuck off.”

Steven didn’t push any further. He walked back over to Garnet and held her hand. Jasper drained out their conversation about Greg as she continued to tap away at the screens.

The screens started to show a few alerts, and Jasper decided to answer their questions before they asked them. “Alert: there’s a few asteroids out, I should be able to dodge th- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?”

“Language!”

“ARE THOSE RUBIES?”

“Uh- yeah...”

“WHY are there Rubies-“

Steven stepped closer to Jasper again. “Oh yeah... uh... Yellow Diamond sent some Rubies after you? Long story short, we kinda sucked them into space. You’re pretty important, huh?”

Jasper sighed and shook her head. ‘Nice too know Yellow Diamond still values me, although I doubt she still would if she saw what state I’m in now.’ Jasper went back to being silent, and continued touching the controls.

“We really should do something about them.”

“We can deal with them later, dad takes priority. How long until we get there?”

“We should get there in approximately seventy years!”

“What? Pearl! He’s not healthy enough to live that long.”

Jasper scoffed. “ETA: incorrect. It won’t take that long.”

“Why not?”

“Gravity engine.”

“Yeah Peridot said it bends reality, or something.”

“She was probably just exaggerating.”

“It wasn’t the best description, but it wasn’t an exaggeration. All I have to do is touch my hand to this screen and-“

Before Jasper could say she needed to alter a few of the current calibrations, Steven slammed his hand down on the screen. Jasper felt her form stretch slightly as the gravity engine was activated. She watched as Steven fell to the ground, as her form returned to normal. It was a few minutes before he regained consciousness.

Jasper looked back at the other gems. Her form was back to normal, but theirs were compact. “Good one, Rose.”

“What are you guys doing? Are you okay?”

“Yeah we are.”

“No we’re not!”

“This is pretty funny.”

“How on Earth is this funny?”

“We’re not on Earth.”

“Amethyst!”

“Can you shapeshift back?”

“Hehe, nope. Man I hope this is permanent”

Pearl was getting increasingly frustrated with Amethyst. Jasper would tell the Runt to shut up so she could concentrate, if she wasn’t finding Pearl’s dismay entertaining.

Steven looked at the gems for a few moments, before something clicked. “Didn’t Peridot say it’s calibrated for Rubies?”

“I don’t know if she said it, but it is. That’s why you’re all like that.”

“Why aren’t you our size then?”

Jasper tapped on a couple screens. “Must be because they were assigned to bring me back, they must have had a Peridot or a Howlite do some some coding so that I wouldn’t be effected by it.”

Jasper got up from the seat and walked over to another screen. “Order: Rose, just adjust the calibration on that screen, while I put in the coordinates over here.” 

Steven sat in the seat that Jasper had just been in, and began to fiddle with the controls.

Jasper ignored the fuss that was being made as the other gems forms were being altered. The gems sizes were altered from being the size of a Quartz, to the side of a Mica flake, to the size of a Diamond. 

Jasper didn’t care until Amethysts foot was in her back, knocking her into the screen in front of her. “Fuck off, Runt.”

“Sorry Sis.”

“Order: Rose, open up the calibration settings and adjust it manually, instead of just messing with the defaults. It’s not going to work with different gem types on board.”

Steven tried to ask Jasper how to access the settings, but Jasper summoned her helmet and healed “Update: can’t hear you” when he started to talk. 

Steven started to touch the screen with visible uncertainty. As he pressed more options, the forms of his family became more unstable, as if their gems were cracked. Jasper found it highly amusing, but only because she wasn’t being effected by it.

“Jasper! Tell him which ones to press.”

“I’m doing something more important. Your forms can wait.”

“I bet you’d find it a priority if your form was being effected by this.”

Jasper stayed silent, but grinned. “Location Status: outside of local solar system. Update: destination coordinates set. Next line of action: readjusting calibrations for form stability in preparation of nova thruster activation.”

The screen lit up in front of Steven in response to Jasper’s update. “I think I found the off switch!”

Jasper looked over to see a red X on the screen. “Rose! Wait! Don’t press that!”

By the time Jasper had finished her sentence, Steven had already pressed it. The ship turned red, and the gems were dragged to the back of the ship. Their light forms were out of sight.

The Crystal Gems light were the first to return to their gems. “You’re back!” Steven ran up to his family and hugged them while he started to cry. “I thought I lost you, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Jasper’s form took longer to return to the ship than the other gems had. When she returned, she fell to her knees, and her form began to glitch.

“Good fucking job Rose. You’re lucky you didn’t get us shattered.”

“Jasper! Are you okay? What’s wrong? Why are you glitching? Is your gem cracked?”

“Shut the fuck up, and stop asking-” She couldn’t finish the sentence as the glitch in her form kept interrupting her. 

“She’ll be okay. This is just one of the side effects of her disconnection. Jasper, you need to stop moving, and stop talking. Your form will stabilise quicker if you do.”

Once Jasper’s form returned to normal, she stood up and ran her fingers through her hair, moving the hair out of her face. She coughed and spat a small amount of light into the ground. It dissipated into light sparkles as it touched the ground. She walked back over to the screens, as if nothing had happened.

“Uh, Jasper? What did I do?”

“You didn’t listen to me is what you did.”

“While you were still uh, lagging, behind the ship? Pearl said I turned off the calibra-“

“You activated the Nova thrusters. The ship was going faster than the speed of light.”

“So, you guys really were just, behind the ship? Because your light couldn’t keep up?” Jasper didn’t answer, but Steven continued to think about what happened. “Wait, but, it only stopped because I pressed the button. How would gems be able to turn it off?”

“It wouldn’t of happened, if you let me finish what I was doing. I called out my next line of action, you should of waited for me to call up the update of completion.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jasper turned back around to face Rose, and began to speak through gritted teeth. “Sorry doesn’t cut it, Rose. You could have gotten all of us shattered. What use would you be to dad human if you killed us?”

“Jasper! Steven is already upset.”

Jasper sighed. “I really don’t care. It’s irrelevant to the mission.”

Before Pearl could respond, Steven spoke up. “I almost ruined everything. If I wasn’t able to stop it, we would have crashed into... that.” The gems looked out the screens, to see the Zoo ship.

Garnet put her hand on Steven’s head in an attempt to comfort him. “Don’t beat yourself up too harshly, we are seventy human years ahead of schedule after all.”

“Proposed analysis: incorrect. We’re behind schedule. We would have gotten here quicker if you hadn’t messed with the controls.”

“I’m sorry, Jasper. I was just... I wanted my dad back. I rushed us all, and that caused so many stupid mistakes that could have been avoided. I should of just listened to you, you’re the one who knows how to fly this ship.”

“You think?” Jasper shook her head. “Status: arrived at coordinates. Next line of action: land the ship.”

Jasper sat down in the pilots seat again, and began to manually manoeuvre the ship into the landing bay. She didn’t call out for the others to prepare, and didn’t wait, but they had learnt from the last time, and had taken seats as the ship began to move.

Jasper set up some screens so that they would be able to see what was going on outside the ship from all angles, and without having to strain their eyes. Their attention went to the two gems standing at the entrance.

“Woah- are those...”

“Look Runt, they’re what you’re meant to look like.”

Amethyst grumbled to herself. Pearl threw her hands in the air and made an exaggerated sigh. “What were we even thinking? We can’t just go here. We’re rebels.” Jasper cleared her throat. 

“Fine, we’re mostly rebels. I mean come on, I’m an ownerless Pearl,” Pearl gestured to Amethyst. “you don’t meet height restrictions,” she pointed to Garnet “you’re a fusion.”

Steven put his hand up. “What about me?”

“Uhh, you’re you...”

Steven crossed his arms and pouted. He was hoping for something better, although on second thought, Pearl was talking about what they would think was wrong with. “What about Jasper?”

“If you want to keep your form in one piece, I’d suggest, don’t.”

“They won’t suspect a thing, if we act the way they think we’re supposed to.” Garnet’s form lit up as she unfused, her light splitting into the two smaller gems. Steven’s eyes lit up as Ruby and Sapphire’s forms 

“Well, there goes the fusion issue. Still doesn’t fix everything else.”

Ruby smiled up at Jasper. “Saph has a plan, just, maybe keep your remarks to yourself until she finishes.”

“Okay, the plan is that I am here with my Ruby Guard, and my Pearl, to deliver another human for the Zoo.”

“Yeah! I'll be Esteban Universidad, that way they won’t know who I really am.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Steven, they already don’t know who you are.”

“If you don’t summon your shield, they won’t realised you’re Rose.”

Amethyst began to rub her elbow. “What about Jasper and I?”

“Amethyst, you can accompany us, and be my Amethyst Guard.”

“What? Like them? I’d have to shape shift... but, I’ve never seen another Amethyst, let alone spoke to one. I don’t know how to act around them.”

Jasper crossed her arms. “I know how to act around them.”

“Not helpful, Jasper. What if I say something wrong?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t be too concerned, Runt. You’ll fit fight in.” Amethyst began to raise her eyebrow at what almost seemed like a compliment from Jasper, before she continued. “You’re just as annoying as any other Quartz.” 

Amethyst groaned. “What can this asshole do?” She pointed her thumb at Jasper.

“Amethyst! Come on, you’ve been doing so well...”

“If Jasper gets to swear, I get to swear.”

Sapphire stepped in, to stop an argument Garnet had predicted from happening. “Jasper, as much as we would rather not leave you in here alone, it’s probably best if you stay...”

Jasper frowned in confusion for a second, thinking she was probably the most valuable to the mission being successful, but before she said anything, she remembered her corruption. 

Her realisation surprised her. ‘I guess being back in a ship made me feel like I was useful again, and I forgot about my mistakes... That’s not a luxury I deserve.’

“What? We can’t leave her here. What if she flies off without us?”

Jasper stepped forward, putting a hand on her chest, and softened her voice. “Me? I wouldn’t do such a thing. Cross my gem, hope to shatter.”

“We can not trust her.”

Jasper rolled her eyes, and dropped the act. Her next words were in the most grudging tone any of them had heard from her. “You have my word. I won’t do anything to sabotage the mission, and I am not going to leave without the mission completed.” She paused momentarily before crossing her arms, and lifting her head. “I’m not one to lie.”

Sapphire nodded her head at Jasper. “We can trust her.”

There was a pause before Pearl spoke, concern in her tone. “Is this going to work?”

“No.” Jasper laughed loudly as the others gasped at Sapphire’s response. 

“Uh, let’s try to change the future.” Her forced smile was just as amusing to Jasper as her saying the plan wasn’t going to be successful.

Jasper watched Amethyst nervously shape her form into one that she should of emerged with. She looked uncomfortable. Jasper noted that they all looked uncomfortable. One by one, they began to leave the ship, leaving Jasper alone.

She rolled her eyes as she heard Rose yell something about rock heads. ‘Most of them don’t even have their gems on their head.’

Jasper sat out of sight, and watched from a screen on the ship. She couldn’t hear what was happening, but one of the Amethysts moved close to them, and their reaction was fear. They were probably taunting them, Jasper knew first hand that a past time for Quartzes was to be dickheads, and these Quartzes wouldn’t have seen anyone new in a long time.

A couple minutes went by, and Jasper groaned to herself, loudly. ‘This is never going to work. Half of them have warped memories of Era one, and the other half doesn’t know anything about Era 1. Plus, Era 1 isn’t Era 2. They have no idea what they’re doing.’

The Agate that walked through the door was bound to notice how nervous they all looked. The Agate appeared to be a Holly Blue, and seemed to alternate between talking to Sapphire, and telling the Amethysts off.

Jasper was going to have to intervene.

She had already broken their rules today, why not do it again? She promised not to sabotage the mission, and that she wouldn’t leave before the mission is complete. But she didn’t specify if she meant leave the Ruby ship, or leave the Zoo ship.

“Your Clarity, I apologise for leaving the ship, however, I was hoping to assist your Amethyst.”

The Crystal Gems turned to face Jasper. Their expressions changed from a frightened worry, to concerned relief. What she planning?

Jasper had shape-shifted so that she was back in the uniform she wore when they first met her, including the cape she had worm showing she was a decorated soldier. The only change was that she was wearing gloves. The clothes were covering her corruption scars, and she had summoned her helmet to hide her horns.

“You- you’re that Jasper. What are you doing here? Did Yellow Diamond figure out you belong here with the other off-coloured Beta’s?”

Jasper stiffened her pose and saluted Holly Blue Agate. Jasper never told a lie, and she didn’t want to start lying. How could she word this in a way that doesn’t expose her, but is a sufficient explanation?

She let her arms drop and stood with her arms behind her back. “No, Holly Blue Agate. I had a mission on Earth, during that mission I came across these gems.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“My ship had been damaged during my mission, and these gems agreed to take me in the Roaming Eye. Their mission involved coming here, and since my mission didn’t involve this place, I offered to stay in the ship-”

“Then why did you leave?”

“Due to concerns that this Amethyst would get herself lost here.” Jasper shifted her tone. “I mean, all these Amethyst’s look the same to me, I wouldn’t be able to tell if another Amethyst was on board as we left.”

Holly Blue looked at Amethyst, who was already starting to sweat. “You appear to be correct, Jasper. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these Amethyst’s would try to take her place amongst Your Clarity,” she motioned towards Sapphire “as a pathetic attempt to feel useful.”

“Do I have your clearance, Holly Blue.”

“What exactly were you hoping to assist the Amethyst with?”

“Not getting lost.”

“While I’m sure she’s incompetent enough to get lost, I really don’t think she needs your aid.”

Jasper narrowed her eyes as the agate refused to budge. Agates were as stubborn as she was, or maybe she was just as stubborn as an Agate.

Sapphire took a step forward. “Please, Holly Blue... I see this Amethyst remaining at her post with this Jasper by her side.”

“Of course Your Clarity.” She touched her palms together, not ignoring the Quartzes since Sapphire had given her input. “I didn’t get the chance to ask for what occasion I am being blessed with your presence.”

“I have come to the zoo to bring a new human, for Blue Diamond’s collection.”

“My word, this day is becoming more and more unprecedented! Your Amethyst can take the human to the zoo, accompanied by this Jasper, that way we can-“

”Wait. Holly Blue, we’ve taken such measures to come to such a remote station, I would be pleased if you could take me on a tour of this facility. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Of course! I would be absolutely honoured. I will even hand deliver the human to the zoo in your presence, right this way your Clarity.” Amethyst and Jasper went to follow them, before the Agate put her hand up to stop them. “You two can remain here.”

Amethyst began to object, before Jasper put her hand around her arm as a warning. “Of course, Holly Blue. Pay no attention to this Amethyst.”

“Oh trust me, I won’t.”

The Crystal Gems exchanged worried looks as they were motioned out of the ships dock. That left Jasper and Amethyst alone with these two other Earth gems.

Jasper kept getting herself into situations that were less than desirable, and now she was even doing it on purpose. To help the Crystal Gems.

This is one of the only things she would be more than happy to say is a side effect of her partial disconnection.

Jasper watched as the two Amethyst guards eye’d off the runt. “Instead of starting at the other Amethyst, why don’t you two stand at your station, and continue to guard the door, while we go back to the RE.”

“Oh right, because you can give us orders.”

“Classic Jasper, always ready for a fight. Even now, with no threat, you’re wearing your helmet. Preparing for the worst case scenario.”

Jasper grabbed each of the Amethyst’s by the gems on their arms, and pushed them against the wall, pushing her helmet against the wall between their heads, brining her mouth to their ears.

“Your time in this sorry excuse of a ship seems to have clouded your memory. DON’T FUCK WITH ME. I won’t hesitate to destroy you, and something tells me the Agate here won’t give a shit.”

“Jeez, okay. We’re sorry.”

Jasper let go of their gems, and watched them rub them as she stood back to be next to the Runt, her body faced towards the two gems. She wasn’t looking at any of the three gems around her.

“We just don’t get much company here.”

“I don’t care.”

It was a few minutes, and a few awkward glances between the two, before one of the two gems tried to strike up another conversation with the Quartz they hadn’t seen in thousands of years. “Just glad to see you’re alive and well.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? And why would me being suffice to please you?”

The first gem sighed. “There’s just not many Earth gems left. You may have been separated, but we earth gems have to stick together.”

Jasper grunted and rolled her eyes. She glanced at the Runt, who looked like she was beginning to sweat under the strain of keeping her form the way it was, not just from the stress of the situation.

“What about you? You’re an Amethyst, but you don’t look familiar.”

Amethyst began to stutter. “I- uhh, I wasn’t made on Earth.”

“I don’t remember any Amethysts being made before Earth.”

“Yeah- I’m new.” Jasper raised her eyebrow. “I wasn’t around during the war.” Jasper knew the first thing the Runt had said was a lie, but she wondered if the second thing was.

Amethyst’s answer didn’t seem to satisfy the two guards. “You misunderstand, Amethysts can only be made on Ear-“

Jasper cut the Amethyst off. “Sister planets contain similar properties. Similar resources. There are many sister planets to Earth, not far from the planet. It’s not that hard to make the same type of gem on different planets.”

“Urg, you were much more fun when you first emerged.”

“We’ve met?”

The second gem elbowed the first. “Maybe she’d be more fun if Chip was stationed here today.”

“Do Amethysts not know how to shut the fuck up?”

Amethyst was too busy sweating while trying to keep her form, to pay attention to the argumentative conversation between the three gems around her. It didn’t take Jasper long to notice that she was struggling even more. 

It was easy for Jasper to keep her alterations up, she was just phasing on different clothing, and summoning her weapon. Amethyst was stretching her entire form, and being defective in the size of her form would add to her struggle.

She stepped in front of her, blocking the view of her face from the other Amethysts. “I’m done with this interaction. I’m returning with this Amethyst to the Roaming Eye. You two stay at your station. I’ll return shortly.”

Jasper went to walk to the small ship, expecting Amethyst to join her, but as she made eye contact, she realised the Runt was close to breaking her form and probably wouldn’t be able to walk and keep the form.

Jasper sighed, and grabbed Amethyst’s arm, before turning her around and throwing her over her shoulder. She walked back to the ship, struggling to duck through the doorway with Amethyst on her shoulder.

Once the door closed behind them, Jasper chucked Amethyst off her shoulder. She leant against the door as she hit the ground with a thud.

The Runt’s form quickly shrunk down to her natural size, as her strength gave way with a loud grunt. She fell to the ground, sweating, panting, looking as if she was going to throw up.

Jasper begrudgingly found herself taking pity on the small Quartz.

“Look, Runt. You stay in here out of sight, I’ll go back out there so they don’t get too suspicious. Watch the screen, you can shapeshift back if anyone-“

Before Jasper could tell Amethyst to shapeshift back if it looked like someone back coming back, the two Amethysts that were at the door came barreling in, with their helmets summoned.

‘Great. Now we’re really fucked.’


	9. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 2: Always back to Earth
> 
> Jasper is given an awfully painful reminder of her current situation.

Of course the Runt wouldn’t be able to keep this form for long enough. They were all worried Jasper would compromise the mission, as if their own defects wouldn’t fault their poorly thought out plans.

“Woah, what the fuck?” The two gems stopped inside the ship. They looked at Jasper, and down at Amethyst. They had been expecting to see the Amethyst on the ground, but they hadn’t been expecting her form to be smaller.

“You’re fucking tiny. Nice”

“What are you doing here? Get back to your station...” Jasper looked down at Amethyst, who was still laying on the floor. She looked scared, and exhausted. “The Agate doesn’t need to know about this defect.”

“Woah, hey now. Don’t call her that.”

“You’re seriously defending the Runt? Why?”

“We’re from Earth, we don’t care if gems didn’t come out ‘perfectly’. Not all of us can be you.”

“Whatever, just go back to your station.”

“Nah.”

Jasper’s eyes widened, as she gritted her teeth. “What do you mean ‘nah’?”

“Oh, you see, you don’t want Holly to know about this Amethyst altering her form. Which means we have some power over you.”

The second Amethyst learnt over to the on who was talking, and began to whisper. “What are you doing, she’ll fucking dissipate us.”

She whispered back “Shut up.” before she made helmet go away, and looked back up at Jasper. “We won’t tell Holly Blue, if you come back to the Cubby.”

Jasper groaned. These gems were blackmailing her- and it’s not like she could do much about it without getting herself caught. She had also promised not to jeopardise the mission.

“There’s a couple gems who wouldn’t mind seeing you again, and there’s one gem who wouldn’t mind meeting this Amethyst.”

Jasper was getting increasingly impatient with these gems. “We are not going to the Cubby, you are to return to your station, and we are to remain here.”

The second Amethyst also dissipated her helmet, and put her hands up. “Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to tell Holly Blue about this Amethyst lying about her form, and how that could mean the whole entourage she came with is compromised, and that-“

“Fine, I’ll comply.” Jasper sighed, and pushed past the two Amethyst’s to step out of the ship. “Hurry up, Runt.”

Amethyst groaned as she tried to push herself off of the ground. “Dude, I don’t think I can move. Give me like, 5 minutes.”

The two guards laughed. “Here, let me help.” She leant down and picked Amethyst up. She quickly tossed her onto her shoulders. “How’s this?”

“Woah, I’m like. Taller than Jasper.” The three Amethysts laughed, while Jasper rolled her eyes.

“Let’s just go.” Jasper ducked to get out of the ship. They all needed to duck to get out, but the gem holding Amethyst didn’t duck far enough. Jasper chuckled to herself as the Runt groaned in pain.

As they were led to the Cubby Room, Jasper made the point to re-ask a question. “Why did you two leave your post?”

The gem with Amethyst on her shoulders chuckled. “We heard the Amethyst, and assumed you’d taken her back into the ship to beat the shit out of her, or something.”

“Yeah, so we came to stop you.”

Jasper snorted. ‘Stop me? I could easy take both of them” She raised an eyebrow. “You thought you could stop me?”

“Look, we didn’t think it through. Being stuck here with an Agate that doesn’t have to report to anyone- we get sick of seeing gems being hurt for little to no reason.”

Jasper just hummed. ‘I don’t see why they wouldn’t just gang up on the Agate, there’s so many of them, and no one comes here. There is little to no communication with this base. They could easily overpower her. Fuck, I could probably take this Agate on and- what in the actual fuck? What am I even thinking?’ It was easy to get sick of Agates, but you had to repose the their Authority, otherwise you’d get severely punished.

“I wouldn’t hurt a gem for no reason.”

“Yeah, but you don’t need much of a reason.” Jasper shrugged, she had a point. While she wouldn’t badly hurt a gem for no reason, she would happily use something small like ‘they were annoying me’ as a reason to fight them.

It took a few minutes to get to the Cubby Room. Amethyst had began to feel a lot better by the time they had gotten there, but she hadn’t said anything because she liked being carried.

The doors hadn’t finished opening when the Amethysts began to yell out to the other Quartzes. “Yo, Carnelian! Look what we found!” 

Jasper grunted. ‘Great, I had forgotten there was more than one runt that survived.’

The look on Amethyst’s face when she saw that there was another gem that had come out like she had, was a mixture of shock and happiness. The Carnelian screamed when she saw Amethyst. “Holy shit, you’re like. My height.” Amethyst was gently put on the ground, and Carnelian ran up to her. “Holy shit! I’m taller than you!” They both began to laugh. They were both just happy that they weren’t the only one.

“Look what else we found.” The gems stopped laughing at Carnelian and Amethyst, as they saw Jasper.

“Well, fuck me, if it isn’t The Jasper. What brings you back to this shit hole?”

Before Jasper had time to decide not to reply, the Amethyst started yelling again.  
“Where is everyone? I would have thought more of us would be here.”

A ‘normal’ sized Carnelian jumped down from her Cubby. “Holly came in yelling at us for being in our Cubbies when Blue Diamond came back. We all ran out to go to our stations, but some of us came back.”

Jasper frowned. “There is a Diamond here, and you have to audacity to leave your station?”

Carnelian shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like she can fit here.”

“You’re all going to get yourselves shattered for insubordination.”

Jasper looked over at a familiar Jasper, who was leaning against the cubbies. “Eh, Holly hasn’t shattered any of us yet.”

“Skinny? I’m surprised you’re still around.”

Skinny gave a smug smile. “I try my best.” She quickly clicked her fingers. “Actually, speaking of trying my best. I have contact with a couple homeworld gems, that I used to spend time with on Earth. If you know what I mean.” She winked at Jasper, who rolled her eyes.

“I don’t care.” Skinny would have been put off by Jasper’s abruptness, if she didn’t remember how Jasper had been towards the end of the war.

“You didn’t come back from your mission when you were meant to. You’re MIA, and rumour has it, assumed shattered. Due to some complications with the other gems you were with, along with no contact from the gems that were sent to retrieve you.”

Jasper groaned. Skinny didn’t even say hello, and she was already jumping into spreading gossip. “Well I’m clearly not. So why bother tell me?”

“I heard Sunset was assigned to someone else, a Hessonite,” Skinny chuckled “that way she didn’t have to change her form.”

Jasper took longer to respond. “Again, why are you telling me this?”

“I thought you would want to know? I mean, she was assigned to a gem much higher status than us-“

“We do not hold the same status.” Jasper didn’t hold any status anymore.

Skinny sighed. “I guess not... you always were better than us, weren’t you?” Jasper didn’t answer, so Skinny stepped forward and stood so their eyes met. “Come on Jasper, you and I both know you’re just as bad as we are. Sure you’re ‘perfect’, but you’re from the same shitty planet we all came from, and the same defective kindergarten. You’re not that much better than any of us.”

In the past, Jasper would burst into anger and try to dissipate this gem, or at least try to make her feel so bad about herself that she backed off. 

But now, even though these gems couldn’t see it, her form was scarred with corruption. While she never would have defended herself against being told she was bad, she could no longer live under the illusion that she was better than anyone. Now she was worse than everyone.

“Is this supposed to make me like you?”

“No. I’m just wanting to-“

Jasper was almost relieved when the Runt cut off their conversation. “Yo! Apparently Steven found Greg, and a couple gems caught them running out of some room that had a Diamond in it? Anyways, they’re taking them here, and I have the best fucking idea.”

Jasper watched as the Amethyst began to talk to the other Earth Quartzes about the human and Rose coming back. The Quartzes began to scramble around the room, some jumping into their cubbies, others spreading around the room.

Three Quartzes from Amethyst’s facet were coached down, and holding onto her. They seemed to be pretending to restrain her, one was even covering her mouth. 

“Yo Jasper, you gonna join in?” Jasper grunted. She was on a mission, while she wasn’t happy about what the mission was, she wasn’t going to fuck around a play games.

All the Quartzes, other than Jasper, began to laugh as the room’s doors opened. There stood an Amethyst with a gem on her face, holding onto Greg and Steven.

“We found these running out of the Rose Room.”

“Amethyst!” Steven panicked, seeing his friend being captured by these Homeworld Gems. “We got out of the Zoo without them noticing, and we saw Yellow and Blue Diamond too. They’re both here!”

“Yeah, the Diamonds didn’t see you, but Holly did. Ordered us to take them back to the Zoo before anyone noticed, but we thought we’d take them here instead. We don’t get to have fun with the humans often, and the gems who are trying to calm down the mess you made won’t be happy.”

“Who wants to mess with these humans for them?” The gems were laughing. Greg and Steven were scared for what was to come, not realising that what was happening at that moment was them being messed with.

“Let go of us! Let Amethyst go!”

“Let’s see what this ‘Amethyst’ has to say.”

The gem covering Amethyst’s mouth moved her hand. “Steven! Greg! I couldn’t hold my form, they saw me. I still can’t believe what they did, Steven, they’re... they’re... they’re so much fun!”

“Excuse me?” Jasper watched the Quartzes laugh, the tone changing from a mean in laugh to a genuine one. 

They were just messing with them, and it was all the Runt’s idea. Jasper couldn’t understand why Rose and the other human didn’t seem mad at the Runt.

Jasper gritted her teeth, as the Runt was introducing the Quartzes to Rose, and the human, as if she had known them for years. Jasper didn’t know why that bugged her. She cut in when Carnelian picked Amethyst up.

“Cut it out.” Jasper grabbed Amethyst by the leg, hanging her upside down. She lifted her arm up, so they were face to face. “We need to return to the ship, for this mission to be successful.”

One of the Amethyst’s gently elbowed Jasper’s side. “Awe , come on. This is the type of shit I thought you would enjoy. You didn’t even join in. You used to be a lot more fun.”

“Jasper? This Jasper? Used to be fun?” Jasper rolled her eyes at the Runt, before she dropped her.

Carnelian laughed. “Oh yeah! When she first emerged she was just like any of us. I mean, she wasn’t exactly like all of us. She was an angry bitch back then too, but she was also a giant goofball. Cracking jokes, whenever she wasn’t cracking gems. Her laugh was so loud, I’m surprised it didn’t crack her gem.”

Jasper shrugged. “It was better when I was cracking both at the same time.” Jasper smiled, as the other Quartzes laughed. It had been so long since she had seen these gems, she had forgotten what she used to be like.

“Woah, Jasper. You didn’t tell me you used to be tolerable. What happened?” Jasper grunted. One of the other Earth gems answered Amethyst’s question.

“As the years went by, she became more and more... shut off. We think it’s either because she was messed up over the war, or because Agates got inside her head and told her she had to be better than everyone else.”

One of the Amethyst’s interrupted. “Or both. Didn’t help when she was promoted, and the only one of us chosen to be part of Yellow Diamond’s court. It all just got so much worse for you, didn’t it?”

“The fuck are you going on about?” Jasper had never thought about how she had changed. She had always been abrupt, and short tempered, but as the war stretched out, she had stopped enjoying herself in a social setting.

“The pressure.”

“What pressure? I complete my missions just fine, and when I don’t, it’s not my fault.”

“To prove to everyone around you constantly that you’re better than the average Quartz, in the hopes they’d forget, even for a second, that you’re from Earth. I mean, just look at you. Your eyes... they’re so tired. You look like you haven’t laughed in years, I remember when you used to look happy.”

Jasper found herself zoning out of the conversation. The realisation of how much she had isolated herself from these gems hit her like the weight of the ocean. She had always blamed their stationing as to why she had nothing to do with these gems, and had told herself she didn’t want anything to do with them because she was better than them.

But that wasn’t true. While she never had the type of bond with them that they have with each other, she had chosen to distance herself from them. To prove she was better. She didn’t want to admit that she desperately craved the bond Quartzes had.

She thought she hated the Quartzes she shared a cubby with on Homeworld, because she hated Quartzes. But she didn’t. She just hated how Quartzes that weren’t from Earth, made her feel inferior.

It was partially her fault she was so alone.

Jasper zoned back into the conversation, when she heard her name again. “Yooo, remember when Jasper and Chip used to throw these massive rocks at each other.”

“Yeah! Between missions, instead of resting in the cubbies. Called it ‘trainng’. I remember when they were caught by an Agate. She was so mad she summoned her whip without even realising.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that. You two got beat so fucking hard.” Despite the punishment, that was a fond memory of Jasper’s- she hadn’t thought about that in years.

“Jasper! I never got to ask, was it true that you emerged with your helmet summoned, and took down-“

Jasper had heard this a thousand times. It was the first tale of many, that separated her from the ‘common’ Quartz. That separated her from her fellow kindergarten gems. She was so sick of hearing her own story being told to her.

“CAN YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP? Just stop fucking talking. I don’t want to hear this shit.” She slammed her fit against the outer wall of the cubby station. “All Quartzes do is fucking gossip, and I’m so fucking sick of it.”

Jasper kept screaming at the gems, but she couldn’t hear what she was saying. She couldn’t hear her own thoughts. She hit the wall so hard, that her left hand got stuck. That frustrated her even more.

When she pulled it out, she realised the glove she had phased wasn’t there anymore. None of what she had phased on was still there. She was back in the uniform she had reformed with.

She suddenly realised that she felt ashamed to not be wearing the Diamond insignia on her chest anymore. 

The panic of her scars not being covered, made her step back, and she fell to the ground. When she looked up at the gems staring around her, the shame in what she had just done, and how she looked, made helmet dissipate away.

They could see her new uniform, her scars, her horns. They could see the mess she had made of herself.

Everyone was silent. They were staring at her with blank expressions. The only thing she could hear was her own fast paced breathing. It wasn’t until Steven began to step forward to try and comfort her, that she snapped out of her panic.

She pushed away Steven’s hand before he could touch her shoulder. She stood up and crossed her arms. She felt terrified of what would happen next, but she didn’t want them to see that. She had already shown her weakness, she wasn’t going to show more. “The fuck are you looking at.”

“Wh-what happened to you? That’s... that is not shape shifting. Is it?”

“No.” Jasper growled through gritted teeth. She already knew that since she was healed of her corruption, when she got mad enough her fingernails turned to claws. It seemed that her teeth did something similar.

“We call it corruption. It happened to Jasper, she-“

Jasper was not about to let a Crystal Gem talk about the ins and outs of one of her lowest points. “The Diamond’s didn’t obliterate the gems on Earth, like planned. The attack caused the gems on Earth to completely lose the connection to their gems. They lost control of their physical forms, too.”

Steven looked up at the gems around him. “Only a few gems survived. When we’re on Earth, we spend out time finding the Corrupted Gems, and keeping them safe in bubbles. We can’t heal them- Well, I healed Jasper, but she was corrupted differently...”

Before any of them could ask, Jasper cut in again. “I am in control again.” Barely. “Don’t bother asking abOut it. There is no need to talk about it anymore. Let’s just get of this crummy ship.”

“Wait. We need to find our friends. Gar- We came here with Pearl, Ruby, and Sapphire, and we really need to find them so tha-“

“Oh yeah, we saw them just before. They’ll probably be back soon.”

After a few minutes, Steven quietly walked over to Jasper. “Hey, are you alright?”

Jasper didn’t say anything. She just looked up and closed her eyes. She only opened them again when she heard the human speak.

Even before it was flat out said that Jasper had been corrupted, Greg had guessed that this was the Jasper that Steven had told him about. He began to think it when she began to have a meltdown, but everything after that confirmed it.

“Hey, Stu-ball. So this is Jasper?” Steven nodded.

Jasper looked down at Rose. “You talked to a human about me?”

Steven laughed awkwardly. “Haha, yeahh. I was just saying how we healed you...”

Greg cut Steven off, while it wasn’t something he was proud of, he knew was okay at lying. “I come to the house sometimes, he just wanted me to know there would be another gem there.”

Jasper was ready to tell them to not gossip about her, when the doors of the Cubby Room unexpectedly opened. They saw Holly Blue Agate, standing with Pearl, Ruby, and Sapphire.

Jasper quickly backed up against a wall. The Agate began to scream abuse at the Quartzes, shaming them for being in the cubby, shaming them for being from Earth. She called them off-coloured, defective, disgraceful.

She suddenly paused in her tracks as she saw Jasper. She looked absolutely disgusted. “What the fuck happened to you? You look hideous!”

Pearl, Ruby, and Sapphire had been looking at Amethyst, concerned that she was back to her normal size, scared that they would get caught because of it. But now they looked over at Jasper, to see her corruption scars were on display.

Before they could react, Jasper panicked and grabbed the Agate’s face. She made sure to use her left hand, so she was forced to touch her corruption scars. “Keep talking, and you’ll find out.”

Holly Blue was ready to start screaming profanities at Jasper, call her slurs, tell her she’s a disgrace for existing from that planet, for how she looked now. But Jasper grabbed her wrist. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Keeping you restrained.”

“Traitor!”

“I’m no traitor, I’m just not happy with how you’re treating my Earth counterparts. You’ve gone unchecked for too long.” Jasper moved her face closer to the Agate’s. “These gems that I’m with, they’re the traitors, and I honestly don’t care what they do to you.”

“What? What do you mean they’re traitors?” Jasper turned her body so that she was holding Holly’s face from behind. She forced Holly to watch as Ruby and Sapphire fused.

The gems around them gasped, as Garnet’s form took shape. She smiled as she phased on her visor. “Don’t even think about trying to summon your whip, Agate.”

Jasper let go of her wrist, and quickly moved it to her gem. Holly felt Jasper’s fingernails turn into claws, the points pushing into the back of her head around her gem. “You think you can get away with this? There’s two Diamonds here right now! I am going to report this. You’ll be shattered for this!”

“Oh what a smart idea Holly Blue.” Pearl stepped forward, a smug grin on her face. “Jasper, let go of her, let her walk to the Diamonds. Let her tell them directly to their faces about how she failed them, by letting us infiltrate this precious Zoo.” 

“I am sure they’ll be very appreciative.” Pearl tapped Holly Blue’s nose as Jasper spoke.

Jasper pulled her hand away from the Agate’s face. “Go ahead, Jasper’s letting go of you now. Go. Tell them.” Pearl kept the smug smile on her face, as she clapped twice. “That will be all.”

Holly Blue looked terrified, and ashamed.

Jasper placed her left hand around the back of Holy Blue’s neck, and ripped her gem away from her physical form. She had used her non-proffered hand, but she was easily strong enough to cause this gem to dissipate.

All the gems (and humans) around them looked at Jasper in shock. Not even Garnet had seen her doing that. Jasper just shrugged.

“What? If I’m going to labeled as a fucking traitor, I might as well take advantage of the opportunity to fuck up an Agate.”

Jasper leant against the wall with her arms crossed, looking down at the Agate’s gem in her scarred hand. She was just waiting for it to be over, so they could hurry up and get back onto the ship.

Jasper bubbled the gem in front of her. She rarely bubbled gems, it felt weird. She flicked the bubble towards an Amethyst, who almost dropped it. “Unbubble her after we leave. If the Diamonds want her back, just say she dissipated her form at being so honoured to be in their presences.”

The Amethyst looked at the bubbled gem. “We’re in so much shit if anyone finds out about any of this.”

Jasper shrugged. “I doubt she’ll tell. It would force her to admit she fucked up. I also doubt you’ll get any visitors for some time, so I don’t care how long you wait to unbubble her.”

“We’ll probably unbubble her after everyone leaves. Can’t wait to see the look on her face when she reforms.”

Two more Amethysts walked into the Cubby room. Steven recognised them as the two who had tossed him into the Zoo. The redder Amethyst, with a gem on her shoudler, saw the bubbled gem of her Agate, and bellowed with laughter. 

“Which one of you Jasper’s fucking bubbled Holly? I’d like to give my thanks, and pay my respects to their soon-to-be shards.” A few of the gems pointed towards Jasper, who was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. She was looking directly at the Amethyst, who looked like she was about to scream.

“What the fuck? Why in the universe are you here of all places -I’m just gonna assume it’s because of whatever the fuck is going on with your form- but why did they have to banish you here? I thought we had things bad enough, and now you’re here too?”

The Crystal gems were sure Jasper was about to try and dissipate this gem, just as she had just dissipated the Agate. But Jasper laughed. “To think I believed you would be happy to see me. You’re not still holding a grudge, are you, Chip?”

“I thought you didn’t lie.”

Jasper punched Chip on her gemless arm, so hard that she fell onto her back. “It’s not a lie, if its a joke.” 

Pearl was ready to yell at Jasper, before Chip began to laugh. “I’m surprised you remember what a joke is.”

“Oh, I had completely forgotten what a joke was... until you showed up.” Jasper reached out her hand to the Amethyst she had just knocked onto the ground. “Thanks for the reminder.” 

The other Quartzes began to join in with Chip’s laughter, as she grabbed Jasper’s hand. Jasper yanked her up so hard, that Chip almost fell over again. “You look fucking terrible.”

Jasper laughed. “At least I didn’t always look like this- you’ve looked terrible your whole existence.”

“You fucking got me there.”

The Crystal Gems were confused. This behaviour wasn’t like anything they had seen from Jasper. “Wait? What is going on?”

Chip looked down at Steven. “Didn’t I put you in the Zoo?” Garnet stood in front of Steven, so that the Amethyst couldn’t try to take him again. “A fusion? The fuck? I must have missed some crazy shit.”

“Uhhh, speaking of missing stuff, I miss home.” Greg smiled down at Steven.

“I agree. I wouldn’t mind going home. This has to be like, my third craziest weekend. I miss the quiet comfort of my van.” 

Some of the Earth Quartzes offered to walk Jasper, and the Crystal Gems, back to the Roaming Eye. Chip Amethyst, and Skinny Jasper walked closer to Jasper, as the others were talking with the Crystal Gems. They were asking about Earth, about how they survived, and about how they didn’t expect traitors to be so much fun.

Skinny made another attempt to start conversation with Jasper. “Sooooo, are you a Crystal Gem now?”

Jasper felt offended. “FUCK no.”

“I’m not gonna tell Holly if you are.”

“I am not, and never will be a Crystal Gem.”

Skinny raised an eyebrow. “Then why aren’t you trying to kill them? Why are you working with them?”

“I can no longer serve my intended purpose to the Authority, with my form like this... With our Diamond gone... I might as well live on Earth, until the Cluster shatters me.”

“Yikes.” Skinny had forgotten how dramatic Jasper could be.

Chip jumped onto Skinny’s back as they walked, almost knocking her over. “Why don’t you just stay here with us?”

“They’re less likely to interfere with Homeworld, if I’m on Earth distracting them.”

“I really don’t think they want anything to do with Homeworld. They’re only here for the human I threw into the Zoo, and that other human. If you’re worried about getting caught, no one ever shows up here.”

“You currently have two Diamonds here.”

“Okay- other than today, we haven’t had anyone show up since we were stationed here.”

Jasper sighed, impatiently. “What am I supposed to do? Stay in the cubbies every time someone shows up? I’m not spending the rest of my life in hiding.”

“Isn’t that what you’d be doing on Earth?” Jasper didn’t respond. You’d be safe here.”

“I deserve to be on Earth, not here.”

“But- you hate Earth?” Jasper didn’t respond. Chip got off of Skinny’s back, and walked to the other side of Jasper. “We miss you Jasper. The old you, the REAL you.”

“I am the real me.”

Chip gently punched Jasper’s shoulder, where a scar was. “Hey, we don’t care if you’ve got this corruption thing. We’re not gonna ridicule you, if you stay. Besides, those horns are makin’ you look kinda cute.”

“I swear to the Diamonds, I will fucking obliterate you.” Jasper sounded pissed off, but she had an embarrassed smile on her face.

“Stay, and you can.”

Jasper sighed, and pinched at the top of her gem. “Look, I... appreciate... this, I do. But I’m not staying.”

They sighed and gave up. Jasper must be serious, if she actually verbally said she appreciated something. “Fine. If you’re gonna go, promise us something.”

“I don’t have to promise anyone anything.” As the door opened to the station’s docking bay, where the Roaming Eye was parked, Garnet put her hand on Jasper’s shoulder. 

‘What’s with the Crystal Gems and putting their hand on someone’s shoulder, or head?’

Jasper hadn’t realised that everyone was listening to her conversation. As Jasper began to walk onto the ship, the Quartzes began to shout out a mix of things they wanted Jasper to do, and their goodbyes.

“Have some fun for once.”  
“Yeah, stop being a pebble.”  
“Byeeeee.”  
“Come back any time.”  
“Say Hi to Earth for me.”  
“Yooo, say hi to our kindergartens.”  
“Have fuuunnnnn.”  
“Find a way to contact us, so you can come back and rip Holly’s gem out for us.”  
“Enjoy Earth for us!”  
“Don’t do anything stupid.”  
“See ya later, 8XM”  
“You gotta say bye to Jasper too!”  
“Bye facet 9! Wait-does anyone remember what cut Jasper is?”  
“Look after yourself you big dunderhead.”  
“Just remember, you’ll always be one of us!”  
“Yeah! Whether you like it or not.”  
“Bye! We promise not to tell anyone what happened!”  
“Earth Quartzes stick together!”

Jasper gave a small smile, but stayed silent as she ducked her head to get into the ship. It was touching that while Jasper behaved the way she did, these gems still felt like she was one of them, and were looking out for her.

Jasper shook her head. ‘No, I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve them... I... If I don’t think I deserve it, isn’t that what I deserve as punishment? That doesn’t make sense. I don’t make sense. What is happening?... I don’t know what I’m doing.’

Hearing the human speak, distracted Jasper. “Man, I sure am glad to be on this space ship”

“All of us are.” Jasper flinched at Garnet’s hand on her shoulder again. “Jasper, you can start the ship now.” Jasper looked down at the controls in front of her, she didn’t even remember sitting down.

She began to navigate the ship. “I assume Rose won’t fuck shit up with the controls this time?”

After her smartness comment, she only spoke to call out the updates, like she had when they had made their way to the Zoo ship. Garnet had offered to work some of the controls, but Jasper decided to just do it all herself.

While they were returning to Earth, the others properly had a chance to talk. The mission was complete, they’d been successful. They were safe. Jasper ignored their conversation. She had just been a part of her own reunion, she didn’t want part of theirs.

“Jasper? You parked us on the beach.”

Jasper opened the door of the ship and began to exit, not looking back at them as she spoke. “This is your home, is it not?”

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Jasper paid no attention to the human who came running down the stairs to the group exiting the ship behind behind her. Jasper didn’t answer, but Garnet had told Pearl that everything was fine. Jasper was just going back to the temple.

Instead of sitting next to the couch, she sat on the stairs. She watched the ocean out the window, taking occasional glances at the group on the beach. It looked like Rose’s human companion was giving them a report. They must like what she was saying. 

They all looked so happy to be back on Earth. When they were with each other, they were home.

‘It hadn’t even been that long since they were apart.’ She sighed to herself. She wanted to ridicule their behaviour, but she only found herself ridiculing her own. ‘I should have been better to the other Earth gems...’

Jasper felt a familiar dull pain creep into her gem. This was the first time in her life that she understood what the feeling actually meant.

She felt lonely.


	10. Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 2: Always back to Earth

Over the last few days, Jasper was given some time to think about what had happened. She was still very conflicted with her current situation with these gems. They’re the enemy, and yet she was finding it easier to comply with their conditions.

Seeing the other Earth Quartzes, reminded her of her loneliness, and how she craved gem interaction, but she could never want a friendship with these gems, right?

The Quartzes didn’t seem to care too much about her not trying to kill the Crystal Gems- they seemed to like them, maybe it was okay she liked them too?

‘No- they were traitors. I can’t let myself forget that Rose shattered My Diamond, and is now taunting me with this blasphemy to her form.’

But Jasper was finding it harder to remember that, as her partial disconnection scattered her thoughts- although she sometimes wondered of there ever was a point where her thoughts weren’t scattered.

She only had a clear mind when she was engaged in combat.

Jasper was sitting on the floor next to the couch, a blanket wrapped around her back while she was leaning it against the wall. One leg was bent on the floor, and the other had her elbow propped up on it while leaning against the couch.

Jasper watched as the others sat around the short table, putting material things called ‘cards’ on the table. Things had been pretty full on lately, and they wanted to do something relaxing.

They asked Jasper to join, but she said she would just watch. Since getting back from the eh Zoo ship, she had been talking to them more. Only when they spoke to her first, and while she thought it wasn’t much, they were glad she was seeming to be more comfortable with them.

Jasper sighed, louder than she had meant. But when wasn’t she loud? “Pearl?”

“Yes Jasper?” She didn’t move to look at Jasper, and she sounded impatient.

“About what you did- with the Agate...”

“Let me guess, I was disgraceful. A Pearl shouldn’t act like that, I have no business-“

“That’s not what I was going to say at all...” Pearl turned to face Jasper this time. Everyone was looking at Jasper. “You know what, just forget about it.”

“No, please tell me.”

“It was stupid.”

“What I did?”

“No! I mean, yes. But-“ Jasper groaned and put her face in her palm. “Everything is unnecessarily complicated here.” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Welcome to Earth.” Pearl put a hand on Jasper’s arm. “If you weren’t going to insult my actions, I’d like to know what you were going to say.”

Amethyst took a second to think, before she began to laugh. “Woah, Sis. Were you going to say something nice about Pearl? Not even I do that.”

“Wh- n- What I was going to say wasn’t nice, just an observation.”

“Well, was it a mean observation?”

“How should I know? You have different values than I do.” Jasper regretted saying anything, these gems were so persistent. She groaned in frustration. “I was just going to say you reminded me of my Pearl.”

“Wait, you have a Pearl? Oh man, is she as annoying as Pearl?”

“Amethyst!” Pearl began to get defensive, before she got confused. “Wait. But you’re a Quartz. A soldier doesn’t need a Pearl”

“I am a- I was, a highly decorated Quartz. After going back to Homeworld, when I wasn’t fighting in Yellow’s army, I was assigned other missions, like how I was an escort on my mission to Earth.”

“An escort doesn’t need a Pearl either.”

“No, but it got to the point where I has taking other peoples Pearl’s on missions, mainly for storage.” Pearl crossed her arms. “I ended up being assigned my own Pearl about two thousand years ago.”

Garnet shifted her visor as she placed a card down on the table in front of her. “I still don’t see why they would make you a Pearl.”

“They didn’t. She belonged to someone else first... before they were shattered.” Jasper sighed. “Thanks to you gems, things are a lot different in Era 2. The Pearl’s owner may have been defective, but the Pearl wasn’t. While she would have ordinarily been shattered along with her owner... resources are low. They couldn’t afford to shatter her, so they though they may as well use her as a resource for a lower ranked gem. I was lucky enough to be given that honour. I mean, it’s not like anyone ranked higher would settle for a second-hand Pearl.”

Pearl muttered to herself as she rolled her eyes. “Funny how you all disregard us, but it’s always an honour to own one.”

Jasper began to think. ‘A higher ranked gem wouldn’t accept a second hand Pearl, yet Skinny said she was assigned to a Hessonite. I wonder if she knew Sunset had two previous owners...’

Jasper was going to ask if she could participate in the next game, before Pearl began to speak again. “If what I did reminded you of your own Pearl... what was she like?”

“She was mostly just a bastard in private. She played her role just fine when others were around.”

Pearl looked surprised to hear there was another Pearl who acted outside of the way she was meant to, without being shattered. “I’m surprised you let her behave like that. You seem like the type of gem who would report that type of behaviour.”

“She was better company like that, than if she was just a mindless servant like she was meant to be.” Jasper shifted her position so that forearm was on the couch. She rested her head on her arm. “I also don’t report behaviour unless it’s traitorous, and of a threat to the Authority. A Pearl being a smartass and talking back to me isn’t worth another report, when she would still take orders and behave how she was expected to around others.”

“Isn’t doing something you’re not meant to, count as traitorous. Shouldn’t you report it?” Pearl seemed to be mocking Jasper in a way, but Jasper wasn’t fussed.

“No point in wasting the time of higher gems, when I can deal with them myself.” Jasper chuckled to herself. “Besides, I’ve been known to bend the rules a little if I think it’s going to get the job done, or a more important job done.”

Jasper thought back to how she abandoned the cluster mission, because bringing Rose back to Homeworld was more important. How she dared to fuse with a gem outside her own kind, because she thought they’d be able to take down the Crystal Gems. She did that twice. Now she’s sitting here watching these traitors play card games, convincing herself it’s so she can gather information for the Authority she has no way of contacting.

While she was certain what they were doing wouldn’t be useful for anything other than a past time, she was studying how they played. What strategies they used, who was more successful. Garnet seemed to be using her Sapphire’s abilities to win.

Pearl’s question snapped her out of her thoughts. “So, did you like her?”

“What? Sunset? Why?”

“Is Sunset the Pearl that was assigned to you?” Jasper nodded. “Well, you said I reminded you of her. I’d like to know if that’s a bad thing.”

“Yeah, she was alright... I preferred her company over the other Quartzes in my station.”

Jasper couldn’t read human numbers, but she figured out that the objective of this game was to obtain as many pairs of the same value card as possible. It seemed the colour and imagery didn’t matter, as long as it was of the same value. She didn’t understand where fish came into it- she had seen many fish as her time as Malachite, and none of the images on these cards involved fish.

“Now that you’ve spent some more time with us, what do you think of the Crystal Gems?” Jasper narrowed her eyes at Rose. What a stupid question. She was ready to tell Rose that, before Garnet interrupted.

“I’d rather know what conclusions she has drawn about us based on our behaviour since healing her, than what she thinks of us...” She shifted her visor. “I’m going to deal Jasper in for the next round.”

Jasper hummed. The gems would be more likely to let their guard down, if she wasn’t so stubborn about keeping everything she thought to herself. It seemed she really only talked about serious things while she was having a breakdown.

She waited until they finished that round of their game to give her thought out answer.

“The way you guys behave is even more unorthodox than I previously thought, and that definitely shows in the way you handle missions. I thought you guys were purely unorganised, but it seems that you are somehow prepared to be unorganised. You don’t seem to have structured plans, you use fusion, you try to use your words. That’s not something we’re programmed to do, and it’s not something we’re programmed to respond to. You seem to use that to your advantage... while I disagree with pretty much everything else, it’s something I have... noted.”

Jasper watched as Garent began to give everyone a small pile of cards each. “I must admit that I was less displeased with this, when I wasn’t on the receiving end.” Jasper counted six piles of cards, but there were only 5 here to play. “Why are there six piles?”

Garnet tilted her head towards Jasper, and simply smiled at her. Jasper frowned, and was about to complain about how that wasn’t an answer, before Rose’s human companion walked through the front door.

“Hey everyone. I’m here. What are we all up to?” It was lucky that Jasper wasn’t paying attention to Connie, because if she was, she would see that the human had Rose’s sword in the bag she put by the door.

Jasper was moving to sit at the end of the table when Connie walked in. She moved the blanket over her shoulders, so that she was still wrapped in the blanket, but could easily mover her arms without ripping the blanket.

Well, ripping the blanket even more. It already had a few tears in it.

“We’re playing cards.”

Connie pushed the sword into her bag and zipped it up, since they were playing cards instead of training. “Oh! Can I play?”

Garnet didn’t look away from Jasper. “I already dealt you some cards.”

Connie smiled as she sat on the ground, across the table from Jasper. Amethyst and Pearl were sitting on the couch, Rose and Garnet were sitting on the ground across from them. She felt like she was stuck between Rose and Pearl, but focused on the cards in front of her.

“Jasper can go first.”

“Shouldn’t we explain the game to Jasper first?”

Jasper looked down at her cards. She noticed that two of them had the same values, and placed them on the table in front of her. 

“Seem’s like she’s got the gist of it to me.”

Jasper looked at her other cards. She picked out out, and held it out in front of her. “I request this card.”

Connie clicked her finger. “Awe man. Here you go.” She passed the card over to Jasper, who held her hand out, palm up, so that the human could give her the card without her accidentally hurting her. “Are we playing the rules where you get another go if you get a card?”

Jasper placed the two matching cards down in the two different piles she had put in front of her. “I believe that’s what they’ve been doing.” Jasper picked up another card from her hand, and turned it around. “I request this one now.”

Everyone looked at each other and shook their heads. “Go fish.”

Jasper tried her best to gently grab a card of the top of the pile in the middle of the table, but knocked the pile over a little in the process. Jasper began to mutter to herself as she tried to neaten up the pile. “Stupid fish.”

Everyone was quick to start calling out what card they were asking for, and turning it around so that Jasper could see. By the end of the third game, Jasper had began to call out the numbers instead of turning it around, but still turned around the Kings, Queens, and Jacks. 

She was a fast learner when she wanted to be.

“Hey, Jasper?” Jasper looked up at the human. “I like your eyeliner.”

“My what?”

“The black lines over your eyes- on earth it’s called eyeliner. Do you apply it manually, or is it part of your body?”

Jasper didn’t respond. Amethyst began to groan. “Urg, I’m so bored of this. We’ve played like, a million games.”

Steven smiled at Amethyst as she complained. “Well, I’m gonna go get everyone some doughnuts! Do you wanna come with me?”

“If I come with you, can I chose my own?”

“Sure.”

“Sweet!” Amethyst rolled off of the couch, and hit the ground with a thud. She got up, un-phased. “Mine is gonna be so much better than everyone else’s.”

“Connie, do you want to come too?”

Before Connie could answer, Amethyst picked Steven up and lifted him over her head. “She’s fine here, lets go grab those doughnuts.” Amethyst shapeshifted her foot into a hand, and stretched her leg so she could open the door with it. She put Steven down outside, and continued to walk down the stairs with her foot as a hand. Steven giggled at her.

“Amethyst, come on! Put your foot back. You’re gonna-“ Before Steven could finish his warning, Amethyst’s ‘hand’ missed a step and she tripped to the bottom of the stairs.

She laughed as Steven ran down to help her up. “What were you saying?”

“You’re gonna fall.”

Amethyst’s foot had changed back to normal as she fell. They raced each other to the Big Donut. When they got to counter, neither Sadie nor Lars were there. Amethyst kept dinging the bell. After a few dings, Steven heard a voice yell out “Just a minute!”

“It’s just Amethyst and I! No need to rush!” Steven sighed as Amethyst stopped dinging the bell, and he leant against the counter. 

“Sooooo.”

Steven nervously laughed. “So?”

“How do you feel about Connie meeting Jasper again? Pretty sure the last time she saw her was on the beach when...”

“When you got poofed.”

Amethyst crossed her arms and looked away. “Yeah. Then.”

Steven hesitated. “I’m a little nervous about leaving Connie up there with her- that’s why I tried to ask her to come with us.”

“Eh, she’s with Garnet and Pearl. Plus she’s gotten pretty good with that sword.” Amethyst looked over at Steven, who still looked concerned. “Besides, with whatever sickness Jasper has, it seems to be making her less dangerous to be around.”

“I guess. She was actually pretty good when we went to the Zoo ship-“

“See! She made a promise, and she kept it. Everything will be fine. Well, as long as the Diamond’s don’t show up and tell her to kill us all, or whatever.”

Before Steven could respond, Sadie came into view. “Hey Steven, sorry for the wait...” Sadie switched from sounding upbeat, to sounding annoyed. “Lars fell asleep in the storeroom, and knocked over a bunch of boxes. What can I get you?”

Steven was distracted as Amethyst was choosing her doughnut. “Uh, can I just grab 10? Any flavour.”

“10? You must be hungry.”

“They’re not all for me silly. We have... a couple extra guests at home.” Steven looked at the doughnuts, and then back at Sadie. “Actually! Sadie, what do you think would be the perfect doughnut for someone to eat if they eve never had one before?”

“You have a guest who has never eaten a doughnut before?” Sadie raised her eyebrow.

“Yep!”

“Woah, well... a good starting one would probably be a cinnamon or glazed.”

Steven put a hand to his chin, humming loudly. “Could I grab one of each?”

“As part of your 10, or as extra.”

“Extra please.”

Steven waited for Amethyst to chose her doughnut before paying for them all. They cheerfully said goodbye to Sadie as they walked through the front door.

“At least home isn’t too far from the Big Donut.”

“Ya know, you said you got extras because we had extra people, but like. Pearl doesn’t eat, Garnet rarely eats, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Jasper says no. You probably didn’t have to get as many as you did.”

Steven paused for a second, and then slapped his palm against his forehand. “Why didn’t I think about that- oh well, its okay. It can just be breakfast.”

“Not if I have anything to do with it.” Amethyst grabbed the bag from Steven and began to ran to the temple.

“Amethyst, nooooooooo!” Steven chased Amethyst all the way back to the temple, although he had ran out of breath by the time he got there.

Amethyst laughed as she put the bag on the table. “Don’t worry, I was joking.”

Steven looked at the table and noticed that Jasper’s blanket was on the floor where she had been sitting, but Jasper, and Connie, were missing. “Uh, guys? Where did Connie and Jasper go?”

Pearl was putting the cards into separate piles, so that she could put them back into the box in order. “They’re in the bathroom.”

Steven panicked and ran to the bathroom, to see that something had been put over the sink. Connie was sitting on it as Jasper was squatting so their eyes were level, she had something in her hand. If Jasper wasn’t moving so slowly, Steven would be worried that she was trying to stab Connie in the eye.

“What are you two doing?”

Jasper suddenly pulled away from the human. She looked at Rose, looked back at the human, and finally looked at the tool in her hand. “Your human companion is educating me on the concept of material cosmetics, and in exchange for her information, I am applying this to her form.”

Steven was confused. “What?”

Connie smiled at Steven. “I noticed she wears magical eyeliner a lot. I’m teaching her about make up, so she’s putting real eyeliner on me.”

“Oh- that makes sense?” Steven was mostly confused. He remembered that Connie had commented on Jasper’s eyeliner, and guessed they had talked about it some more while he was down at the Big Donut. “I’ll, uh, be back in a second.”

Steven went around the corner to talk to Garnet, to find her with her arms crossed, standing right in front of him. He stopped in his tracks, and briefly looked back towards the bathroom he had just come out of. “Hey Garnet, is it sa-“

“They’re gonna be fine, Steven.”

“Oh. You used your future vision?”

“Yeah. They’ll be fine.”

Steven walked back into the bathroom, put the lid of the toilet down, and sat on it. He crossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees, so he could rest his head in his hands. He smiled up at Connie. “You can keep going if you want.”

Jasper shifted back to the squatting position she was in before Steven startled her. “I’m not physically touching her.”

Steven was confused. “Okay? I’m sorry if I inter-”

“I’m not going to try to break her.”

“I- I know?”

Connie gently patted Jasper’s shoulder. “Jasper- it’s okay. You don’t have to say that stuff. He knows Garnet wouldn’t allow this if you were going to hurt me.” Connie looked over to Steven. “She was just wanting to learn about Earth stuff.”

Jasper looked past the human, and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked at how her horns stood out on her head, and how her hair looked a lot messier than she thought it was. They didn’t have anything like mirrors on Homeworld.

She lifted the eyeliner pen back up to the human’s eye again, trying her hardest not to break the fragile wood, gently applying a line of the dark shade to her eye.

‘Huh. I just wanted to learn about Earth stuff.’


	11. Gone For A Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 2: Always back to Earth
> 
> In the days after Steven described a mystery gem, Jasper notes everyone’s behaviour is even weirder than usual.  
> After Steven’s return, Jasper gets some time alone, something she thought she would prefer.

Jasper didn’t join the others as they went down the beach for seemingly recreational purposes. She sat at the top of the stairs and watched Garnet and Pearl make some sort of structure with the sand.

They called over to Rose and the Runt to show them put organics on the sand. Jasper rolled her eyes.

Jasper paid little attention to Rose walking off. She was more interested in watching the small creature walk in front of her. She didn’t know what it was, but it small, and orange. It had black spots on the orange part.

She didn’t know Earth had such small organic life. She wondered if it was new, or if she had just never focused on that type of stuff enough in the past to notice.

When she moved her hand towards it, she watched the orange parts on it back lift up, and wings spout out from under it. It made her flinch. The small creature flew off.

When Rose got back, she seemed panicked and confused. She said she saw a gem. Jasper frowned.

“She was small. Her gem was under her left eye. She had wings too.” Jasper watched as they held up their drawings of their interpretation of Rose’s description. Rose seemed to asses each of the depictions, before deciding her human companion’s illustration was the most accurate.

Pearl got increasingly frustrated. “This is such a waste of time. She’s a homeworld gem. She’s here for us, and we should be preparing for a fight.”

“She’s looking for her dad, not us.”

“Gem’s don’t have parents, dude. We pop out of the ground.” Amethyst made a popping noise with her mouth, as she gestured with her hands. “You know that.”

“Well, if the Diamonds make you, aren’t the diamonds your parents?”

“Yes- No.” Pearl groaned. “Ahh- Let’s just focus on this gem.”

Garnet seemed to be staring at Jasper. She was silent until Jasper made eye contact- or at least, the closest thing to eye contact you could with someone who hides their face. “Jasper. You have more recent memories of Homeworld. Who do you think she is?”

Jasper grunted.

“Sounds like an aquamarine to me. In fact, I think I know exactly which one she is. Held in higher regard to the others. Unlike the rest of her kind, she’s a ruthless bastard- so much attitude from such a little gem. The rest of them are borderline soft while getting the job done, but she’s just a bitch... I am not getting involved with this.”

They wanted to object, saying that Jasper would be useful in a fight against the Homeworld gems, but they knew Jasper wouldn’t want to do that. Not with her scarred form, not when she had already made so many mistakes. Putting that aside, could she even be trusted?

Instead of listening to the other gems, Jasper decided to lay down. Her form felt drained again. It had only been a few rotations since she had slept- she hated how her gem wasn’t able to fuel her form on it’s own. She didn’t want to admit it, but needing this ‘sleep’ thing, was a good excuse to distance herself from these gems.

When she was asleep she didn’t have to listen to them, she didn’t have to feel like a prisoner, she’s even have to think. Unfortunately, sometimes her thoughts would manifest themselves into surreal imagery. Some she wished she could do without. Surprisingly, she found others were somewhat pleasant.

She was already half asleep by the time the other gems had left. She barely registered the order for her to stay there while they were gone. 

Steven returned to tell the gems that Jasper was right about the gem being an Aquamarine, and to tell them there was a Topaz fusion too. Steven was almost yelling as he told his family the Homeworld gems were abducting his friends.

Jasper half woke up as they were panicking, but just groaned and pulled the blanket over her head and fell back asleep. By the time she had fully woken up again, it was getting dark.

The Crystal Gems had returned, along with a bunch of humans. Jasper didn’t notice Steven wasn’t there. She groaned as she stood up and began to stretch her arms and back. She heard a couple of the humans gasp, as her sudden noise and movements startled them.

She grunted to herself- ‘Humans are so pathetic.’

It didn’t take long for her to feel physically irritated by the humans around her. She looked around the room, and the only gem she could see was Pearl. She decided to walk up to her.

“I’m going to walk across the sand, if your clarity would be ever so gracious as to let me.” She spit her words like acid, wanting to anger Pearl. She was a little disappointed when she was brushed off. They seemed to be too preoccupied with the humans to care. “Urgh, whatever.”

She had hoped to be alone as she walked along the edge of the ocean. She made sure to walk so that the water didn’t touch her, but close enough that she could feel the wet sand under her shoes.

She crossed her arms as she found Rose’s human companion sitting on a rock, looking at the sky above the ocean.

“Why aren’t you with Rose? Aren’t you her companion?”

“He- he didn’t want me to go...” Connie looked down at the sand in front of Jasper’s feet. “He said we would do everything together, and then he just left.” She wasn’t really talking to Jasper anymore.

Jasper rolled her eyes. She stood there and watched as the humans seemed to all go into some human vehicle. One of the humans began to walk over to them. She recognised them as the human Rose had gone to the Zoo ship for.

“Heyyy, uh, Jasper?” Jasper scowled at Greg, who put his hand behind his head and laughed nervously. “Connie, do you want a lift home? I’m taking everyone else back in the van, I’m sure there’s room for one more.”

“No thank you Mr. Universe. I can make my own way home.”

“Are you sure? It’s no trouble.” Greg looked concerned, he didn’t want to leave the young girl on the beach.

“I’m sure.”

Jasper turned out the rest of the conversation, and then watched the human walk back to the vehicle. She continued to watch until the van was out of sight. She uncrossed her arms and took a step to the left, ready to continue her walk across the beach, until she saw something that made her stop.

“What the fuck is that?” Connie sniffled, as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked down, but didn’t understand what Jasper was asking about. Jasper rolled her eyes, and pointed next to the rock. “That pink earthling- why is it here?”

“Lion? He’s keeping me company.” Jasper frowned at the human who looked up at her with confusion. “I- you’ve met Lion before, right?”

Jasper narrowed her eyes. “I’ve never seen a pink earthling before.”

“W-well, this is Lion. Lions aren’t usually pink, but he’s special.”

Jasper snorted. “She’s from Earth, how special could she be?”

There was a moment of silence. “Aren’t you from Earth?”

That question pissed Jasper off. She wanted to yell at this human to keep her puny thoughts to herself, but she couldn’t find the energy to. She had not long woken up from interrupted sleep.

Instead she walked off. She continued to walk along the beach, like she had wanted to in the first place. She hadn’t walked very far when she heard a loud noise, followed by a couple noises she didnt know how to describe. When she turned around the human, and pink earthling, had vanished.

“What the actual fuck?” She was sure the noises, and the earthlings disappearances were connected, but she couldn’t figure out how.

Jasper could see in the dark just fine, so she wasn’t bothered that it was dark, even when the clouds covered the moon. She found herself wanting to return to the base for warmth- she obviously didn’t need to be warm to survive, but she did have preferences.

When Jasper walked through the door to the beach house, she saw the Crystal gems at the temple door. Garnet put her hands out, gems up, and the door opened. If they heard Jasper, they made no effort to acknowledge her. Jasper watched as the temple door closed itself behind them.

“Yeah, okay. Whatever.” Jasper was annoyed by everyone’s behaviour today. It was even more illogical than usual. 

She sat on the stairs with her head in her hands. The moonlight shone on her face when the clouds weren’t covering it. She closed her eyes in response to the dull glare.

‘Earth is so stupid. Why did I have to be made here- NO I can’t think like that. Thinking like that is questioning My Diamond’s decisions, I would never question her...’

Her thoughts drifted from the gem who put her on earth to the gems who were put there with her.

‘I wish I could have stayed on the Zoo ship... those gems, they’re all I have... the Runt is still here... I could- no. The Runt is a Crystal gem, I can’t- she’s wrong. She is defective... but so am I.”

Jasper heard one of the noises she had heard on the beach, followed by a thud and a dragging noise. When she opened her eyes, the pink earthling was staring at her from across the room.

Jasper grunted and stood up from the stairs- she wanted to sit next to the couch with her blanket again. She felt more comfortable touching it when the gems weren’t around- she didn’t want them to know how much comfort it brought her. 

It made her feel strong, like she was wearing the cloak she had worn when she first came to the beach. She was so confident- yet she wasn’t good enough then, she never was. Not for long.

She groaned and shook her head as she walked over to the couch. She sat down and closed her eyes, but soon felt breath on her face. She opened her eyes to see the pink earthling directly in front of her. “The fuck? Leave me alone, I don’t need some organic following me around.”

She pushed her hand out below lions neck to push him back. She didn’t push him at all, in the moment she had gotten distracted by this mane. It was a lot softer than she had expected. She rested her hand there for a few moments, not thinking about anything other than how the texture under her hand felt.

Lion sat down, the movement bringing Jasper back, making her realise what she was doing. She frowned and turned so her back was resting on the side of the couch. She crossed her arms and curled her legs up. She shifted her weight so that she could rest her head on the wall. 

She sighed loudly as she looked down at the blanket she had put over her legs. Usually she would have it covering her shoulders, even having it over her head when the Crystal gems weren’t around, but in that moment she didn’t want that. She wasn’t sure why.

Lion stood back up. Jasper watched out the corner of her eye as he took a couple steps forward and sat down again, closer to her. He pushed his head forward, and rested his nose on the corruption scar on Jasper’s shoulder.

Jasper groaned quietly, but made no attempt to move away. “Urg, you’re one of them, aren’t you? What, did they send some pink earthling to watch me, while they’re busy with their- whatever they’re doing in there?”

The pink earthling said nothing- Jasper wasn’t sure if it was just stubborn, or not capable of speech. It pissed her off either way.

Jasper watched Lion move his head and rest it on her knees. “What are you doing? Get off me!” Jasper didn’t move as she snapped her words. She could no longer tell if she was annoyed at this creature, or curious.

Lion moved closer to Jasper again, curling his legs under him as he rested his head on Jasper’s hands. She pulled her hands up, and his head dropped onto her lap.

“What are you doing?” She repeated her question with a whisper. The creature didn’t made any noise in response.

Jasper looked over at the temple door. If the gems returned, she could just say that it wouldn’t leave her alone- that wasn’t a lie.

She sighed. She didn’t particularly want earthlings near her, but this pink one didn’t seem like a threat, and it was soft.

She put her hands back down, resting one on Lions forehead, and the other on the part of his mane covering the back of his neck. This hair was very soft, almost as soft as Jasper’s own hair. Jasper began to slowly stroke Lion’s mane.

She didn’t say anything in protest, as the pink earthling moved so that his head nuzzled into the nook of her elbow. She rested her head on the wall again. The earthling seemed to fall asleep. 

Jasper wasn’t thinking about anything as she continued to run her fingers though Lion’s mane. The hand resting on his forehead barely moved, she was only rubbing her fingers back and forth over where his fur and mane met.

She didn’t realise it, but she felt calm as she sat there. Her body was completely relaxed, and her usual thoughts weren’t tugging at her gem. She was focusing purely on the sensation of Lion’s fur underneath her fingertips. 

Allowing herself to be entirely distracted by this animal was something she would beat herself up for later, but in that moment she wasn’t concerned. She didn’t notice that she was smiling as the creature twitched in its sleep.

Jasper spent the better part of the last few days falling asleep with Lion, or walking around the beach. The others seemed to be really upset about something, but she didn’t care to listen. She enjoyed being able to take walks when she wanted- although they began to feel meaningless and a waste of time. She felt that way about this planet as a whole anyways, not just the tasks on it.

Jasper groaned in her sleep as there was a noise and a flash of light, both coming from lions mane. She woke up fully when she felt Lion move from underneath her. 

Jasper sat up and watched as Lion walked towards Rose and started to rub against her. Jasper rubbed her eyes as she began to wake up fully- she hated when her sleep was interrupted, but for some reason she didn’t get angry at the pink earthling when it woke her up.

It had been 10 minutes and those Crystal Gems, and the two humans Rose seemed to favour were still crying.

“Steven is back! Jasper, he’s back!”

“What? She left?” Jasper slowly blinked, feeling a yawn rise up.

Pearl looked at Jasper with a stunned expression, her mouth wide open. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT?!”

“I didn’t notice.” Jasper scratched her shoulder and looked out the window. It was dark. “Isn’t she meant to be asleep? It’s kind of late to be coming back from a walk.”

“Jasper! You’re joking right?”

Jasper just raised an eyebrow. These gems should know by now that joking with them isn’t something she does often- and when she does, its usually just a snide remark for her own entitlement.

“Jasper. Steven has been gone for days.”

“What? Is that a long time for her to be on her own?”

“He was abducted by Aquamarine!”

Jasper just shrugged. “It’s not like I keep track of her. On her own, and in this form, she’s barely a threat. I just don’t pay as much attention to her? It’s not that hard to understand.”

Jasper didn’t want to be here for this tear filled reunion. Just like she didn’t want to be there for the last one either. ‘Do they cry every time they’re separated?’

She stopped paying attention, and after some time, sat down next to the couch and leant the upper half of her body against it. ‘I wonder where that pink earthling is- she’s remarkably comfortable to lay on... Rose’s human companion isn’t here either. That’s odd... I swear she was just here.”

She didn’t sleep, however she did drain out the noise the others in the room were making. It was dark. Sometimes she didn’t mind the dark, other times it reminded her of her experience as Malachite. Dark and cold.

Under her blanket, it was dark and warm. She felt fine, if anything only mildly annoyed by the others. She was mostly upset about the pink earthling having left- but she wasn’t ready to ask about it. 

The other gems had seen her with Lion over the last few days, only the Runt had asked her about it, and she had told her to fuck off, and that the earthling kept coming to her. It wasn’t a lie, but she had made herself seem more displeased than she truely was.

They seemed to mostly leave her alone. She guessed that meant they don’t see her as a threat anymore- which she felt was stupid, but somewhat justified. She may not be as much of a threat as she used to be, however that didn’t mean she was safe to be around.

She groaned quite loudly when she found out they wanted to take her along to a secondary location. They wanted Rose to go on something called a Vacation, apparently because she had been behaving different since returning from Homeworld. 

To Jasper, it seemed like an odd reason to create a mission for.

Jasper requested to stay at the temple. She was surprised when Garnet said yes- although she shouldn’t be too surprised. 

Garnet would have used the Sapphire’s future vision to predict that she was either going to follow their rules while they were gone, or would be hostile if she went with them.

Not much was said about Garnet saying Jasper could stay at the temple alone, until Greg had taken Steven and Amethyst down to the van, leaving Garnet and Pearl to finish packing Steven’s stuff.

“Garnet, are you sure we should really leave Jasper on her own here. It wasn’t that long ago we all agreed she wasn’t allowed to stay here alone, when we went to the Zoo.” 

Jasper curled her lip and bared her teeth at Pearl when she looked over at her.

Garnet seemed to shake her head at Jasper, which made Jasper close her mouth and frown. She looked down at the ground as Garnet spoke. 

“She’s fine. She won’t make much trouble... she’ll mostly just sleep.”

“I could destroy everything while you’re on this mission.” Jasper crossed her arms in a huff.

“I know you’re more than capable of doing that.” She shifted her visor. “I trust you won’t.”

Jasper scoffed. “Whatever. Just go on your mission.”

She felt conflicted as she watched the two gems leave. She stood with her arms crossed until she watched the van turn, driving away from the beach.

She let her arms fall to her side. She didn’t overly know what to do.

‘It’s nice to be trusted about something again, but she’s a Crystal gem, a traitor. Her trust means nothing to me.  
Yet you’re not planning on breaking it.’

The little voice was back. The one that countered her every thought. She knew it was herself, she had different perspectives on her own thoughts. She was sick of the constant contradictions in her head... 

‘Wait, they’re gone. I’m stuck with myself...’

Jasper’s groan started out quiet, but quickly became louder as she scratched at the sides of her head. The displeased noise lasted much longer than any human would be able to manage.

By the time she sunk to her knees she began to laugh. It wasn’t a happy laugh, but it felt almost nice in her chest. Jasper began to think aloud.

“I could escape. They’ve left me here unguarded. Stupid move... No. I have no means of returning to Homeworld, and haven’t collected any information worth my corruption-“

She shook her head. Apparently talking about what you’re thinking makes it feel more real. She didn’t need the thought that her corruption was worthless- that it had no meaning or purpose- to feel real.

“I wonder when that pink earthling will return. Hmmm... I hope I can rest on her again sometime in the future... Ha! Maybe I should of asked Garnet.”

While the Crystal gems were gone, Jasper found herself wondering around the temple. 

“I could take this as an opportunity to collect information on them. Go through their base...”

She eyed off the temple door. Standing in front of it did nothing for her- she did not have access to that area. “Figures. It’s probably where the most useful stuff is too... this aspect of their base seems to cater to Rose...”

She didn’t need to sleep again, not yet, so she stood. She stood at the front door of the beach house. Her legs parted, her hands behind her back: standing ‘at ease’. 

It was a stationary pose. One she was fairly used to- falling back on what she was familiar with to cope with a new situation.

Usually her head would be tilted forwards, along with her eyes. She didn’t feel the desire to, so while she stood there, she looked around. 

She didn’t move even as the sun went down, or when the moon was in the middle of the sky, or when the sun had begun to rise again.

She didn’t move again until she saw a human begin to walk across the beach. Jasper frowned and walked down the stairs. “Identify yourself, state your purpose.”

The human jumped. “Lord! You startled me- woah, you’re a big fella aren’t you? What’s your name?”

Jasper was surprised at how loud this human was. “Answer my question first.”

“Ey, fair enough. The name’s Barb- just here to drop off the mail... just letters. No signature needed.”

Jasper watched the human place a few envelopes in the mail box- she didn’t know what either were, and wondered how she didn’t notice the ‘container’ earlier.

“Now, what’s your name?” Jasper frowned. “Come on, I answered your question. Only fair you answered mine.”

Jasper tilted her head to the side, it took her a few moments to realise that by ‘name’, the human was asking what to call her. “My... name... is Jasper.”

“Nice to meet you Jasp!” She put her hands on her hips as she looked down at the overstuffed bag she had put on the floor. “Well, gotta finish my rounds... heyyy, you look pretty strong. Any chance you could help a gal out?”

“What?”

“It would be a REAL help if you could come with me while I deliver the mail. I’ve gotta take extra since... what happened a few days ago, ya know?”

Jasper looked down at Barb’s bag. She was wearing another one over her shoulder, but it seemed to be filled with the same things she had just put in the container. The one on the ground seemed to be filled with boxes.

The human asked for her assistance, and surely her complying wouldn’t be met with disapproval, unless she managed to damage something.

Jasper pointed at the bag Are you wanting me to carry that thing on the sand?”

“Yeah! You don’t look too busy, if you’re down here bugging me.”

Jasper let out a short laugh. “I’ve never been less busy in my entire life.”

Jasper leant down to grab the strap of the bag. Jasper could list it with ease- she wrapped the strap around her wrist and put her hand under the bag, resting it on her hip. She ignored the comment the human made about her being strong.

Barb lead Jasper up behind the temple to the boardwalk. Jasper remembered walking through here, there were less people around this time.

The few people she did see have her the same looks though. They looked scared of her, which Jasper liked.

Jasper was walking behind Barb. She moved her free hand forward to gently tap the human on the shoulder. “What does this mission entail?”

“What? You mean my job?” Jasper nodded. “Mail gets sent from out of town, and I deliver it to where it needs to go. 

“Kind of like an escort?”

“Pardon me?”

“When I was an escort, I would take gems to secondary locations. Make sure they arrived safely, and shit like that.”

Barb put a hand on her chest. “OH! Good grief! I thought you meant something else for a sec.” She laughed as she took a breath in. “Yeah it’s kinda like that! Although I’d be worried if my mail started talking back. Wouldn’t want to write that report!”

Jasper grunted and hunched over slightly. “Urg. Tell me about it. Reports suck ass.” She didn’t know why, but Barb laughing at what she said made her smile. 

She felt the human slap her back. “You’re too much, Jasp.” Barb was still laughing. This felt similar to a Quartz interaction.

Jasper stopped walking when Barb told her to. She stood on the footpath, as Barb walked up to the front door of the human residence with a package that needed to be signed for.

They walked along the street, Barb was mostly putting the mail in the mail boxes, there was only a few times she had to go to the front door.

Jasper noted this human loved to talk- Barb would say hello to everyone she saw. She would make some comment about one thing or another- some of the other humans seemed slightly uncomfortable with Barb, maybe intimidated?

“So. Are you gonna be in town for long?”

“Longer than I’d like.”

Barb raised an eyebrow. “You from the city or somethin? Not a fan of small towns?”

This human asked a lot of questions, Jasper thought she might as well answer them. She had quickly gotten sick of talking to herself. “Not a fan of Earth in general.”

“Awe man, no need to sound so down kid... Hey, are you one of Steven’s friends?”

Jasper scoffed, Rose had even told these humans that she was called Steven. “No.”

“Really? I thought I saw you up at his house.”

“We’re not friends... but I do stay there.”

Jasper didn’t talk much as she followed Barb. She was surprised that she wasn’t tuning out what the human was saying, although she wasn’t very interested in learning about how Barb hurt her knee, or about how she might have to hire a new mailman.

At the beginning of the mostly one sided conversation, Jasper didn’t know what a mail, or a man were. She quickly figured mail was what they were delivering to the different buildings.

When offered water, Jasper declined.

“It’s crazy how those aliens were kidnapping people from here. They even tried to take my Sadie! Wait... is aliens a bad term? What are you lot called?”

Jasper frowned. “They were here for the humans?” Jasper thought for a second. She wasn’t familiar with the term ‘alien’. “Probably not bad... I don’t know. We’re called Gems.”

“Gems? Huh, interesting... but yeah! Steven’s family were tellin’ me about it. It’s why I’m taking the extra mail, they took Jamie. I mean he’s back now. Poor boy was traumatised- same with Sadie. I wish I could be home with her, but duty calls.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow. ‘Why would they take the humans just to give them straight back? Why would they take the humans at all?’ Jasper shook her head, they would have been acting on the orders of a Diamond, she is in no position to question what happened.

“My Sadie is pretty strong. She’s more worried about Lars than herself. Hopefully everyone’s safe, and things go back to normal soon... if it’s even possible for things to go back to normal.”

Jasper shook her head slightly. “Doesn’t seem like a possibility.”

“Best thing we have in times like these is hope. Things will look up soon, I’m sure of it. They always do!”

Barb was clearly worried, but she seemed positive. Jasper found herself admiring that- this human seemed to hold herself up strong. Even though Barb is an organic from Earth, Jasper respected that about her.

In some ways, this human reminded her of herself. ‘Relating to humans now? Admiring how a human can behave? How pathetic is that?’ She shook the thoughts from her head.

Barb continued to talk as they walked around the town. Jasper listened, but said very little, unless she was asked a direct question.

“So, how long have you been in town? Or did you just get here? Would be a pretty rough time to show up.”

Jasper shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure... I think I have been at the base- I mean house?- for... somewhat recently one of them said it had been two months... or was it three? Either way, I don’t remember how long ago that was.” She was struggling with her sentences. 

She thought she would do better if she thought out her response before speaking, but this human was like an Agate. If you don’t respond immediately, you don’t get the chance to respond at all.

“What! That long! How haven’t I seen you around?” Barb seemed genuinely surprised.

Jasper thought to the time she had spent while on Earth since being healed. “I haven’t been getting out much.”

“You gotta get out! Go for a walk, eat some fruit, hell, even just hang out with some people on the beach. We’ve definitely got enough beach... It’ll help keep you from getting stuck in a funk.”

Jasper didn’t fully understand what Barb was saying, but she seemed to be trying to give some advice. “I have been walking along the beach a couple times.”

“See! That’s a good start.”

Barb grabbed the last parcel from the bag Jasper had been carrying. “Well, that’s everything!”

Once Barb delivered it, Jasper handed back the now empty bag. Jasper decided she didn’t mind this human- just like she didn’t mind the pink earthling.

“Thanks for today Jasp, you were a big help. I would be able to do it on my own, but my knee is playing up something shocking. If it wasn’t for you I’d probably only be a quarter way done! Can just lock up at the office, and go check on Sadie.”

She didn’t like being called Jasp, but she felt good to be useful. She gave a small grin. “It took very little effort.”

“Ha! I don’t doubt that... Anything I can do for you in return?”

“No.” What could a human possibly do for a gem?

“Awh well, in time, if there’s anything just let me know! Hopefully I’ll see you around again soon.”

Jasper found herself nodding. “This was... um-“ she tried to gather her thoughts in her head, was she really wanting to thank a human? “Assisting you was pleasant.”

Barb laughed as she began to walk off. “Well I sure as hell ain’t complaining. Have a good one.” She waved at Jasper, and without realising Jasper put her hand up in response. 

Helping Barb with the mail run had been a good distraction, but it had also been useful. Not just to Barb. Jasper was now more familiar with this area of Earth. 

Most of the knowledge she had gained from listening to Barb was trivial- like the name of her daughter, the recent changes to the pricing regulations, and what houses preferred their mail to be left on their doorstep instead of signing for it.

But she also knew the town behind the Crystal Gems base was called Beach city, and she was familiar with some of the streets now. It was good to have knowledge of your surroundings.

Barb had pointed out a large water tower, and Jasper decided to walk towards it. She stopped when she reached the edge of the town.

She look over at the trees in front of her. She wanted to scope the area, but instead kicked a rock the size of her fist along the ground as she began to walk back towards the temple. 

Jasper wasn’t sure when the others would return from their mission, and part of her was desperate to hold onto the small scrape of trust Garnet was giving her. Garnet may be a traitor, but as Jasper was able to think clearly in one of the rare times since being healed, she knew she craved approval. Craved trust. 

Even if the only people she had around to prove herself to were traitors, she didn’t want to be seen as the failure she felt she was. 

When they did eventually get back from their trip, Jasper was sitting on the temple hand. Her legs were over the edge. If she wanted, she could shift herself forward and land on the beach. She didn’t want to greet them though, so she just continued to sit.

“She hasn’t moved since we got back... and she didn’t acknowledge us when we showed up.” Steven was concerned, he was worried Jasper was going to shut herself off again... he focused on Jasper to distract from his own problems.

“That’s not really new Steven-“ Pearl looked like she was deep in though. “You know, it’s kind of funny. I thought she would be a threat- I mean she has been a threat a couple times. Mostly she’s really just a burden- an inconvenience.”

Steven looked over to the warp pad in his house. “I think I’m going to talk to her.”

His family now knew he was upset about Connie not returning his calls, or responding to his texts since his return to Earth. Steven knew Jasper either wouldn’t notice how he felt, or if she did, she wouldn’t care. He felt like he needed that. A conversation that wasn’t catered to his fragile state. A distraction.

Jasper shuddered as she heard the warp behind her activate. The flash of light meant someone had materialised there. She wasn’t sure who she least wanted to be the one there, until she heard a voice.

‘Great, Rose.’ Jasper gritted her teeth.

“Hey Jasper. Did you enjoy your time alone.”

Steven heard Jasper grunt. He waited for a response, but he thought he wasn’t going to get one.

“Is it alright if I sit down with you? I’m so tired I feel like I could fall asleep standing up!”

He watched Jasper shrug.

Steven made sure to not sit too close to Jasper- he didn’t feel in as much danger around her as he used to, but that didn’t mean he was going to start hugging her or anything like that anytime soon.

He didn’t feel in danger, but he didn’t feel safe.

His legs were crossed when he sat down, but after a couple minutes he felt uncomfortable and stretched his legs out over the edge. He put his hands on the temple’s stone between his legs and started to dangle his legs back and forth. 

He caught Jasper watching, but didn’t say anything. He watched her curl her toes, and gently copy him for a few seconds, before she stopped and cracked her knuckles. “It was fine... my ‘time alone’, I mean.”

“Oh!” Steven was surprised to get a response to the question he had almost forgot he asked. “That’s good! Did anything interesting happen?”

“Only a couple things worth noting.”

“Like what?”

Jasper didn’t respond to that question. Part of her was worried she was going to get in trouble for interacting with a human, although she wasn’t sure why she was worried. It’s not like the Crystal Gems had shown they would punish her like an Agate would.

Jasper noticed Rose fiddling with her hands. Rose kept looking from the temple back to her hands. She obviously had something on her mind. “What do you want, Rose? Spit it out.”

Rose sighed. She seemed nervous. “Jasper... I think I understand you a little better now.”

Jasper didn’t turn to him, but she squinted and curled her lips. “What?”

“When I was on Homeworld-“

“You can’t really think you have a better understanding of me, because you went to Homeworld.”

“That’s not why... I pretended I was mum. I was put on trial, Blue and Yellow Diamond were there... Yellow said I should be shattered for looking like this-“

“You should.”

“Exactly! This is why I think I understand you more. You share the same views as her- when you were talking with us before.... uh... well, you said that changing your form was wrong, looking different to how you’re supposed to is wrong. I didn’t realise you meant that we should be shattered for it...”

“What the fuck did you think I meant?”

“I assumed you meant put in jail. But, now that you look different to how you’re supposed to, because of how things are on Homeworld, you felt like you should be shattered.... but maybe didnt want to say it, so you said poofed and bubbled?”

“I said dissipated. I wouldn’t call it poofed- that’s a dumb Crystal Gem term for it.” 

Jasper was avoiding what Steven was saying, and he could tell. But he didn’t want to push it. This was one of the only times Steven felt like Jasper wasn’t trying to intimidate him.

Jasper looked out at the ocean. The way the sun reflected off of the water made it look peaceful, made it look like if you went underneath it’s surface, everything around you would shimmer.

It was quiet, until she heard a yawn beside her. Although it was the middle of the day, Steven was exhausted.

Jasper had been considering the conversation they just had. Thinking about her experience since she returned to Earth, how she thought the being next to her was human. She thought about everything that she could remember since reforming.

After a few minutes of silence, she sighed loudly. “You’re... really not Rose. Are you?”

“No.”

After a few minutes of silence, Jasper began to mumble to herself. It took a bit for Steven to be able to understand what she was mumbling. “Rose-ten. Rostin. Ro-ven. Roven?”

“What?”

Jasper looked over at Steven. He was so much smaller than she was, it was amusing. “If you’re not Rose, I’m just going to call you Roven.”

“Yeah?” Steven’s confused expression changed to a small smile. “That’s close enough.”

She focused on the ocean again. The water moved calmly, unphased by the conversation Steven and Jasper had. As Steven sat next to her in silence, Jasper couldn’t tell if she admired or envied the ocean. 

It always moved however it wanted, and when disturbed, it quickly went back to its desired state. It wasn’t effected by internal struggles, or moral conflicts, it just existed.

Jasper was ready to do something with herself.


	12. Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 3: Pull Forward, Push Back
> 
> Jasper decides to put her self appointed mission to gather information on the Crystal Gems to the side, as she wants to learn how to feel okay- but she quickly realises that ‘doing something with yourself’ can be harder than it should be.

“Jasper. Jasper! JASPER.”

Jasper groaned. When she opened her eyes she saw Steven standing over her. She sat herself up.

It had been three days since the Gems had returned from their ‘Vacation’ mission. Three days since she had accepted the fact that Steven wasn’t Rose.

It was hard for Jasper to come to terms with the fact that the gem who had caused her Diamond’s demise was no longer around, and that she would never pay for what she had done.

She didn’t want to think about that. 

Steven hovered over her, as she continued to wipe the drool off of her face. “You were talking in your sleep.”

“What?” She rubbed her eyes. “That’s a thing?”

“Yeah- Were you having a nightmare?” Jasper looked confused. “A nightmare is a bad dream- It’s like, something you see while asleep. It’s not real, and sometimes doesn’t make sense.”

Jasper hummed for a second, thinking. She knew what a dream was, even if she didn’t know the name. “Like when you went into my gem, while I was... in a bubble?”

“What- when did that happen?” Amethyst was sitting on the couch with the other Crystal Gems.

“Yeah exactly like that- and it started happening a few nights before we healed her.”

“Ahh.” Pearl nodded as she spoke. “So that’s why you wanted to heal her. You were connecting with her gem in your sleep.”

“That doesn’t matter. I just want to know if Jasper is okay. Did you have a nightmare?”

“Why do you care?” Jasper closed her eyes, trying to focus. ”Regardless of why, I don’t remember.”

“When you were sleeping, you were mumbling, but I clearly heard you say something about giving up.”

Part of Jasper’s dream came back to her, and she vividly remembered begging Dream Lapis to make her feel powerful again, that she would give up all control of Malachite, just to feel like she wasn’t worthless.

“Yeah I heard that too. What are you giving up on, Sis?”

It made her cringe. “All I’m giving up on right now, is the hope that I’ll get back to sleep- and the hope that you weren’t going to call me that again.”

Amethyst chuckled to herself. “Oh yeah, I haven’t called you that in a hot minute.”

Jasper frowned. “I didn’t think measurements of time had temperatures.” She didn’t like the laugh that came out the Runt. It felt mocking.

Jasper’s hands and face felt sticky from her drool. She grunted as she stood up.

Jasper found that because of her partial disconnection, she can’t just flex to get things off of her, she had to manually wash herself- like a human. It felt degrading.

She walked towards the bathroom to wash the remaining drool from her form, but stopped in her tracks. She frowned as she took a step back.

She walked back into the main area. “Why is Peridot in the bathroom?”

Only Pearl looked up at Jasper and narrowed her eyes at her. “Why were you in the bathroom?”

“Come on, it was a simple question... Not that it’s any of your business, I just wanted to clean myself.”

“I don’t have to answer to you.”

Jasper groaned. “You don’t have to be difficult about it. I wasn’t requesting information from you because you’re a Pearl, I was asking a fucking question that I thought you might have the answer to.” 

Jasper turned around and began to mumble to herself as she walked off. “Guess I’ll just have to fucking ask her myself- not that she would be happy to see me.”

She grabbed a cloth that was on the sink, as she waited for the water to warm up. She ran it under the water and wiped her face with the damp cloth. She threw it into the sink and began to rub her hands together.

She turned the taps off, and looked over at Peridot as she wiped her hands dry (enough) on her pants. Peridot was laying on her stomach, her face buried in a blanket that lined the bath. 

She wasn’t moving, but Jasper could tell she was awake by her infrequent groans. She sounded in pain.

“What happened to you?”

Jasper noticed that Steven was standing in the doorway, although she wasn’t sure when he got there.

“She took the barn- our home. I didn’t want to leave, but she did. So she took everything... I miss my stuff- I miss her... so much. I started a whole new life with her here, we grew stuff together, we lived together. She’s my closest friend, and now she’s just... gone.”

Jasper looked back over at Steven, who looked nervous. “Uh, Peridot? Maybe don’t talk about this stuff with Jasper here...”

Peridot shrugged into the blanket. “I didn’t know she was here.”

“But- she was the one that asked you what happened?”

Jasper sighed as she turned around and sat on the bathroom floor, leaning her back against the bath. “Did she leave Earth?” 

Jasper figured her former coworker was talking about Lapis, but she couldn’t bring herself to say her name. 

Peridot made a noise, and Jasper could tell that meant the answer was yes. Jasper’s chest felt suddenly heavy, and she groaned at the feeling.

She reached her hand out, and rested it on Peridot’s head. She was expecting Peridot to flinch, but she didn’t react at all. Jasper tried to soften her voice, although wasn’t entirely successful. “You’ll get over it.” 

Peridot groaned, and Jasper quickly removed her hand and stood up. She didn’t know what to do in a situation like this, and when she didn’t like a social interaction, she would just leave.

She heard Peridot depressingly say ‘wow, thanks’, as she walked out of the bathroom.

As she leant against the bench, Jasper looked over at the blanket that she had left beside the couch. She couldn’t remember where it had come from- she used it a lot, but was it even hers?

Obviously one of the Crystal Gems had grabbed it for her, but had they given it to her?

What happened to the cloth she ripped? Was she still waiting punishment for that- Pearl wanted her to be in trouble, but Garnet had brushed her off.

Steven looked annoyed when he came out of the bathroom. He walked right up to Jasper. 

“Why did you do that?”

Jasper felt her eye twitch. “Do what?”

“Tell her that she’ll get over it! That’s really rude.”

She clenched her jaw, and curled her lip. “What? I was trying to help. How was that rude?”

Steven was about to ask Jasper how on Earth that was helping, when Garnet put her hand on his head. She knelt down in front of him.

“Steven, you have to remember that Jasper... sees things differently than we do. Her life has been very different from ours since the war. Like Peridot- at first- she doesn’t understand support like we do.”

Steven’s angry expression began to soften. After a few moments he lifted a hand to his chin in thought. He began to drag out a loud hum. 

Jasper narrowed her eyes at him. He suddenly snapped his fingers in front of him, turning to Jasper as he did, making her flinch slightly.

“That’s why you put your hand on her head. You saw that’s something we do to reassure each other, so you did it to her?”

Jasper crossed her arms. ‘Is that why I put my hand on her head?- I don’t usually touch gems unless I’m fighting them, or putting them down. Oh fuck- they’re rubbing off on me without me even realising it.’

Jasper looked embarrassed, before she grunted. “Whatever.” Steven smiled up at Jasper. He was proud that she was learning how to be more considerate, even if she was a little misguided.

His smile made Jasper feel embarrassed again. “Urg. Stop looking at me like that.” Steven didn’t stop. “Fuck off, Roven.”

“Jasper langu- wait. Roven?”

“Oh yeah! Jasper calls me Roven now.”

“Wha- Since when... why?”

“I’ve heard her say it twice.” Garnet shifted her visor. “I think she’s making an effort not to call him Rose.”

“Aweee. Jasper is making progress. That’s pretty cute, sis.” Jasper wanted to push the Runt over- not to hurt her though.

“That’s all well and good.” Pearl sounded almost sarcastic. “But I really think we need to go over the rules again. Adjust them to be more fitting of the current situation-“ Pearl made eye contact with Jasper “and put more effort into actually following them.” 

Garnet shrugged “The more important ones were no no killing or fighting, and ask before leaving. We seem to be going alright with that.”

“ALRIGHT? Since setting those rules she hasn’t stopped arguing with us, making her little comments, that’s it she’s even bothering to talk to us! How are we going alright?”

“I’m not shattering you.” Jasper had meant it as a sort of joke, but it was brushed over.

“Jasper, you’re not part of this conversation. So butt out.”

“Woah, Pearl. Language~” Jasper smirked at the Runt’s mocking remark.

Jasper leant back so that her elbows were resting on the kitchen bench. ‘Not part of this conversation? I’m the subject of it.’

Jasper stayed silent as she watched the others argue. She didn’t care too much for the conversation- she thought she was being fairly compliant with them, more compliant than she would like. 

With the threat of being handed over for shattering- how could she not?

Jasper got distracted from her thoughts when she felt a smaller hand in hers. She looked down to see Steven was holding her hand... why?

He began to whisper. “Hey, lets go check on Peridot.” Jasper pulled her hand away from Steven, and wiped her hand on her pants as she followed him back into the bathroom.

“Hey Peridot. It’s just Jasper and I again.” Peridot groaned. “We’re just gonna sit in here for a while if that’s okay with you?”

Jasper huffed. She felt like Peridot was being pathetic, but part of her was reminding her of her own behaviour of late.

Jasper leant against the wall, her arms crossed, starring into her reflection in the mirror. 

She remembered looking at it when Rose’s- Steven human companion took her into the bathroom to reach her about eyeliner. She had silently questioned when the mirror was repaired- she couldn’t remember breaking it, but she was sure it was her who had.

Her once perfect form was flawed with the scars of her mistake. While it was the direct consequence of her one mistake, she felt like her scars reflected everything wrong with her.

Jasper wasn’t there to protect her Diamond. If Her Diamond was still here, the Diamonds wouldn’t have blasted the Earth- no corrupted gems- they would have been able to win the war against the Crystal Gems and shatter them all. There would have been no need for Jasper to have returned to Earth. The ship she was on wouldn’t have crashed. She wouldn’t have lost her right against Garnet. She wouldn’t have fused with Lapis, getting herself dragged to the bottom of the ocean. She wouldn’t have been desperate to become that fusion again, begging Lapis on her knees to be Malachite again. She wouldn’t have tried to make an army out of corrupted gems and fusion experiments. She wouldn’t have lost to that human fusion when trying to rid the universe of the Runt. She wouldn’t have lost that defective army when trying to fight yet another fusion. She wouldn’t have been so desperate to fuse with a corrupted gem.

Her scars were visual reminders of all the mistakes she had made, that had been engraved in her gem since before she had emerged.

When she looked away from her reflection in shame, she watched Steven walking out of the bathroom. “I’m gonna go see what’s going on with the others. BRB.”

Jasper shook her head. ‘What the fuck does beearbee mean?’ Jasper looked down at her hands. She started to mindlessly trace her thumb around her scar.

“Jasper?”

She looked down to the bath to see that Peridot was laying on her back, instead of her stomach. “Yes?”

“Can you stay?”

Jasper frowned. She hadn’t treated Peridot very well, up until this point. Why would Peridot want her to stay... unless it was less about her staying, and more about not being alone?

“Fine.”

Jasper crossed her arms as she sunk to the floor. Her feet were resting against the cupboard under the sink. She let her head drop forward as she closed her eyes.

“Do you miss her?”

Jasper opened her eyes. She wasn’t sure if she had fallen asleep or not. She frowned at Peridot’s question. “We were never friends.”

Not a lie, but it also wasn’t a proper response. Jasper knew that. It was something she did a lot, but she should have known Peridot wouldn’t be satisfied with her antics.

“Weren’t you the same gem for months?”

Jasper continued to frown, this time in thought.

‘She has a point. We were the same gem. Does that matter? She’s hates me. She told me she hated me. She ordered me to leave, so I left. I will still respect her order, but I can’t change that I don’t feel whole without her. I have always like a part of me was missing... maybe it has something to do with what Rose did to My Diamond... Rose is gone now. She can’t even pay for what she did. She took away everything I was made to care about... After fusion I felt like, maybe it wasn’t that part of me was missing, but that I was the missing part. I manipulated her, and she dragged me to the bottom of the ocean for it. I deserved everything she did to me... but I still crave it, all the bad was worth the good. I’m willing to destroy everything about myself... give up myself... I crave her. I need to be Malachite again.”

Jasper’s breath began to quicken. At what point had she stopped thinking, and began to speak out loud? How much had Peridot heard?

She growled, as she began to pull her hair. “SHUT UP. DON’T ASK ME SHIT. LEAVE ME ALONE.” Jasper pulled herself onto her feet and ran out of the bathroom.

She ignored the gems yelling at her as she ran out of the beach house. She couldn’t hear them asking her to stop, to calm down, asking what had happened. She just wanted to get away from her mistake.

She didn’t notice that the sun had began to set as she ran out the door, and jumped over the edge of the veranda.

She rolled as her form hit the sand. She didn’t bother to shake the sand out of her hair as she lifted herself to her feet to begin the run across the beach.

She kept trying to spin, but instead kept tumbling over. Until she didn’t bother to keep running. She had ran past the small town behind the temple hill, and the beach in front of her was turning to dirt and trees. 

She didn’t want to run through the trees, she wanted to run along the beach. She wanted to feel the crunch of the sand under her feet as the water splashed forward, teasing at her feet- wanting to pull her in.

She stood, staring at the sand under her feet, feeling it shift under her as she turned her body to the water. The beach wasn’t long enough for her to run as far as she wanted to.

By the time everyone had caught up, Jasper’s eyes were glassy. Garnet had carried Steven, who was increasingly concerned for Jasper. He thought she was getting better until he heard her scream at Peridot.

Peridot had stayed in the bathroom. She was unphased by Jasper’s outburst, partially due to her experience of Jasper on the hand ship they shared, but mostly because the numbness that had taken over her body made her feel desensitised to everything.

“What’s wrong Jasper?” Jasper didn’t look down at Steven, who had been put on the sand and was holding onto Garnet’s leg. Jasper didn’t register his voice as belonging to anyone.

“I showed weakness. I should be ashamed of myself- I am ashamed in myself. Everything I’ve done since coming back to this toxic chunk of dirt has been pathetic and weak and desperate. I’m disgusting-“ 

She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut as she sunk to her knees. She felt the water wash over her legs, and pull back again. Continuing it’s never ending motions.

“Why do I keep saying things out loud?” Her voice came out weak.

Even Pearl was concerned for Jasper. She had spent the better part of the last few months viewing Jasper as a relentless brainwashed Homeworld gem- but in realty, she was just as predisposed to emotional breakdowns as any of them. 

This wasn’t just her disconnection to her gem. Her current state was going to happen sooner or later, the disconnection just sped up her deterioration.

Jasper took a deep breath in. It felt jagged, like she was breathing in blades instead of air. Why was breathing so hard for her? She’s constantly gasping for breath. She doesn’t even need to breathe- why does she do it? Is it a comfort?

Jasper looked down at her hands. The water washed over them, gently rocking her back and forth. 

“I think- I want to learn how to feel better.” It sounded like she was talking to herself. “I don’t feel satisfied with anything anymore. Everything I held onto has fallen out from under me- I won’t ever be a Crystal Gem. I hate what Rose did, and I can’t respect this planet.... I’m just so sick of feeling terrible and it being for nothing.”

She punched the sand, splashing water up into her face. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

Garnet had just been saying that she was doing a good job at following the rules, and she goes and breaks it because she was angry with herself for speaking her mind.

“It’s okay Jasper. You’re going to be okay.” A gentle rub of a human hand on her shoulder made Jasper truely feel that there were others around her.

She knew the others had caught up, she knew they were there, so she didn’t understand why the gesture made their presence feel more... there... to her.

Jasper rolled her body to the side and flopped onto her back. The water began to wash over her hair, dragging it towards the ocean.

Jasper began to laugh, looking past the gems surrounding her, and looking up at the stars that had began to show themselves in the darkening sky. It was a tired laugh, that ended with another sigh. She felt oddly numb.

“You lot are going to drive me crazy.”

She felt tired. She felt somewhat numb, and tingly, at the same time. She wanted to wrap herself up in a blanket and sleep.

She let them help her out of the water. She walked back to the temple with them. Considered apologising for her behaviour.

She sat in front of the heater, she liked the warmth on her gem. She had a blanket around her, it was different to the one she had been using. It was thicker.

Her hair was draped over her shoulders so that the fire could dry it. Wet clumps of her fringe were hanging over her face. Droplets of water were falling into her form, and she didn’t mind. She didn’t want to be dried with a towel again. She liked this warmth.

Garnet and Amethyst were watching them from the kitchen, Pearl sitting on the couch just feet away from Jasper. They were keeping a silent eye on Jasper, making sure she didn’t hurt Steven.

Steven sat beside her with a hot chocolate in his hands. He looked tired.

Jasper’s mind was very slowly wandering from thought to thought. She wasn’t thinking much about what has just happened, she was mostly just thinking about how nice it felt to be warm.

“You should go to sleep, Roven.”

Steven yawned, before taking another sip of the warm drink. “Why?”

Jasper watched the flames. She liked how their light would dance around, like it was alive. “It’s dark- best time to sleep. You need it every day, you’re human.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Another yawn from the child.

Jasper smiled, a huff of air escaper her lips in the process. “You should be worried about yourself. I could crush your feeble form with little effort.” She looked down at Steven to see him nervously slurping down the last of the drink. “I’m joking.”

She wasn’t sure how much time had past when Steven began to topple to the side. She stuck her hand out so he wouldn’t hit the ground. He was asleep. 

She shook her head as she chuckled to herself. She shifted over so that she could rest him on her leg.

She moved part of her blanket over him, and continued to watch the fire dancing in front of her.


	13. Pay Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 3: Pull Forward, Push Back.
> 
> Garnet takes Jasper down to the basement for some enlightenment- Jasper’s lesson doesn’t go as planned, but that doesn’t mean she failed.

“So you keep all of them safe in bubbles?” Jasper raised an eyebrow.

Jasper was standing in the temple basement. It was here that she had once spent her time imprisoned, mindless, in a bubble.

She was looking up at the gems in their own bubbles. They were floating around in there, unable to reform. Unaware of anything.

Jasper wondered if they were running through their memories like she had been... or maybe they were having more pleasant dreams.

“As I just said, yes.” Garnet had seemed patient at first, but Jasper kept asking her to repeat herself, and it seemed to be getting old.

“Even your enemies?”

Garnet and Steven had taken Jasper to the basement for her first ‘lesson’. She had said she wanted to learn how to feel better, and to the Crystal Gems, that had apparently meant she wanted to hear their traitorous propaganda.

Maybe Jasper could just take what she wanted from these ‘lessons’ and ignore the rest. All of this felt like giving into weakness, but she was desperate to feel on top again. Even if all she could be on top of, was her own thoughts.

“Well- yeah? We can’t let them run around Earth. It’s not safe for anyone. Including themselves! We do hope we can help them one day, but until then, this is the best we can do.”

Steven’s answer was as emotionally fuelled as ever.

Jasper crossed her arms. Taking a moment to think about what was just said. “You healed me.”

“You were different- you weren’t directly corrupted by the diamond blast. Steven was able to heal you.. but not the others. He has tried to heal them in the past, but-“

“Is it because his human half interferes with Rose’s powers?”

“No, Rose couldn’t heal them either.”

Jasper narrowed her eyes at no one in particular. She couldn’t remember what she had been thinking while rounding up the corrupted gems- just what she had said out loud to herself.

She wasn’t able to access many of her past thoughts- must be her disconnection. ‘Urg, I’m sick of that stupid thing.’

She wondered what she had thought the corrupted gems would have been. She remembered that she had figured out that they used to be gems, since she had talked about that to one of the corrupted gems... the one that she had-

She shook the thought from her gem.

“I just don’t understand why you would keep your enemies safe too. You could easily shatter them- it’s what we did.”

Garnet turned her head to the side. Jasper couldn’t read her expression, but felt like she struck a nerve. She stayed silent.

“It’s not their fault they’re our enemies. I tried to heal one of them... before you got corrupted. I tried twice, I could only do it a little bit. But now I know that the corrupted gems-“ Steven began to get more emotional as he spoke “-they were just following orders! We had to fight them so we could save the Earth, but don’t deserve to be shattered for that!”

Jasper frowned. ‘So what? My diamond deserved to be shattered for it?’ She decided to keep her questions to herself. 

While she wanted to argue with these gems, her side mission to help improve her mental well-being wasn’t something she could complete through arguing over everything.

“Jasper.”

“Jasper?”

“Jasper!” Jasper looked over to Garnet. She seemed impatient. “Tell me why we bubble the corrupted gems and keep them in the basement.”

Jasper blinked slowly as she looked at her reflection in Garnet’s visor. She looked so tired- her eyes felt more sunken than usual.

Jasper took the time to unfold her arms, and rub her face. Her fingers brushed over her gem as she rubbed her eyes, which caused her to shiver.

“Something about protecting the Earth, and not shattering gems.”

Garnet sighed.

“WHAT? It’s what you said!”

“Steven, tell Jasper why we do this.” Jasper groaned.

“We put them in bubbles and keep them here to keep them safe.”

“Yeah yeah, so they won’t attack the humans, or each other, or whatever.” Jasper was looking at the lava in the centre of this temple room. Everything about this room felt unorthodox. 

It seemed illogical to have a liquid of such high temperature in a gem containment unit.

Garnet was talking again, but Jasper couldn’t hear her. The bubbles above her were distracting her again.

She recognised a lot of the gems up there. Most of them she recognised the gem type, but not the cut. She fought against a lot of these she gems, and along side even more of them.

She had never seen so many bubbles in one place. It felt-

“JASPER! You aren’t listening.” Garnet was right.

She didn’t respond straight away.

“Why do you even want to heal them? Some of these gems are wanting to shatter you all. Even if you could heal them, they wouldn’t be the same, they’d come back all...”

“Wouldn’t they heal like you?” Jasper looked down at the genuine concern on Steven’s face. It felt like he as pitying her.

She clenched her jaw, as her arms tightened against her chest. “Yes, like me.”

“That’s okay!”

“How? Their forms will be wrong. That isn’t okay.” Steven stood on his tippy toes, and reached his hand up to touch the scar covering Jasper’s fingers. Her arms were still crossed, so her fingers were resting on her bicep.

“Corruption leaves a scar. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you- it means there used to be something wrong with you. But you’re better now! That’s what scars can show- that you’re better than you used to be.”

Jasper frowned. That’s not how her scars made her feel.

Later that afternoon, Jasper sat on the floor next to the couch. It was a bright day. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

She didn’t wrap herself in a blanket. She just sat there, with her arms crossed. One leg was bent, resting against the couch.

She looked angry.

“What’s wrong with Jasper?” Amethyst pointed a thumb towards Jasper.

“She’s grumpy because she couldn’t answer the questions perfectly. But that’s okay! You can’t get it right straight away, not every time!”

“That’s not why I’m frustrated!”

“Then... why?”

Jasper frowned. She felt like a newly emerged gem, pouting because someone else in her unit was better than she was- obviously she had never felt that way, personally. 

She didn’t think the other gems in her unit even got the chance to feel that way about her. Most emerged too defective to function. The rest, including herself, were thrown immediately into battle.

She just felt small and defenceless, despite being the largest and strongest out of everyone around her- although, maybe she wasn’t the strongest anymore.

Maybe she never truely was.

“Fuck off and leave me alone. I don’t have to answer your dumb questions.”

She didn’t want them to know that she was frustrated because she couldn’t understand how someone could care about defects.  
Why they were making so many excuses for her. Treating her as if she wasn’t the scum she was.

She had never understood how Rose could want to protect this husk of a planet, but now she feels like she’s supposed to understand.

Like she’s stupid for not understanding. She wants to blame everything on her disconnection to her gem, to blame everything on the Crystal Gems. She knows it’s true, but she doesn’t want to admit she’s defective, but if she’s defective, shouldn’t she be able to understand? These gems were defects too. Not being able to understand was more frustrating than anything else for her.

Is there something worse than being defective? If there was, she was it.

“You don’t have to talk about it.” Jasper looked over at Steven, who was sitting on the couch next to her leg.

“What?”

“You have no obligation to talk to us about your feelings, Jasper.” Pearl sounded almost dismissive, but somehow genuine at the same time.

“Good, I don’t want to report to any of you.”

They left her alone. After her initial anger wore off, she felt... light somehow. She didn’t want to report her thoughts to them, and they weren’t forcing her to.

She was so used to having to report every little thing to her Agate, but now she didn’t have to report anything.

It felt almost... liberating. Is that how these gems felt?

Jasper looked tiredly over to the kitchen. 

These three gems were cooking with Steven. Pearl was chaotic, yelling at Amethyst for sitting on the bench eating the left over ingredients. Steven was laughing at Amethyst, as he stood on his tippy toes, stirring ingredients together in a bowl. Garnet was adjusting the temperature on the oven, probably using her future vision to set it to the perfect temperature.

Their behaviour was unorthodox.

Amethyst’s behaviour was pretty much expected as a Quartz, but Pearl was being frantic, and telling Amethyst off. Not anything a Pearl would usually do. A fusion had no place in Homeworld, so Jasper tried to base her expectations of Garnet off of her expectations for a Sapphire and a Ruby, but would that mean she expects Garnet to tell the future and protect herself?

Jasper wouldn’t expect any of these gems to be doing whatever they were doing for this human. Sure he’s only half human, but he’s also half gem. 

Jasper figured they catered to his human needs out of the fact that his human half compromised his gem half, but this activity didn’t seem like a need.

“Can I assist?” Pearl stopped fussing over Amethyst, and turned to face Jasper.

“You want to help us bake a cake with Steven?”

Jasper stood up. She roughly gripped her hair into her fist. She used her other hand to wrap it around her fist, pulling it through the loop. She had watched Amethyst tie her hair into a knot like this many times, but this was the first time she had done it herself.

Amethyst shot Jasper a knowing smile. She was sure Jasper picked up that trick from her.

Jasper wanted to curl her lip and snarl at the Runt, but looked away in a huff instead. Her arms dropped to her sides.

She looked over to Garnet, who was leaning against the oven with her arms crossed. “If you tell me what I can do, I’ll listen.”

Garnet shrugged. “It’s up to Steven. Ask him.”

Jasper brushed the hair out of her face. “What can I do, Roven?”

Steven smiled up at Jasper. “Here! Grab this bowl. You can do the mixing!”

Jasper held the bowl in one hand, she curled her arm around it and rested the bowl against her chest so that it was stable.

She stool awkwardly as Steven put a large spoon in her hand, and jumped onto the beach.

Pearl kept giving Jasper side glances, until Amethyst cracked an egg onto her arm. “AMETHYST. WHY DID YOU DO THAT.” Pearl groaned as she lifted her arm. Amethyst was laughing loudly, before she chucked the egg shells into her mouth. “It’s so slimy, and all over my arm. This is almost as bad when you kept bursting those robots onto us all.”

“Awe yeah, P wanting another goop hug- but this time a yolk hug.”

Pearl took a step back, the egg sliding off of her arm onto the bench. “No! Don’t you dare!” She took a few steps back, before Amethyst jumped off of the bench towards her.

Jasper raised an eyebrow as Amethyst was chasing Pearl, an egg carton in her arms. She felt small hands on her hand, that was still tightly holding onto the spoon.

The hands guided the spoon into the mixture into the bowl. “Okay, so you’ve gotta stir it around.”

“How?”

Steven’s hands gently pushed Jasper’s in a circular motion. “So you stir in circles. Trying to mix everything all together. You have to mix it all so there’s no lumps, although I don’t mind if there’s some lumps.”

Steven pulled his hands away, as Jasper stirred the mixture. She didn’t want to go too fast, since it would make a mess, and she has to manually clean herself now.

Jasper sped up the stirring, but didn’t spill anything out of the metal bowl.

“I don’t like the noise.”

Steven laughed. “Yeah. It would be worse if we used a metal spoon.”

Jasper shivered. She had never liked the sound of metal on metal. She had avoided the engine rooms of ships as much as she could. She didn’t mind the quiet clinking, but the scraping made her shiver.

She hummed for a moment. “I... I’m glad you didn’t use a metal spoon.” She dragged out the o’s in the word- a word she had never heard before tonight.

“That’s all mixed! Let’s pour it into the tray!”

Garnet placed a square metal cake tray on the bench in front of them. It was already lined with baking paper.

Steven helped Jasper pour the batter into the tin. He was going a lot slower than usual, trying to make sure Jasper’s first time helping bake a cake went as nicely and as neat as possible.

He began to speak, as he helped Jasper tilt the bowl. 

“Once the cake is baked, you should help with the frosting! I have this sachet of some yummy frosting mixture left over from another cake mix I bought, that AMETHYST ate the mix from.”

Amethyst shrugged as she ate an egg from the carton. “Chill, that was like a week ago.”

Pearl was in the bathroom, cleaning off the egg from her arm. Jasper wondered if she was talking to Peridot, who was living in the bath, while she was washing the egg off her arm.

Jasper had gotten distracted by the other gems, she didn’t realise he had began to slowly pull the bowl to the side of the tin, almost pouring the batter onto the bench.

“Woah, careful!” She felt the small hands on hers again, pushing the bowl back to above the centre of the tin.

She shook her head. She had lost focus again.

Steven smiled like it was no big deal, as he began to use the spoon to scrape the last of the batter out of the bowl.

Jasper watched Garnet put the tin into the oven, as Steven walked over to Amethyst, offering to share the batter with her.

He had offered to share with Jasper first, but she declined. She felt funny when he asked. She didn’t realise that the feeling was that she was touched by the small gesture.

Pearl held a hand to her chest, her palm facing away from her, and grimaced as she watched Steven and Amethyst lick the remaining cake batter from the bowl. They fought over who got to lick the spoon.

Jasper stood across from the oven, her back to the others, as she watched the ‘cake’ slowly bake.

After a few minutes, she felt a hand on her shoulder that almost made her jump. It was Garnet.

“You’re doing a good job.”

Jasper grunted. “Mixing organic material in a circular container isn’t that hard.”

Garnet smiled, and removed her visor.

Jasper frowned. Garnet rarely removed her visor, and it somehow made Jasper feel both uneasy and almost serene.

Garnet turned to face the oven with Jasper. She leant her shoulder against Jasper’s arm. “I wasn’t talking about the cake.”

Jasper closed her eyes, and grinned to herself. ‘I’m doing a good job?’ She sighed, it felt relieving.


	14. Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 3: Pull Forward, Push Back
> 
> Steven takes Jasper to a part of the Temple she had never seen, or heard about before.

Steven and Jasper were left alone while the others were on a mission. After her attempt at the last mission with Garnet failed, Jasper felt discouraged.

She didn’t think she was ready, and acknowledging her limitations instead of trying to ascend expectations was a new feeling. She didn’t like it.

Steven was assigned ‘babysitter’. After baking the cake last night, Jasper didn’t sleep. She sat and watched the fire die down, and then the embers burn out. 

She knew that the Crystal Gems weren’t being as careless with her as she had been perceiving. Their methods were unorthodox, and she had let herself believe that had meant they were underestimating her. But they weren’t. They knew what she was capable of.

They were trying to let her figure out her new form, and new limitations, but also were making sure they were safe.

Jasper had come to the conclusion that the Crystal Gems were more about protecting their ‘family’ than about imprisoning her.

They wanted to make sure they didn’t hurt them, but they also wanted to help her ‘heal emotionally’, whatever they thought that meant.

Jasper felt so torn between what she knew was right, and what she was seeing in front of her. These Crystal Gems, they feel so different to her now. In some ways, they seemed... more real than anything she had ever felt.

She had to remind herself that they were traitors. Sure Jasper would bend the rules, but she still served the Authority.

As she had looked down at the small human child she had rested on her leg, she wondered what other deviations this planet could produce. She had pushed Steven off of her leg before he woke up.

Now, Jasper stood on the porch, thoughtlessly staring out at the ocean. Today it didn’t fill her with fear, or suffocated her with memories. Today it was just something nice to look at.

She jumped when she felt a small hand touch her own.

“What do you want, Roven?”

Steven looked nervous, like he was debating himself inside his head. Jasper wanted to snap at him to spit it out, but she had battled the halves in her mind too often lately. Might as well let someone else do it for a change.

Steven eventually took a deep breath in, and sighed it out. “I did something a while ago, that kind of helped me see something clearer. It didn’t fix anything, but it helped.”

Jasper scoffed. “So?”

“I was wondering if you would like to do the same thing.”

Jasper turned her head, and looked down at the sand. “Why would something that helped someone as feeble and insignificant as you, be able to-“ she closed her eyes and sighed. Her taunting antics were of no use to her now. They weren’t even making her feel better. “Fine. But if I don’t like it, I’m not going to do it.”

“That’s okay. If you need to stop, just tell me.”

Steven lead Jasper by the hand to the temple door. 

“You’re taking me to the basement?”

Steven hushed Jasper. “No. Just wait and see. Trust me.”

Jasper grunted impatiently. She wanted to be unimpressed by the human’s behaviour, but she couldn’t help but admit to herself that she was intrigued in finding out the kid’s motive.

“Uhh. Temple? Please open the door.”

Nothing.

Jasper felt an itching urge to be smug. “Impressive. I think can see how this mission will heal my mental scars.”

It’s not lying if it’s sarcasm, right?

Steven groaned. “Look, my powers are... touchy at the best of times. But if it works, then it’ll work.”

“Inspiring.”

Steven ignored Jasper. “Temple!” He bent his knees and exaggeratedly pointed to the door. “I command you to open.”

He sunk to his knees, and groaned into his arms at the lack of response. “Come on! You worked last time!” He looked up at Jasper. “I was really hoping this would work, so that I could help you see something, or maybe even someone, you miss-“

He stopped talking as the temple door made a noise. The image of the pink gem glowed as the door began to light up to reveal a room behind it.

“Wow, I guess it only works if I’m being emotional...” his optimistic smile turned to a tired one “Steven Universe, half gem, half human, greatest superpower: emotions.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow.

Steven stood up, and lead Jasper into the room. She hesitantly stepped forward, having to duck her head slightly to fit through the doorway without scraping a horn.

“This was my mum’s room. It makes anything I ask for, out of the clouds.”

She took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the new room. When she turned around, the door she had just come through had disappeared.

The idea that this was a trap crossed her mind for a mere second. Jasper had noted that the human gem was bad at hiding plans, and if it was a trap, he wouldn’t be looking so... shy?

Plus, if it was a trap, the others would be here.

“It’s very.... pink.” Steven was about to ask Jasper if she was okay with the room, when she quickly spoke. “How does this work?”

“I don’t overly know. I just know it only works when I ask something. I guess because of my gem.”

“Show me.”

“What?”

“Make the room do something. Show me.”

“Uhh, okay. Room. Show me... um-“ Steven looked around the room and said the first think that came to mind. “Jasper?”

Jasper took a step back as the soft pink clouds began to gently float towards a point in front of her. They began to circle each other, before changing colour, and settling on a form.

It was her- but not as she was now. It was how she was when her and Steven had first met. Her cloud reflection stood with her arms crossed, fabric draped over her shoulders, and a displeased look carved into her face. 

When the clouds made eye-contact with her, she lifted her arms up in defence and summoned her helmet.

“Hey, it’s okay. She’s just clouds.”

Jasper looked down at Steven and nervously chuckled. “I mean, yeah, I knew that.” She rolled her eyes, that’s not why she reacted like that. “She looks like she would kill me.”

“I would kill you.”

Jasper jumped at the sound of her own voice.

“What the fuck?”

“Oh yeah, the clouds can also talk.”

Jasper maintained her distance. “You could have fucking warned me, kid.” She quickly looked away before looking back at her cloud reflection. 

She wondered where she picked up calling him kid from.

“Uh, I can see you’re a little uncomfortable. I can make her go away, and then we ca-“

“Of course I make her uncomfortable. Look at her. She’s a disgrace. I’m everything she used to be. I’m the perfect soldier. She’s just a joke.”

“Hey-“ Steven went to push the clouds back, so that he could dissipate them into their softer, pinker selves, but the cloud Jasper dodged his attempts, and slowly made its way towards the gem it was imitating.

“Look at what you did to me. You absolutely ruined my perfect form. You used to be worth something. Look at you now. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

“No she shouldn’t! She’s made so much progress-“

“You’re following Rose now? Of course you are- you’re letting this planet ruin yourself, just like it ruins everything else.”

Jasper remained silent, her helmet drawn. Ready to fight this assembly of clouds if it made an attempt to attack her.

“Besides, don’t you remember?” Some of the clouds started to recolour themselves, to show her corruption quickly spreading across her form. The cloud pointed towards Jasper’s gem. “Doesn’t everyone get what they deserve?”

“STOP!” Steven stood between Jasper and the cloud version of herself.

The cloud obeyed Steven’s command. It stiffened its pose to stand at attention, eyes staring blankly forward. The green colouring didn’t retreat, but it didn’t continue to spread either.

Jasper was breathing heavily behind Steven.

“There is no need to be so mean!” The cloud Jasper didn’t move, it’s expression looked as if it was disassociating.

The only nice Jasper, is a silent Jasper.

Steven pushed the clouds in front of him. Jasper heard an odd noise as the clouds returned to their previous form. He turned to face her, looking almost scared.

“I’m really sorry for that. This room- I don’t really understand it. When I went here to see- uh-“ Steven looked away, closing his eyes “well, last time it just showed me what I wanted to see.”

Jasper frowned. “You want me to be degrading?”

Steven shook his head. “No! It just, I guess it also shows what I expect... I mean, it’s what I thought of you when we first met... it’s not like-”

Jasper crossed her arms, looking at the cloud reflection of herself. She cut Steven off. “Stop trying to defend yourself. You don’t need to. I know what I’m like.”

“But you’re not like that anymore.”

Jasper scoffed. She knew she wasn’t like when they first met, but she thought she was much worse now.

“It’s probably a good thing this room is tuned to your gem. I don’t want to know what it would be like if these clouds tapped into mine.”

As Jasper stood with her arms crossed, examining the clouds from afar. He brought her here for a reason. “What did you want to do here? I assume this isn’t it.”

Steven modded. “Is there anyone you want to see?” Jasper was taken back by the question. 

“I can make the room make anyone, or anything. If there’s someone you miss from home, I can try and get the room to show you them, but-“

Jasper didn’t hesitate to cut Steven off. “I want to see... My Diamond.”

Steven looked away nervously. “I uh, I don’t really know what she looked like, or sounded like. Even if I make the clouds make her- it might not be anything like her... I was trying to say it might not be perfect, or the same at all.”

Jasper just shrugged.

“You know, now that I think about it, maybe this wasn’t the best idea. I didn’t really think all of this through.”

Jasper rolled her eyes. “Great job.” Jasper turned around to walk off, forgetting that the door had disappeared.

She placed her hands out in front of her, expecting to find a hidden barrier, but after a few steps, she realised that wasn’t the case.

“How do I leave?”

Steven quickly ran up in front of her. “Hey, look, we can still try. It just might not work.”

Jasper grunted. “If you don’t think it’ll work, why bother?”

Steven crossed his arms. “That’s not the kind of attitude I would expect from you.”

He smiled up at Jasper, and she scoffed down at him. He had a point, and he knew it.

“Fine. Let’s try. But then I’m leaving... when I figure out how.”

Steven smiled. “Let’s give this a try! Room, please show me Pink Diamond.”

The clouds began to swirl together, this time it felt more daunting. Their size grew, and their hue began to darken.

The clouds depicted a familiar sight. They had taken the form of the mural Steven had seen on the moon base. The clouds towered over them.

Steven had only seen Yellow and Blue Diamond. The depiction of the mural grew to their size.

The clouds creaked like metal when they moved.

“Jasper.” The voice boomed through the room. It was high pitched, and unimpressed. 

The tone reminded Steven of when Pearl would get angry at Amethyst for leaving the kitchen a mess after making herself some food... or just when Amethyst would make a mess for whatever reason.

Jasper stood at attention, and crossed her arms in front of her: the diamond salute.

“Why aren’t you where you’re supposed to be, doing what you’re supposed to do?”

Jasper didn’t respond. The clouds sighed impatiently.

“You’re with a human? You might as well take it to the Human Zoo.” Pink Diamond’s mural arm creaked when she waved a dismissing hand. “Hurry up, I have more important things to attend to.”

Jasper looked down at Steven out the corner of her eye. He shrugged awkwardly, and mouthed “I don’t know.”

Jasper wasn’t breathing.

Steven thought back to when he had seen Blue and Yellow Diamond in the room with all the bubbled Rose Quartzes.

Suddenly, the cloud Diamond stood up straight. Her hands linked behind her back, her head tilted up, eyes looking down on the two smaller forms.

“What do you want?”

Jasper stood in her rigid pose, her voice sounding confident and controlled. “I don’t know.”

The cloud’s form snarled. “You dare be in my presence and not voice your intent! How can I trust you? I’ve been shattered before, it wouldn’t be a stretch for it to happen again.”

Jasper continued to stand like a loyal soldier addressing her superior. “I am forever loyal to My Diamond.”

The laugh that filled the room was sinister. “You were meant to be my soldier. I created you to work for me, and instead, you fail me. I wanted to destroy this planet, and instead, I was the one destroyed!”

Jasper continued to hold her hands in the diamond salute, until she couldn’t take it anymore. She sunk to her knees and placed her hands over her ears. She was gasping for air.

She was ashamed in what she was doing, it wasn’t real, but how dare she act so cowardly in the presence of a Diamond.

She would never behave this way in front of a real Diamond, not before her corruption. She would never have allowed herself; she has let herself get weak.

“STOP IT!” The clouds obeyed Steven’s command again. The form reverted to the pose of Diamond mural on the moon.

Steven quickly ran forward, waving his arms in front of him. The familiar noise of the clouds releasing their form filled the room, before the clouds went back to calmly floating around the room.

“Jasper, it’s okay. She’s gone. I made her go away.” Jasper squeezed her eyes shut. “Just try to breathe, okay?”

Steven began to coach Jasper through breathing, which made her feel stupid, but she listened regardless. She tried to breathe in when he told her, and breathe out.

When she had her breathing under control, she felt small hands on the back of her head. Was he rubbing her head?

Steven ran his hands though Jasper’s hair, trying to calm her down. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re a really good soldier.”

Jasper breathed out a slight chuckle. She pushed herself into a sitting position. She was still taller than Steve, even when she was sitting on her feet. 

She felt like she was shaking. “Yeah?”

Steven took a little step back. Jasper could tell it wasn’t out of fear. Was he trying to give her room? It felt weird for sometime to be considerate towards her, and for her to actually appreciate it.

“Yeah! You’re super good at fighting. We spent ages trying to beat you, and in the end, we could only beat you because... well... I guess because you bet yourself? We wouldn’t have been able to beat you.”

Jasper gently shook her head, and repeated words she had heard many times. “If you want something done right, you just do it by yourself.”

“You sound like Holly Blue.”

Jasper hummed as she pushed her legs in front of her. She stretched them as she continued to sit. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone told me I act like an Agate...”

Steven reached a hand between them, offering to help Jasper up. She raised her eyebrow at the gesture- even if she did take his hand, she doubted he would be able to help her up.

She looked around. “Is it okay if we stay here for a while? This room is kind of... tolerable.”

Steven smiled, letting his hand fall to his side. “Sure! I haven’t really sat down and had a quiet moment in here before...” He trailed off as he sat down next to Jasper.

It was a while before Steven decided to speak. “Was the cloud her anything like the real her?”

Jasper didn’t answer straight away. “You... seem more trustworthy than I initially thought. I’ll answer, under the condition that you don’t tell the others, or anyone, ever.”

Steven nervously nodded. “Uh, sure!” He was more worried about why Jasper was being so cryptic, rather than having to keep a secret.

“I wouldn’t know.”

“What?”

“If the clouds were accurate... I never met My Diamond.”

Steven frowned. “You didn’t?”

Jasper shrugged. “My unit was one of the first to emerge. My kindergarten- you’ve seen how disgraceful it was. The conditions made gems emerge too early; incomplete. While the offical records indicate otherwise, I emerged much later than a lot of my Unit. That meant I was in the ground for the right amount of time.”

Jasper crossed her legs in front of her, leaning forward to gently scratch at her boot.

“My kindergarten was created shortly before...” Jasper restarted her sentence. “I emerged after My Diamond was...” She shook her head, unable to finish her sentences, but sure the child knew what she was trying to say. “I was too late.”

Steven placed a hand on the spot on Jasper’s arm, letting himself take a few moments to respond.

“Jasper... I’m sorry. I know what it feels like, to have never met the gem that created you. To wonder what she was like...”

Jasper looked down at Steven, as he continued to speak.

“To always hear about her through other people’s eyes, but always knowing that you’ll never get to know for yourself. You miss her, even though you never met her.” 

He began to tear up. 

“Sometimes I feel silly, I know I’m here because she wanted me to be. But now she’s gone, and I’ll never meet her. Sometimes I wonder if I even want to...”

Jasper gently placed a hand on his head, making sure not to apply any pressure.

Steven began to laugh through his tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get like this.” He took his hand away from Jasper, and wiped his eyes.

She made no effort to respond. Even if she wanted to, she didn’t know what to say. Instead, the two sat in silence, as they watched the pink clouds float lazily around them.

When they eventually left the room, Jasper sat down and wrapped herself up in her blanket. She didn’t feel the need to sleep, but it brought her comfort.

The others weren’t back from their mission yet. “How long does it usually take for their ‘retrieval’ missions.”

Steven just shrugged. “It’s different every time.”

Jasper grunted.

She watched Steven bring out paper and begin to draw pictures on them. From the angle she was looking at the paper, she couldn’t see what he was drawing, but it was soothing to trace the pencils with her eyes.

“I know it’s hard at times, but it’s helpful to try and be kind to yourself. Sometimes your mind tells you mean things, but you don’t have to believe it.”

“What?”

“It’s important to be kind to yourself. Instead of listening to the thoughts that put you down, try to think good things. Like how you’re got at fighting.”

“I haven’t been that great at it lately.”

“So? You’re still really good! This is what I’m talking about, don’t listen to yourself saying how you haven’t been great lately. Tell yourself you’re not going to take it, remind yourself about how great you are.”

Jasper cocked her head to the side. “Do you even believe what you’re saying?”

Steven looked up from his drawing. “I think you have the potential to be awesome, I just think you do things for the wrong reasons. If you stop being a bully, and started caring more....”

“I care a lot. I just don’t need to prove it to you. Or care about the same things you do.”

Steven smiled. “You don’t have to care about the same things I do, but maybe, we could care about something together.”

Jasper grunted. Steven noted that she didn’t say no.

Jasper watched him going back to his drawings. She had an itching feeling to reassure herself that she couldn’t ignore.

“I don’t want to make a habit of this, but I’m asking you Roven, please don’t tell the others what you saw in there.”

Steven didn’t stop drawing. He knew sometimes Jasper got annoyed when he would put all his attention onto her, and he had just done that. Doing it again would be a risk.

“I didn’t tell them when I went in there alone. I’m not going to tell them that I took you there.”

Jasper was confused. “Why would you tell me, but not them?”

“I don’t tell them everything. Some things are... I only told you because I thought I could help. If it wasn’t for that, I would have kept it to myself.”

Jasper continued to watch Steven draw. After a few minutes, she began to focus less on what she was looking at, and more on what she was thinking.

She was taking his advice.

‘You did a good job today. You had one of your... emotion things... but you calmed down, and no one got hurt. You still feel off from it, but you did good. You didn’t hurt anyone, and that’s good.’

She didn’t turn her head as she heard the warp pad activate.

“What’ve you two trouble makers gotten yourselves into while we were gone.”

Jasper tuned Steven out, as he began to tell the Runt that he was drawing something called a ‘band’. Jasper remembered him saying recently that he helped some humans start one, although she wasn’t sure what a ‘band’ was.

“You look like you’re having fun, Jasper.”

Jasper looked up at Garnet, the visor reflecting her face. “I wouldn’t exactly call this fun, but it’s not bad.”

‘Not bad. Good. You did good today... I did good.’


	15. Just a Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 3: Pull Forward, Push Back
> 
> Garnet invites Jasper to go out for a private conversation, after an incident causes a bit of tension in the temple.

Boardgames were another Earthly distraction Jasper had learnt to tolerate. She preferred the card games, but she was banned from them for a while.

Steven had introduced her to a game called “Snap”. She had misinterpreted how hard you were meant to slam your hand over the cards when two in a row were put down. She almost broke Steven’s arm, and did break the table.

It was decided she was completely banned from Snap, and that card games were off limits for a while; as a punishment.

Jasper had groaned, but it was a minuscule issue. She was more interested in the fact that the pink earthling had returned. The human companion had been making more appearances since then too.

While Connie and Steven were sitting on the couch, Jasper was on the floor. Lion asleep next to her. Pearl was ‘supervising’ from a stool near the kitchen.

After the first couple games, Amethyst had emerged from her room, stretching her back until it popped. She was given an invitation to join in, but after she stared at Jasper for a few moments, she declined. “Nah, I’d rather annoy Pearl.”

An annoyed grunt was all Amethyst got in response. Jasper found it entertaining- even the Crystal Gems got sick of each other.

“I understand why this game would involve your little piece going up this ‘ladder’ device, if that’s what you Earthlings use it for, but if this organic creature doesn’t assist you in getting from higher places to lower places, why does it make you on this board?”

The humans shrugged. Steven crossed his arms and began to mumble to himself. “I bet it’s because they don’t have any arms.”

Jasper was taken back by the comment. “What in the actual f-“

“Yoooo Connie.” Amethyst cut Jasper off. Probably for the best.

Jasper watched the human companion look up from the board. “Yes, Amethyst?”

“Did I tell you while we were in the Zoo, we found out some stuff about Jasper.”

Jasper just groaned. “Do you have to talk about this?”

Pearl gave Jasper a sympathetic look. “Unfortunately, I’ve learnt over the years that humans are just as gossipy as Quartzes.”

Jasper rolled her eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Anyways, we found out Jasper used to be cool, like me.”

Connie smiled. “Cool?”

“She used to have a sense of humour, and actually had fun.”

“I’d have to see it to believe it.” Connie giggled as she spoke, but quickly looked nervous. “Uh- no offence Jasper.”

Jasper snorted. “I refuse to take offence from you, human.”

Steven gave an exaggerated shrug along with a nervous smile, as Connie looked at him. “So... gems on Homeworld like Jasper? They think she’s... fun?”

“Apparently so.”

Jasper looked at Amethyst, unimpressed with her response. “A lot of gems respect me, and are honoured to meet me. I wouldn’t say I’m liked- not on an interpersonal level... Just respected, and looked up to by some.” Her eyes focused on the dice as Amethyst lazily rolled it in front of her. “Liked and fun, aren’t the right words to describe me.”

“Dude, your friend called you cute.”

“Wait, really?!” Connie looked almost excited. “ooOo. Someone has a crush on Jasper.” Connie and Steven giggled, but Jasper just rolled her eyes.

“Chip is a fucking idiot.” Jasper rolled the dice, and moved her piece three squares forward. A snake. She picked it up and placed it at the bottom of the snake, instead of sliding it down. “She’s been hit in the gem too many times.”

“You mean like when you threw the boulders at her?”

Jasper flicked the spare character token off of the table, as she mumbled to herself. “She started it.”

As they continued to play, Jasper removed herself from the conversation. This game had no skill in it, it was a mindless waste of time.

Her spare hand found its way to Lion’s mane, and began to gently stroke it without her realising it.

She lost the game.

She also lost the next game.

Jasper got sick of it. She can, sort of, accept losing a strategic game- if someone else has a better strategy than her, then fine. But this game has no strategy, it’s just luck. Pointless.

She sat out on the next game. She grunted and leant back onto her elbows, as Lion made his way into her lap.

She threw her head back and groaned, as Lion rested his head on her chest. “Why are you like this?”

“He likes you!” Steven sounded genuinely excited.

She narrowed her eyes at no one in particular. “He is messing with me.” They all laughed, Jasper shook her head with a slight smile. 

Jasper just accepted her fate, and laid back completely. Lion curled his head to the side. She laid there with her arms spread wide, while the other’s continued to play the board games.

Jasper had her eyes closed for a while, draining out the noise was easier with her eyes closed. When she opened them, she looked over to see Pearl staring at her.

Pearl quickly looked away, looking embarrassed at being caught. Before Jasper could say something, Amethyst poked her knee. “Hey, what was that stuff she said you lied about?”

Jasper didn’t lift her head to look at Amethyst. She didn’t want to disturb Lion. “What?”

“Your friend! She said you lied about stuff.”

“Oh, that.” Jasper thought for a second, deciding whether she should tell them. They were just engaging in a casual conversation- surely talking about something like this wouldn’t be betraying Homeworld any more than she already was. 

Besides, maybe having casual conversations with these gems/humans is part of that ‘self growth’ thing that these gems seemed so enthusiastic on her doing.

“When she emerged, her gem cut was the wrong shape, and that effected her form. She’s defective really. Too red, got a chip in her tooth-“

“Is that why you call her Chip?”

Jasper narrowed her eyes at Connie. Connie was worried that she had annoyed Jasper by interrupting her, but Jasper was just surprised a human could figure anything out.

“That’s correct... It used to be a joke that I punched her so hard in the face, that I permanently damaged her physical form.”

Amethyst laughed so loud she snorted.

Connie looked surprised. “That sounds... pretty normal? Kids at my school make similar jokes when they break one of their bones.”

“If she’s defective, why do you like her?” The human made a good point.

“The war was a different time. Defective gems were allowed to fight, and if they survived, they were virtually exiled to work on The Zoo station.”

The question was avoided, and Jasper was not discreet about it. She didn’t want to be asked again, so she zoned out as the others continued the discussion.

The weight of Lion on her felt relaxing, like her form was being squashed back into place. It was comforting.

When she had first met Lion, she felt like he was constantly judging her. That his silence was his way of analysing her- like what she had been doing to the Crystal Gem’s at first. 

She felt like she was losing grip of everything she used to be like, but she didn’t feel as angry about it as she felt like she should be. Just ashamed. She’s not even taking it out on the Crystal Gems, or herself... maybe she should.

“Jasper.”

Her eyes snapped open, she instinctively grabbed Garnet’s ankle and pulled it out from underneath her. Jasper pinned Garnet down with the full weight of her body.

Jasper’s teeth felt sharp, her fingernails had turned into claws. She could feel her pupils shrink as she breathed through gritted teeth. She wanted to tear into the physical form of the gem beneath her. 

With her teeth, with her hands, she couldn’t decide. She just knew she didn’t want her helmet. She wanted to feel the rush of war again.

Garnet laid there, unphased, as Jasper heard the flash of a weapon being summoned. She lifted her head up to the noise, and her eyes met with the tip of a spear.

She blinked a few times, and quickly snapped herself back. She didn’t unclench her jaw.

She could tell that while Pearl had leapt to Garnets defence, she was being cautious of Jasper’s gem. How unlike her.

Jasper pushed herself off of Garnet in frustration. How desperately she wanted to try and tear her form in half. She wished for a simpler time where she didn’t have inner conflicts stopping her from a fight with a traitor.

She bit down on her hand as she turned away. Jasper tried not to listen to the argument. She had crawled into her corner next to the couch and had grabbed her blanket. She began to scratch into it as she closed her eyes.

“Stand down, Pearl.”

“W-what?! SHE JUST ATTACKED YOU!”

Jasper let a claw on her corrupted hand scratch into the blanket so that it actually tore.

“She is a soldier.”

If she continued to scratch into the blanket, it would stop the desire to scratch into a form, to rip her own form open so that thick light would poor out.

“She was laying down, and attacked you out of the blue. She just showed that she is capable of going from 0 to 100, for no reason, at any point! AND YOU’RE EXCUSING HER BEHAVIOUR?”

Jasper still had her hand in her mouth. She bit down on it harder.

“We’re all capable of that, Pearl. Every single one of us. I startled her, and yes, she jumped onto me. The important thing is that she restrained herself.”

Jasper felt a now familiar weight lean against her legs. She didn’t move as Lion began to gently headbutt her leg. 

She figured he was trying to get her to move her legs so he could lay in his lap- was he trying to comfort her? She pulled her legs closer to her chest.

Her mind was racing. Her thoughts were a mix between her own, and echos of memories of her Agate back on Homeworld.

‘I’m in trouble. I did bad. She’s going to hurt me. I’m in trouble. Quartzes need to behave. This behaviour is ridiculous. How dare you step out of line! Do you want to be punished? I am not afraid to send another batch of you miserable off colours to be shattered, or harvested. Is that what you filthy veins of Quartz want? You are a disgrace to your Diamond, and I am going to enjoy making sure you know that.’

Her eyes were still squeezed shut. She hadn’t realised that she had stopped biting herself, and had begun to wrap the now torn blanket over her upper body.

She was hiding like a coward.

She opened her eyes as she felt the blanket being gently unwrapped from her body. She didn’t apologise, but she didn’t need to, even if she wanted to.

It was clear that she was ashamed in what had just happened. It was written all over her gem.

Garnet took a step back, Jasper’s ruined blanket in her arms. She walked over to the kitchen, and Jasper felt a sting through her form as she watched Garnet drop it into the bin.

“Are you okay, Jasper?” Connie’s eyes were on Jasper’s hand. She looked down at where the human was looking, and saw gleams of light where her teeth had been.

“Don’t speak to me, Human.” Jasper felt like she was almost barking out her words.

She wiped the light from her hand on her leg, it glowed there for a moment, before dimming to leave a smear of blood.

“Jasper. I think you should come with me. Jasper spun around to look at Garnet, who was standing on the warp pad, motioning her to follow.

Jasper’s form felt like it was flickering- Jasper was bad. She deserves to face the consequences.

She grunted as she pulled herself up. She stared at the floor. She had only seen Pearl and the human’s reactions to what she had done to Garnet, and she wasn’t interested in finding out what anyone else thought.

Jasper walked past Pearl in silence, who still had her weapon summoned. She didn’t make eye contact as she stepped onto the warp pad.

Jasper looked down at the pad beneath her feet as Garnet activated it. She didn’t look up when her feet touched touched the unfamiliar pad. They both stood on the warp pad in silence for a minute.

“Follow me.” Jasper obeyed. She kept her eyes on Garnet, but was paying attention to her surroundings.

It seemed like she had taken her to some sort of Homeworld structure- but Jasper was pretty sure they were still on Earth.

“Hmmm.” Jasper hadn’t even done anything since stepping off the warp. Why did Garnet sound so unimpressed?

“Why are you being a-“ Garnet put her hand up in front of Jasper, motioning for her to stop talking. Jasper slapped her hand out of the way.

“I was busy focusing on how to approach this, that I wasn’t focusing on where. I had forgotten the state the ruins were in.”

“What’s wrong with the-“ Jasper cut herself off when she saw the arena before her. 

It was clearly unfinished to begin with, but this place looked trashed. There was stone coming off of the edges, places that would have been seating to watch recreational battles had chunks missing, there was a large dent in ground.

Garnet stood with her hands on her hips. “We have been busy with other stuff... Including you. This hasn’t been a priority.”

“Why bring me to a shitty place? Figure you might as well take me somewhere you’ve already broken so I don’t break anything important?” Garnet didn’t respond. “Figured as much. I’m not worth anything unbroken.” Jasper grunted at herself.

“What just happened isn’t why I brought you here, but it have a good opportunity to get you away from the temple without being questioned by the others. These comments that you seem to regret making instantly, is why I brought you here.”

When Jasper didn’t make an attempt to talk, Garnet continued for her. “It’s clearly a side effect of your disconnection- although I do believe it is getting better.”

“You think me saying stupid shit is me getting better?”

“What you’re saying isn’t stupid- I assume it is just a lack of filter. You think these things, some of them probably for years, and now they’re slipping out.”

“How is this better?”

“It is better than you being silent and unresponsive for days at a time.”

“How do you know I wasn’t doing that on purpose?” 

“I suppose I don’t.”

Garnet walked down the steps of the ruins, and found somewhere to sit. She sat with her legs crossed. The interlocked her fingers, and put her thumbs up to rest together.

Jasper followed her. She stood in front of Garnet, crossing her arms. She curled a lip. “Why did you bring me here? How are you going to punish me?”

“I wanted to talk, like this. Just us.” Garnet didn’t seem to move at all. “No punishment.”

“Why?” Jasper sounded irritated.

“I haven’t had much time alone with you, since our attempt to track down that corrupted gem.”

“Who says I want alone time with you, Fusion.”

Garnet crossed her arms. Jasper looked away- she felt guilty?

‘She is a fusion, there’s no denying that. Why feel bad for calling her what she is?’

The word fusion left a bad taste in Jasper’s mouth. Her views on fusion wasn’t the same as it used to be, but the word stung. Like a deep wound in her form, being reopened before it could finish healing.

Garnet’s arms remained crossed. “Your main problem with me is that I am a fusion, and that you lost a fight with me. Maybe that was your main problem with me, but isn’t anymore.”

Jasper wanted her to shut up. “Get out of my gem.”

“I’m not in your gem.”

“Stop using your Sapphire’s ability then.”

“Jasper... I am not using my future vision. Please refer to it as future vision.”

“Why should I?” Jasper scoffed. “You can’t make me.”

Garnets arms uncrossed, and her hands touched; going back to where they had been moments earlier. “It is a personal preference. I’m allowed to have those, and so are you.”

“Why did you bring me here? Why aren’t you scolding me for what I did?”

“You ask too many questions.” It should have felt like a judgement, but Garnet had a way of making her words sounds like observations instead of opinions.

It annoyed Jasper.

“Maybe you don’t ask enough!” Jasper gritted her teeth. Had she ever heard Garnet ask a question? She felt angry. “Tell me why you wanted me here. You got me away from the others, from witnesses, and now I’m here in this shitty broken whatever-this-was. What do you want with me? What are you going to do to me?” Jasper’s voice felt strained as she yelled.

“I told you, I just want to talk.”

“About what?” Garnet just shrugged. Jasper rolled her eyes. She stopped yelling, but her words still felt bitter. 

“This is one of those ‘you decide’ things, isn’t it? Trying to get me to do whatever the fuck you guys do” Jasper began to wave her arms around “as some sort of liberation from my engraved programming. Well fuck this.”

Jasper turned away from Garnet. She could of easily walked past her and gone back to the warp pad- but she didn’t. She just kicked a large chunk of whatever this place was made of.

It didn’t make her feel better.

“You deserve more emotional freedom.” Jasper just scoffed. Garnet sighed “I’ve been meaning to do this for the last few days, but I must admit my mind as been elsewhere...”

Garnet looked over to Jasper, who was quickly loosing focus. “That’s not important. I’m giving you the opportunity to talk about stuff you keep to yourself. I took you away from the others, so you don’t feel put off by them.”

Jasper could hear the flash of Garnet’s visor being dissipated. She knew if she turned around, she would be met with Garnets eyes. She refused to make eye contact, keeping her back to the fusion. “What if I’m put off by you?”

“Then you don’t have to talk. I just thought you might like to talk when it’s just me. I wouldn’t judge you for anything you say- and I wouldn’t tell the others without your permission.” Jasper began to mumble to herself. “If you’re talking to me, I can’t hear you.”

She turned around, looking at Garnet’s hands instead of her face. Looking at the two gems that seemed so close. “What if I deserve to be judged?”

“The only one judging you here, is yourself.”

Jasper let out a loud laugh. “I’m pretty sure that Pearl and the Runt are judging me. Probably that pink earthling too.”

“You didn’t mention Steven or I.”

Jasper’s arms loosely crossed into each other, one hand flailed around as she spoke. “Roven is very emotional, and any judgements she makes seem naive, however sometimes true. You just claimed not to make judgments.”

“Amethyst has conflicts with you being here. I would be happy to explain them, however it may be more productive to ask her yourself.”

“What about Pearl?”

“Pearl may seem judgmental, but really she’s just protective of her family. She sees you as a threat, and is waiting for you to slip up so that she can send you back into a bubble.”

“See!”

“We sacrificed a lot when we began to fight for Earth. We sacrificed everything we knew, and we made those sacrifices for a reason.”

Her arms uncrossed, she threw one arm to the side, palm out. “You all betrayed the Authority for selfish reasons.”

Garnet smiled. “Maybe. But Pearl, she gave up everything because once the war was over, she thought she would be able to live out the rest of her life on Earth with Rose. It wasn’t that long ago that Rose... she’s gone now.”

Jasper grabbed at the hair that fell down at either side of her neck. “Why should I care?”

“Think about how you felt when the gem you fought for wasn’t here anymore.”

She number more of her hair into her hands as she began to hold herself. “No.”

Garnet noticed how Jasper’s fingernails began to claw into her biceps. It would be smarter to change the topic.

“Tell me what your issue is with me.”

Jasper took that moment to look Garnet in the eye(s). “What makes you think you deserve to know?”

“Maybe I don’t, but if I know, I may be able to make changes to make you more comfortable.”

Jasper let go of herself. She glean her fingers through her hair, brushing it back into place. She rubbed her face with her hand, groaning quietly as she threw her options around in her head.

“You could sit down in front of me.”

It was a suggestion, but Jasper treated it as an order. She sat down in front of Garnet and crossed her legs, but didn’t copy what Garnet had done with her hands. 

They both were silent. After a few minutes, Jasper began to fidget. The silence began to make her feel angry. She felt heat rise up in her chest.

“I will not feed into your traitorous propaganda!”

For a moment, Garnet seemed startled. “You don’t have to. You just have to acknowledge our current situation. We are not on the same team, but we are at a truce.”

“This ‘truce’ is fucking ridiculous, and unfair.”

Garnet didn’t flinch. “Elaborate.”

“I am making so many compromises, and yet what is being done for me? What is my advantage of this situation?”

“You were healed. You get to have your body again. You’re safe here.”

“I NEVER ASKED FOR ANY OF THAT!”

“You’re making it seem like you would prefer to be corrupted.”

“I never wanted to be healed. I made a mistake, and corruption was my punishment. It was what I deserved. I told Roven to leave me alone, to not heal me, but she did it anyway. I told you to dissipate me, and yet I’m here. I never asked for any of this, I asked for the opposite. I would rather be shattered than be here right now, and yet this is my reward? The positives for me of this truce, is things that I don’t want. How is that fair?”

Garnet took a moment to think. “We assumed you would rather be here, than a mindless corrupted gem in a bubble. This is an opportunity to be yourself.”

Jasper slammed a fist into the stone beneath her. “I was myself before I came back to this wretched planet.”

“Steven healed you because he thought it was the right thing to do. We-“

“You threatened to have me shattered! Was that the right thing to do?” Garnet frowned, and looked down. “You didn’t say it out right, but you threatened to send me to Homeworld if I defy you, which would have me shattered on the spot for being off-coloured, defective.”

“I remember.”

“Except I’ve been a piece of shit this whole time, and you haven’t done it. My new defects are clear on my skin, and my behaviour has been disgusting. So either you were lying, or that’s not an option anymore.”

“Or maybe our decision making isn’t as expeditious as Homeworld. We prefer to take out time to figure things out, when we can. Like with Peridot. Maybe we don’t think that you’re defective.”

Jasper closed her eyes in frustration. She was picking at her uniform. Putting a fingernail under her boot and flicking it up, just for it to mould back to her skin. 

“It may not seem it at times, but we are trying to be patient with you. To show you kindness, even if it’s not what you want, or think you deserve.”

“Good for you.” Jasper wasn’t putting Garnet off with her unenthusiastic responses like she had hoped.

“What feels like propaganda to you, is us trying to help you cope with your new life. We want to help, but we are still trying to figure out how to help you. You’re not one of us, you’re not a Crystal gem, and I doubt you ever will be.”

Jasper balled her hand into a fist. “I refuse to be one of you, and I won’t be manipulated into joining you like Peridot was.”

“With Peridot, we were in alliance with her for a reason, we had a purpose and goal we had to complete. It wasn’t until after that she decided to be one of us. In fact, she was in the process of betraying out trust when she became one of us-“

Jasper blew on a stand of hair that had fallen over her eyes. “I don’t care.”

Garnet stood up, and put her hand on Jasper’s shoulder. “What I’m saying is that you’re different. You’re not here because we need to fix something together, you’re here because you got sick and can’t go home. We don’t know how to help you, but we’re trying. A big problem is that you don’t think you deserve help.”

“I want this conversation to stop.”

Garnet closed her eyes, and phased her visor back on. Jasper looked away in shame when there’s own tired eyes were reflected back at her.

“Okay. Just know that while you feel we are your enemy, we aren’t actively trying to destroy you.”

Jasper let out a huff. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

Garnet extended an arm to help Jasper to her feet, but Jasper ignored it. She brushed herself off as she stood, and began to stretch.

Garnet gave Jasper a few moments to pop her form back into place, before she began to walk back to the warp pad.

“After the war, this is where we would spar.”

“So that’s why it looks like this.”

“Hmmm. Actually- This was Steven and Amethyst’s doing.”

“Roven and the Runt fucked this place up?” Garnet just nodded. “Fuck.” Jasper was impressed- although she wouldn’t tell them that.

Garnet turned around to face Jasper when they got to the warp pad. 

“I recommend you talking to Amethyst and Pearl at some point. When you’re ready, on your own terms. I believe Pearl may be more... confrontational, than Amethyst. Do with that information as you wish.”

Garnet smiled as took a step back, instead of walking onto it normally like Jasper continued to do. “You can warp us back if you want.”

“No.” Jasper grabbed her stomach. “Activating the warp pads... makes me feel sick now.”

“That’s okay. Thank you for telling me.” Garnet activated the warp pad, and in a flash of light they were back in the temple.

Jasper was annoyed with what Garnet has said. Well- she wasn’t annoyed with the words, but was annoyed at not understanding. 

“Why thank me?”

“It’s important to acknowledge limitations. Whether they’re new or old. You telling me that, helps me understand, and let’s me know for future references.”

Jasper scoffed. “Everything is about the future with you, isn’t it?”

“Sometimes.”


	16. Ad Nauseam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 3: Pull Forward, Push Back
> 
> Jasper has very bad day, and it unfortunately has to get worse for things to get better.

“Oh and after we fought the corrupted gem in the kindergarten, I took on the excellent suggestion to try and grow the organic life elsewhere. Did you know that because of a side effect of the kindergartens being built is that the planet is drained- the local organic life can no longer grow. Even with the aid of more intelligent beings such as ourselves!”

Jasper could feel her eyelids trying to close themselves, as she tried to listen to Peridot ramble. The bags under her eyes felt heavy, and she was sure if she touched them they would feel swollen and tender.

“I’ve read many, many reports, so I am well aware of how busy this planet was, but did you ever get the chance to see the Prime Kindergarten?”

Jasper slowly shook her head.

“What about since... well I am unsure of how to adequately describe your current situation. But have you seen the Prime Kindergarten since returning to Earth?”

She shook her head again.

“You should! I will take you there some time. Amethyst’s kindergarten was very well thought out, unlike your own.”

Jasper winched at the mention of her own kindergarten.

“It was well produced, and I’m sure if it wasn’t for the war, all of the gems that had emerged during Era 1 would be very efficient at their jobs. Although- of course- I don’t support that anymore. So I have been trying to think about the kindergarten in a different way, but I find it hard because I see it and I just want to analyse it. You get what I mean?”

Jasper just shrugged.

“Well I suppose you were never programmed to be invested in these types of things. That’s fine. Thinking about it, I wish that we could find a better purpose for the land. There aren’t enough nutrients in the soil to grow organic life there, like there is in other places, but there has always been a part of me who wondered if there was potential to give empty kindergartens a new purpose.”

Jasper tried to listen, but it was getting increasingly harder. She couldn’t stop thinking about earlier that morning....

She couldn’t focus on the words being said to her. She needed to focus. They can’t know she’s thinking- she’ll blurt out what she found out. No one can know, they already think she’s weak enough.

Peridot seemed so much happier than she had a few days before. Jasper was jealous- she didn’t deserve to be happy like peridot did. She didn’t know if she thought Peridot did anything to deserve that happiness. Simply not being Jasper meant you deserved better.

Maybe Jasper deserved what happened-

“Jasper? Are you listening?”

“What? I was.”

Peridot crossed her arms. “The entire time?”

“No.”

“Well, do you want to talk about something else then?”

“I don’t know”

“Well I don’t know what to say, Jasper.” Peridot sighed. “The last time I tried saying things to make someone happy, and avoided saying things that made them upset- they got upset anyways. Even when I am just stating objective facts.”

Jasper frowned at Peridot. “That’s not about me, is it?”

She got a frustrated groan. “No- it’s about Lapis. I mean it’s not like-“ Jasper couldn’t hear what Peridot was saying. At the mention of lapis, her mind went blank. She watched peridot talk, but wasn’t processing any of the words. She couldn’t even process her own thoughts. “-and that’s why I think you and I are safer here.

‘Fuck. I wasn’t listening again.’ Jasper groaned before speaking out loud. “This is so fucking stupid-“

“Hey! I-“

She cut peridot off before she could defend herself.“I wasn’t talking about you.”

“What were you talking about?- wait were you not listening again!”

“Urg. I just can’t focus, okay?” Jasper’s voice sounded sad. Peridot thought about how you’re meant to help someone feel better when they’re sad... but what to say?

“Jasper- it’s okay. You’re just a bit defective at the moment. I’m sure Steven can heal you if-“

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT..”

Peridot didn’t flinch when Jasper yelled, but she did take a cautionary step back. Jasper had always used her larger form to intimidate her- but she surprisingly had never laid a hand on her.

Jasper could hear the temple door opening behind her- of course her yelling caught someone’s attention.

She paid attention to the footsteps- at least that was something she could do.

‘Great, it’s Pearl.’

Pearl ran between Peridot and Jasper, ready to defend the newest member of the Crystal Gems from the Quartz. “What on Earth is going on here!”

“Jasper is just upset because she’s struggling with-“

“IT DOESN’T MATTER. Just fuck off and leave me alone.” Jasper sounded more hurt than angry, and Pearl picked up on that.

“Jasper, please watch your language... but, you can tell us what’s wrong. We’re not going to-“

“Shut up. Just SHUT UP.” Jasper felt like her whole form was vibrating. “Just leave me ALONE. I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO SOME TRAITOR.”

Jasper couldn’t hear the frustrated groan from Pearl, she couldn’t hear anything other than her own breath. She could feel it fogging up her gem as she buried her head between her knees, pushing them into her eyes.

‘If your diamond could see you now...  
No- I don’t want you back. Stay out of my head.  
I’m your thoughts, I can’t leave. You don’t want me to. You deserve me- you deserve you.’

Jasper covered her ears, as if that could block out the taunting voice inside her gem.

The voices around her and inside her gem went silent. She fell asleep, but it didn’t feel good.

“Hey Jasper.”

She tried to process what was going on. “What, Runt?” She was groggy, and her words slurred together, but she still managed to sound grumpy.

“Wh- runt? Isn’t that what you call Amethyst.”

Jasper leant her head to the side so her hair would move out of the way- only partially successful.

“Roven then.” She groaned and buried her eyes in her arms again. She began to mumble her words. “I thought you were the Runt.”

“Wanna see what I have?”

“No.”

“It’s a box!” Jasper groaned. She said no- why couldn’t Roven leave her alone. “It’s a bunch of old clothes my dad had. I thought you might like-“

“I don’t like Earth stuff.” Jasper is Earth stuff.

“Not even the hat?”

“The fuck is a hat?”

“Jasper! Language.” Oh great, Pearl was supervising. Babysitting.

“It’s like a helmet, but instead of protecting you in battle... it can protect you from the sun. Or the cold. Or just look nice!”

“How would that fix anything!” Jasper was talking into her arms again.

“I don’t know! I just thought because you have a helmet you might like hats and maybe some other clothes-“

“Just leave me alone, Roven.”

“Jasper I just want to help you feel better-“ Jasper felt something snap again.

“HELP?! WHY? I did that bad thing I keep doing. I yelled and I felt bad and it was all in a different way than I’m used to and it keeps happening because of this STUPID FUCKING DISCONNECTION. Because it’s not me, right?” Her voice began to crack as she spoke. “It’s not me? This isn’t me? Please tell me this isn’t who I am now!”

“NO I don’t want to do this again. Not again. I’m sick of this. It keeps happening. I want it to stop.”

“Jasper-“

“Don’t! None of you can help. Everyone’s behaviour is illogical and I can’t fucking handle this. IT’S NOT EVEN THAT YOU ACT OUTSIDE OF YOUR PURPOSE- none of you act how you’re supposed to given the circumstances that I am a gem who has tired to shatter at least two of you, and have dissipated three of you.”

“If you don’t want us to help, then tell us how you think we’re supposed to be behaving.”

“Well you SHOULD shatter me, but since you won’t shatter or bubble me, you should at least have me in a containment unit. You should be interrogating me, not trying to ‘make me feel better’, although I guess trying to convert me to your traitorous ways makes sense.”

“We’re not trying to make you a crystal gem, but we’re also not going to torture you.”

“Then what the fuck are you doing?”

“We’re giving you a chance to be who you want to be.”

“I don’t want to be anything.”

She sat down and curler herself into a ball, like she had the other day. Only this time, Lion didn’t come to comfort her.

She ignored any attempts to talk to her.

Jasper thought they would all leave when Garnet said that they had a mission, but it seemed like only her and Pearl went.

It bugged her. She just wanted to be left alone.

“Yo, Jasper? I don’t know if you can hear me... but you need to stop being so hard on yourself. I know it’s hard but trust me, you’re not as bad as you think you are. You’re just going through it.”

“Fuck off, Runt.”

“Whatever. I don’t know why I’m still trying. I’m gonna go to my room. There’s probably a pile I have to make or something.”

Maybe she should have kept the Runt talking, that way her thoughts wouldn’t trail off on their own. She kept thinking about what she didn’t want to think about-

She looked up to check if Steven was still there- he was sitting on the couch as far away from Jasper as possible. He was reading a book, and would glance up at Jasper every now and again.

He didn’t know what to do when he glanced up to see her staring at him. He maintained eye contact until Jasper felt uncomfortable.

“What was the hat thing?”

Steven quickly grabbed it. He figured he better show her before she goes back to being silent. “This! Here, sit up and I’ll help- I mean let you put it on.” He stood back as Jasper sat herself up, and out the beanie on her head.

She didn’t look enthusiastic, in fact it looked like she didn’t want to do it at all.

“Huh- this is kinda soft. Like the thing... the blanket.” Jasper looked sad for a moment, before looking over to Steven, who was looking through other pieces of clothing in the box.

“Why would you do this?”

Steven looked up at Jasper and cocked his head to the side. “Give you a hat?”

“No- yes? Why would you reward me for bad behaviour?”

“I’m not rewarding you for bad behaviour, I’m just trying to comfort you. You’re scared, and you’re lashing out, being mean, but you’re not hurting us. You might not like us, or agree with us, but maybe one day you’ll learn how to be happy with us. Or at least, happy with yourself again.”

Jasper felt drained, but she couldn’t help but chuckle, as she took the beanie off her head as gently as she could, trying not to tear it with her horns. “Oh Roven, I’ve never been happy with myself.”

“Really? You seemed pretty confident when we met you.”

“Confidence isn’t happiness- it’s not even content. It’s just you thinking you’re better than someone else- that doesn’t mean you think you’re good.” Jasper groaned. “Just ignore me. I don’t want to keep talking- even if I keep talking. This is so stupid.”

Jasper handed Steven the beanie back, but Steven put it down on the couch next to Jasper’s corner on the floor.

“Maybe part of you does want to talk?”

“I understand so little these days, I wouldn’t rule it out.”

“Well, just try and focus on what you do understand.” Jasper grunted. “Do you like the beanie?”

“What is a beanie?” Steven pointed. “I thought you said that was a hat.”

“It is a hat, but that style of hat is a beanie.”

Jasper shook her head. “Why the fuck do you have so many different words for the same thing?” He just shrugged. “Yes- I understand that I like the hat beanie.”

“Do you want to try on more human clothes?”

“No.” Jasper pushed herself forward so that she could lay on her stomach. Her toes touched the wall, and her leg leant against the couch. She crossed her arms on the floor, so that she could lay her face in them. “Don’t put them away.”

Steven smiled. He moved the box next to the lamp. The lamp used to be where Jasper was, but since she had taken to that corner, they had moved it over a few feet.

“What do you want right now?”

Jasper shrugged as best she could, her face was still buried in her arms. Her hair covered most of her body. She felt exhausted.

“The pink Earthing.”

“You want Lion?” Steven’s confusion was easily detected in his voice. “I thought you hated him.”

“I never said that.”

“Hmmm- I guess you’re right! I kinda just assumed that you hated him... I don’t know where he is,” Jasper groaned “but maybe you’d like Cat Steven?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh! The other day Garnet adopted a kitten! Haven’t you seen her?”

“I thought you said it was a casteven.”

“I mean. She’s a cat- I mean she’s a baby cat so she’s a kitten right now. But her name is Cat Steven.”

“Oh great. Another thing that has too many names. Is this some other organic creature?”

“Yeah. She’s an animal. Like Lion, in fact, Lion is a big cat. They’re part of the same family- I guess kinda like gems from the same kindergarten! Not the same, but similar.”

Jasper lifted her head up to squint at Steven. “So you expect me to like a runt?”

“I don’t think she’s the runt of the litter- plus she’s gonna get bigger!”

“Like the pink earthling?”

“Not as big as Lion, no.”

“Urg.” She let her head drop into her arms again, and groaned a little when her gem dug into her arm. “Then what’s the point?”

After a while, she felt something touch her arm. It felt soft- light. Jasper lifted up her head to see a small multicoloured creature in front of her. 

Must be this kitten thing. She remained still as she watched it struggle to climb up the folded arms in front of her. 

She could feel the cat sniffing her gem- it tickled. The noise that came out of the creature was as tiny as the cat herself. 

Jasper stayed still. She let the creature do it’s own thing. She kept watching its behaviour- she noted that it did seem to be similar to the pink earthling in a few different ways.

She kept jumping at the strands of her hair, playing with them. She kept rubbing herself against Jasper. Snuggling into her form to take a nap. Waking up to play with her hair again.

All things Lion had been doing.

Jasper had frowned when she heard the creature making a funny noise- it was also vibrating. She was worried at first, but Roven called it ‘purring’. It meant she was happy.

She liked that.

Jasper didn’t pay attention to when everyone had gradually gathered on and around the couch. She didn’t bother to be curious about whether the mission Pearl and Garnet had gone on had been successful. Besides, they were all doing their own things, as she watched the creature in front of her.

It was so small. Jasper didn’t want to touch her out of fear of hurting her, but she let the  
earth creature touch her until she eventually walked off to explore other things. A curious creature.

Jasper continued to lay on her stomach. She stared at the floor beneath her, keeping her eyes trained on one specific curve in the wood until her vision went fuzzy in a way that made all the difference shades of brown blur together. Every so often her eyes would quickly shift, accidentally putting her vision back into focus and the colours were no longer blurred together.

Just do it again. It made her feel even more tired, but it was better than thinking.

She kept doing that for a while, and didn’t realise she was being spoken to until she felt that small hand on her shoulder again.

She shifted to get Steven to pull his hand back. “What made you so upset? Peridot said it was because you couldn’t focus.” Steven was cautious- questions like these could easily cause an outburst, but Jasper needed help.

Jasper grunted. She thought that was over. She had her little outburst, calmed down, she shouldn’t have to think about it again. But she also didn’t want to be accused of the wrong thing. “That’s not why I was upset.”

“Then why?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She didn’t want to talk about it, but she felt a burning urge to. The more she stayed quiet, the tighter her throat felt.

She kept thinking about earlier that morning.

Jasper coughed through the strings of saliva in her mouth. It was like she was somehow salivating from forcing herself not to cry.

‘Just tell them, it’s not like they can get much more disappointed in you. You’ve already done enough to lower their expectations.’

Stupid voice in her head. “I can’t summon my weapon anymore.” She let herself sound more upset than she had intended. “I couldn’t focus because I was thinking about that.”

The room went silent. Everyone had heard her- not just Steven- and they were all pitying her, she should feel it. Disgusting.

“Jasper-“ Steven reached a a hand out to her “it’s okay-“

Jasper pulled her body away from him. “NO IT’S NOT. IT’S PATHETIC.” She balled her hands into fists. “Your whole thing is that you ‘want’ to help me get better, but I am regressing! I didn’t even fucking know that was possible.”

“We can’t help you if you don’t let us.” Pearl sounded almost taunting, although she hadn’t intended for her tone to come out as such.

“I HAVE BEEN MORE COOPERATIVE THAN I EVER WOULD HAVE BEEN!”

“But that doesn’t mean you’re doing enough.” Garnet’s words hit Jasper like a metal bar through her form.

It hurt, but the hurt was quickly replaced by anger. “Great! So now I’m not even enough for traitors! How dare you say that!” Defending herself and blaming others- going back to the biggest coping mechanism she has engraved into her gem. At least her disconnection hadn’t changed everything. 

“It isn’t a matter of if you’re enough for us, you’re just not doing enough for yourself.”

“If I did stuff for myself I would have shattered you all a long time ago! You don’t want that.”

“That would have been for the authority- not yourself.”

“I AM NOT LISTENING TO THIS STUPID PROPAGANDA!”

“FINE. DON’T LISTEN.” Jasper quickly jumped to her feet to tower over Garnet. How dare a traitor yell at her. Jasper grabbed Garnet’s shoulders and pushed her against the wall. “JUST GO. We don’t want you here- but that doesn’t even matter. We don’t *need* you here.”

Jasper let go and took a step back. “What?”

“I know that you heard me. Leave. You are not needed here. There’s no point in helping you anymore.”

Garnet pushed her hands forward into Jasper’s chest, and knocked her to the ground. Jasper gasped as the air got knocked out of her form. The coughed as she struggled to push herself over.

“We are sick of putting up with you. Maybe we should have shattered you- it would be better then putting up with your behaviour. You act like a freshly emerged Quartz, and we’re sick of your outbursts. You’re not wanted or needed.”

The other crystal gems stood in shock over what Garnet had said. Once Jasper got to her feet, she ran out the door. She refused to look behind her.

“JASPER!” Pearl snapped out of it and grabbed Steven as he was trying to run out the door. “We have to go after her!”

“Steven no- she’s too unstable, too dangerous.”

“She was fine!” He forced his way out of Pearls arms. “She would have calmed down. If it wasn’t for you!” Steven pointed at Garnet. “Why did you say that stuff! Even if you’re all sick of her, I want her here! I want to help her. Doesn’t it matter what I want?!”

Garnet tried to put a hand on Steven’s shoulder, but he pulled away. “Of course that matters. I didn’t mean what I said, and I didn’t want to say it.”

“Then why say it!” Steven felt frustrated. He was sick of not knowing what the plan was- not knowing what to do. He got that Garnet had future vision, but she doesn’t always have to keep the plan to herself.

“It’s just the only thing I could see that would get through to her. She’s not like you- like us- positive reinforcement won’t help her. She has to come to her own decisions and convince herself that’s what she’s meant to do.”

Hours later, it had gotten dark on the beach. Steven had moved his bedding into the seating area next to the door. He had a good view of the sandy landscape below.

“Hey bud, you just gonna sit there?”

Steven didn’t answer as he looked at the beach. He had his blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and his pillow in his arms.

“Amethyst?”

“Yeah?”

“Garnet was right. About Jasper not listening to us saying nice things.”

“Yeah... she’s got more self image issues than I did tbh.”

“I’m worried about her... she’s sick. She shouldn’t be coerced into running away. She doesn’t know how to look after herself.”

“You heard Garnet, she’ll come back.” Steven still looked worried. Amethyst sighed. “Hey, how about I sit up with you?” Steven just nodded.

Amethyst got up next to Steven, and leant against him.

“This still doesn’t feel right, Amethyst.

She sighed again. “Yeah... the right thing doesn’t always feel right.”

“I just feel like none of this is making any sense... Peridot was so much easier.” Steven wished Jasper was easier to help.

“I guess this is just one of those things where we all need a break from it to figure out. Like, Jasper goes out for a while and does her own shit, we stay here and not deal with her. All regroup and bam, everything works out.”

Steven gave a tired laugh. “I wish it was that easy.”


	17. Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 3: Pull Forward, Push Back
> 
> Sometimes self care is living in a forest for a few weeks and learning how to feel some peace out of spite.

Jasper breathed in and out through her mouth. Slowly and calmly. It had been a while since she had sat down and simply breathed. No distractions.

No wondering if the next mission would interrupt her- no crystal gems breathing down her gem. It had been a few weeks since she had left the temple- if leaving was the right word.

She thought back to the moment she was thrown out of the temple. She let Garnet’s last words to her ring through her gem: “I know that you heard me. Leave. You are not needed here. There’s no point in helping you anymore.”

Garnet pushed her hands forward into Jasper’s chest, and knocked her to the ground.

Jasper gasped as the air got knocked out of her form. The coughed as she struggled to push herself over. Once she got to her feet, she ran out the door, not looking behind her as her feet touched the sand.

“JASPER!” 

The didn’t listen to the voice screaming at her. She listened to the sound of her breath. She focused on her arms and legs pushing her forward. She wanted to curl up and push her body forward to spin away- but she couldn’t. She needed to feel the burning in her form. 

Jasper felt like a mess.

She ran long the sand until the sand turned to dirt. The large rocks turned to trees. Branches scratched her form as she ran past them. The only thing that stopped her from running was when she slammed face first into a tree.

Her gem was embedded in the wood. She grunted as she dug her claws into the wood and pushed herself back. She could clearly see in the tree where her gem had hit.

She collapsed to the ground and began to cough. Her hand went to her gem, but she accidentally poked herself in the eye first. Tears began to well up in the eye she poked, but she wiped them away.

‘There’s no fucking way I’m crying because of this bullshit. I don’t cry.’

She slowly ran a finger along her gem- there was a few scratches, but no cracks. Jasper sighed a breath of relief. A light scratch was undesirable, but only a minor issue- but she had to be more careful. She’d gotten a few scratches over the years, but this time she couldn’t go to the sector where they’d get the scratches covered with some odd sticky substance. It didn’t do anything other than make the gem look smooth again- something reserved for the members of a Diamond’s court that the Diamond liked to show off or have represent them. Like Jasper.

Jasper screamed in frustration and punched the ground. She began to scratch her claws through the dirt- this felt all too familiar. “What’s the point of being a solider if you can’t use your weapon?”

Jasper stood up and dusted herself off. She was angry, she didn’t care that she was scratching herself in the process. She began to run again. Deeper into the forest. She wasn’t sure how long she ran for, but even in her frantic state she was subconsciously keeping track of where she was running.

“How useless must I be when a fucking traitor kicks me out?”

Her form felt strained. Her disconnection was fucking her over again- she used to be able to run around an entire planet before her form would collapse from underneath her, and it wouldn’t take long for her to be in a good enough condition to do it again. Now she couldn’t make it through a fucking forest- a minuscule section of a pathetic excuse for a planet without her gem feeling like it was going to fall off

“I was destined to be a useless soldier from the moment My Diamond had been shattered. I wasn’t able to avenge My Diamond, to shatter Rose- and the bastard got rid of herself before I could do anything.” Jasper didn’t actually know what bastard meant, but she had picked the word up from hearing Amethyst play video games while Steven was out.

She kept hitting the water. It splashed everywhere. She didn’t care when her form was covered in it, or when her hair was completely soaked- but she squealed when it splashed onto her gem.

She felt ashamed at her reaction at the noise she made- so she ran again. A new direction , a new set of trees. She ran until she found large stones at the bottom of a cliff. The stone was larger than she was. She slammed a fist against it, just to watch the stone crack underneath it.

“I’ve betrayed homeworld multiple times- in more than just bending the rules to complete a mission.” Jasper fell to her knees. “This planet is toxic.”

‘Blaming the planet won’t help you feel better.’

Jasper groaned as she looked at the ground beneath her knees. It was so gross- everything was so dirty. Her form was still damp too, which only made the dirt cling to her more. It was getting all over her form. The plants were everywhere too- and the tiny Earthlings kept buzzing near here. There were so many, and it frustrated her.

“Why would Garnet say those things? She kept saying I was doing good? Why would she suddenly-“ Jasper slammed her fists into the ground. “THAT TWISTED TRAITOROUS DEFECT!!!” Garnet had said those things on purpose- she didn’t mean them. She used her future vision to manipulate the situation.

Jasper’s frustrated grunting turned into a breathless chuckle. She began to laugh. It came out jagged and twisted. As her manic laughter rumbled her chest, she began to cough up saliva. 

After a while she began to feel sick. She had a headache, and her gem felt like it was throbbing. She stopped laughing sighed as she collapsed completely onto the ground. She wiped her mouth, and closed her eyes.

She felt drained but she couldn’t manage to get to sleep. Instead she listened to the sounds around her. The wind whistled through the leaves on the trees. She could hear different organic creatures make their little noises, but they didn’t annoy her like they had before. She just felt numb.

After that was when she decided to set up her own territory. She liked this situation she had gotten herself into- sure she betrayed Homeworld in misguided attempts to serve it, sure her form was horribly disfigured so much so she could never return to Homeworld, and sure even the traitors had coerced her into staying with them and then leaving them and making it feel like it was her fault- but none of that mattered.

In this moment, Jasper was sitting on top of her shelter. She wasn’t hurting anyone, and no one was hurting her. Breathe in. Breathe out. 

She sat on a large rock in the middle of a clearing she had made herself. Breaking the trees was fun- so was breaking the stone. It was a fairly small clearing, some room for her to tuck herself into a ball and spin so fast the dirt beneath her would be kicked up behind her- at least that was something she was still able to do.

She had covered the dug out area with a large slab of stone. She’d made a temporary shelter out of smaller slabs of stone- it was just big enough for her to crawl into and drag yet another slab of stone over the covering.

Jasper liked to sleep in the dark, plus, if anything came across her while she slept, they’d just think it was a pile of rocks in the middle of a small clearing. She kept meaning to expand the area, but would get distracted by nothing and everything.

It had been weeks since she’d seen anything other than the organic creatures that crawled out of the trees into her cleaning. She would crush the bugs, but anything much bigger than that would run away at the sight of her. She liked that.

‘You have no responsibilities, nothing left but yourself. And you have the audacity to let that calm you?’ - The little voice in the back of her gem kept piping up, but Jasper ignored it. She was too busy breathing.

It felt nice to breathe. Nothing pulling her down- nothing to go back to. She felt like she was forgetting something, and she was okay with that.

You can’t always go to sleep when you’re tired, but nothing was stopping her anymore. She had nothing to do. So she slept whether her disconnection told her it was needed or not. If her thoughts came back, she would just lay down and let her from drift in and out of consciousness. Even if she couldn’t get to sleep, it was preferable to lay down and act as if she would.

If that didn’t work, she would run around scaring off the organics and making a mental map of the surroundings around her.

Jasper sighed. She felt tired. So she crawled into her shelter, shifted the slab of stone so that it would cover the opening, and slept.

...

Steven stood in the moon base. He shouldn’t have said anything about his dream- Lapis wouldn’t have left. She was already upset enough about Jasper being back, he should have known Lapis would leave at the mention of the Diamonds.

He felt crushed, and conflicted. What had his dream meant? Had Pearl done it? He looked up to the mural of Pink Diamond. Lion gently brushed his head against Steven. “Lion, I need you to take me to Pearl.”

Steven jumped onto Lion’s back, who gave a loud roar. He quickly jumped into the portal and emerged out the other side. Steven slid off of lion and looked around- it was trees? This wasn’t home.

“Lion? Lion please, I want- I need to go to Pearl.” Steven groaned. Lion was often helpful, but he was also frustrating. Lion collapsed to the ground with a grunt. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry.” Steven put gently this hand on Lion’s snout and sighed. “Just rest, I’ll stay with you.” Lion curled up against Steven and closed his eyes.

Steven sat down next to Lion and leant his head on Lion’s soft mane. “Okay Lion... I’m going to assume you brought me here for a reason. Are you trying to show me something?”

Steven was anxious- he could only think about his dream. As Lion rested, Steven couldn’t help but yawn. He felt his eyes droop as he got more settled. His dream had interrupted his sleep, maybe it was okay for him to drift off to sleep...

The morning light shining through the trees woke Steven up. He groaned as the light blinded him. He covered his eyes as he went to

Steven needed to pee. He threw up his hands dramatically. “Curse this human body.” Lion rolled over- pushing Steven’s legs out from under him. He fell on top of Lion. “God- now I really need to pee.” Steven looked around- he was not peeing where Lion could see him.

“Okay Lion. I’m back. Do you need to pee?” Lion huffed at Steven and curled his legs under himself. “Nooo don’t go back to sleep- I need to get home.” Steven groaned. “WAit- do you even pee?”

Lion didn’t respond- how rude.

Steven frowned as he walked up to Lion. “Are you okay buddy?” Lion still seemed so exhausted. Steven sighed. “You’re not just being you, are you?” Lion looked up at Steven before curling his head into his body. Steven gently patted his forehead.

He desperately wanted to get home- but he wasn’t going to abandon Lion. He also didn’t know where he was, and would probably get himself even more lost. Steven’s tummy gurgled.

He stood up. “I’m just gonna go into your mane for a second.” Steven jumped into Lion’s mane. It was a good thing that Connie had told him to put some bottled water and non perishables in Lion’s mane for if he ever got stranded somewhere with Lion.

He quickly grabbed a bottle of water and a small box. He gasped loudly as he jumped into the ground and flew out of Lion’s mane. He managed to land on his feet, but dropped the things in his hands in the process.

“Hahaha whoops.” The contents of the box was now on the ground. Luckily it was all packaged properly- well, it wasn’t luck, Connie was well prepared and made sure it was only covered food in there. Steven picked up the protein bars and dried fruit packets before grabbing the water bottle and sitting next to Lion.

Steven took a large bite into a protein bar and began to speak before he swallowed. “Connie is so smart.” He gulped the mouthful of food down. “I’m lucky to have her around.” Lion flicked Steven with his tail- probably in agreement. That’s what Steven told himself anyways.

Steven finished the bar before he ate a couple packets of dried apples, then some raisins, and drank the rest of the water. When he was done he scrunched the bottle up and put it in the box, along with the food wrappers. Connie had told him it was probably a good idea to do that so that he could ethically dispose of his waste later.

He stood up and walked back around to Lion’s head. “Can’t go littering. That’s not good for the environment.” He quickly put the rubbish back in Lion’s mane.

When he came back out of Lion’s mane, he heard a noise. It sounded like running. Grunting. It could be a corrupted gem. Lion heard it too, he lifted his head up and moved it from side to side until he determined where it came from. His legs shook as he lifted himself to his feet, and pointed his body in the direction of the noise. He lowered his head and showed his teeth. He wasn’t strong enough to fight.

“It’s okay boy, I’ve got this.” Steven turned around and summoned his shield in a panic. Please don’t be a corrupted gem. Please don’t be a corrupted gem. Please don’t be a corrupted gem.

A blur of colour cracked out of the bushes and scraped along the ground, a dust cloud flying around it. Steven panicked, he couldn’t see properly but he was sure it was a corrupted gem. His body felt strained as he widened his shield so that he could protect Lion. He had no idea where the gem was, and he didn’t have a weapon.

Steven coughed as the dust flew in his face. He heard a loud grunt. The dust settled and Steven could see what he was up against. “Urg- what are you doing here?”

“JASPER!”

Jasper frowned as she crossed her arms. “Don’t sound so surprised. You were the one who-“ Jasper was cut off by Steven dissipating his shield and running towards her. She stood back and raised her fists, before Steven wrapped his arms around her leg.

“Jasper! Holy cow, I’m so glad you’re safe. I’ve been so worried about you.”

Jasper grabbed the back of Steven’s jumper and pulled him off of her leg. She lifted her arm so that they were face to face. “Never do that again.”

Steven crossed his arms so that he wouldn’t slip out of his jumper and fall to the ground. “I’m sorry.” His eyes were filled with tears- probably due to the dust. “I’m just happy to see you’re safe.”

Jasper let go of Steven, and turned away as he hit the ground with a loud thud. “Why wouldn’t I be safe?” He groaned as he picked himself back up.

She began to walk away. “WAIT! Jasper! I need your help-“

Jasper scowled as she spoke. “Why should I help you, Roven?”

Steven pout his hands up, almost in defence. “I just need help getting back to the temple. I don’t know where I am, Lion can’t help because he’s super weak right now from teleporting me really far twice.... we just need to get back.”

Jasper took a moment to respond. “Where’s the pink Earthling now?” Steven pointed behind him. Lion was curled up again, and covered in dust. Jasper ran a hand through Lion’s mane, cleaning it for him. “Heh- I’ve missed you.” Her words were quiet. She meant it.

Jasper began to dust Lion off. She would usually crash through a few trees to make a loud noise to scare larger Earthlings off, and she kind of liked how easily she could move the dust just by a gluing her feet a certain way so that she would slide as she landed a jump. 

If she had of realised it was the pink Earthing, she wouldn’t have done it. She still doesn’t like the dirt on her- despite liking doing the thing that made the dirt go everywhere- and she was sure the pink Earthling didn’t like being covered in dust either.

“Roven, I don’t want to go back to the temple.” She was still dusting off lion, who had began to sneeze. “I’m not welcome there.”

Steven looked at Jasper. “Yes you are!”

Most off the dust was off of Lion, so Jasper stood up to her full height over Steven and crossed her arms. “Have you forgotten what happened before I left?”

Steven looked away. “Oh- uh. I actually had for a moment.” Jasper scoffed. “But I promise, it’s okay, you can come back!”

“Why? Because Garnet said those things specifically to make me piss off so that you didn’t have to put up with me for a while?”

Steven rubbed the back of his neck. “I wouldn’t say it like that-“

“But it’s true. She wanted me to fuck off so I’d figure my own shit out, because I’m an inconvenience to you traitors.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Jasper was surprised over how emotional Steven was being- although she felt like she shouldn’t be. All the Crystal Gems were over emotional- and this thing was half organic, half Earthing. “She was tr-“

“Trying to help? Yeah, how helpful.” Jasper wrapped her arms around Lion and lifted him off the ground. He made small noises of disapproval as she readjusted him over her shoulder, however made no other efforts to object. She held him so that she could hook an arm under his back legs and hold onto his front legs with her other hand. His head leant down along her arm. “Follow me.” 

Jasper began to walk off before Steven could keep trying to help her understand. Steven jogged to keep up. He had to jump and float to keep up with her fast walking. “You know — how to — get home?”

Jasper grunted. “No, I thought it would be fun to carry the pink Earthling while I lead you further into the woods so that we can socialise or I have to be responsible for you- yes I know the way back to the temple!”

Steven smiled. “Thank you.” Sure Jasper was being a bit of a prick, but she wasn’t trying to kill him AND was helping him. So that’s two pluses.

Jasper stayed silent as Steven tried to make small talk. She ignored him when he asked her how she’d been. What she had been up to. If things were okay between them. It wasn’t until he mentioned the Diamonds that she responded. “What?”

“I said I’ve been having Diamond dreams again. I saw something to do with Pink Diamond and...” Steven paused for a second, he probably shouldn’t have mentioned Pink Diamond around Jasper. “-I need to talk to Pearl about it.” 

Jasper had began to walk slower, and Steven didn’t need to jump to keep up. She was walking slower because she was worried she would hurt the pink Earthling by dropping it or hitting it against a tree without realising- it totally had nothing to do with also slowing down so that the human could keep up, and if it did it was only because he was bugging her. “Diamond dreams? What?”

“Dreams... about the Diamonds. I had dreams about Blue Diamond before she came to Earth... When Connie and I left for a few days... I had a dream when we were Stevonnie... I thought I told you about them?”

Jasper just shrugged as best she could. “I don’t remember.” She wondered when Roven and her human companion had left, maybe it was while she was in the forest- what’s a Stevonnie? Doesn’t matter. “It’s possible you did, but it seems more efficient to act as if you didn’t.”

“Well, it was why we had to go to the Zoo.”

“Heh- I had forgotten about that. We should go back to the Zoo again.” Why did Jasper say that out loud?”

“Yeaaaah... we don’t have the Ruby ship anymore.”

“I’m not surprised. You Crystal gems are very irresponsible- I’m surprised you managed to stay alive for so long.” Steven was clearly hearing Jasper, but she felt like he wasn’t listening, so she stopped talking. She was only talking to cover up the fact she had indirectly admitted she wanted to the other Earth Quartzes again- although Roven didn’t seem to care much. 

They continued to walk towards the temple. About halfway there now. Jasper found herself not enjoying the silence. “You mentioned my Diamond earlier.”

Steven looked up at Jasper. She was facing forward, forcing herself not to look down at Steven. “She was in my dream. Kind of. I couldn’t see her properly, but I know it was her. I just need to talk to Pearl about it.”

“Why Pearl?”

“She was in my dream too... I need answers.” 

Jasper recalled her own dreams- she could only remember a nightmare or two she had. “Dreams aren’t real. What’s the significance?”

“My Diamond dreams meant something the first time- I dreamt about Blue Diamond, and then she was on Earth.”

Jasper frowned. “Are you part Sapphire or something?” Jasper shrugged her shoulders as she felt Lion began to slowly slip. She readjusted her grip so that he wouldn’t fall- but she was gentle so that she wouldn’t hurt him.

“No- it does have something to do with my gem though. I think. My powers are linked to my emotions, which can be very frustrating.” Jasper gave a small chuckle as Steven sounded annoyed. “But I think Blue Diamond was already on Earth when i had the dream the first time. I was just connecting to her somehow through my gem in my sleep.”

Jasper nodded. “Like you did with me when I was in my gem?” It had only been months, but it felt like years since her corrupted mind was replaying all the traumatic (and sometimes not so traumatic) events of her life to her in her gem. “In the ocean too, now that I think about it.”

Steven looked at the ground. “Aha- yeaaah... I also did it with my friend Lars once, and with the cluster.”

Jasper blinked a few times as she processed what Steven had said. “You connected to the cluster?”

“Yeah! WAIT! Oh my god- we never told you the cluster isn’t a threat anymore!” Steven spoke quicker towards the end of the sentence, which threw Jasper off for a second.

“How is it not a threat?” Jasper raised an eyebrow. “It’s an incubating geoweapon with the soul purpose to destroy this miserable world.”

“Yeah- hey Earth isn’t miserable!” Of course Jasper had to grunt at that. “It’s a lovely planet, anyways I had a nice chat with the cluster when we drilled down to kill it- and I helped it bubble itself, and now it’s a good guy and we didn’t have to hurt it.”

Jasper gave a tired laugh- of course Roven had somehow found a way to trick the cluster into being on their side. “That’s so fucking dumb.” Crystal Gem strategies seemed stupid and confusing to Jasper, but she had to admit that they were often effective.

Steven smiled. “Just goes to show with the power of friendship, you can solve anything.” Steven motioned his hand in front of him as he spoke- the now almost playful conversation was a nice distraction.

Jasper shook her head through her chuckle. It surprised her, but after spending the past weeks talking to herself and trying to push down the negative voice in her head; it felt nice to talk to someone else. Plus she was carrying something as heavy as Lion while navigating someone else to a secondary location. 

It felt like a little mission- she didn’t realise it, but she was letting herself enjoy this moment.


	18. Back to the Temple Again / The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arc 4 - My Diamond
> 
> Steven convinces Jasper to stay, before he has an important conversation with Pearl.

“Oh my gosh! Jasper you got us home!” 

Jasper stopped at the edge of the forest as Steven began to excited run ahead. It was like a boost of energy had coursed though him, after complaining about how sore his legs were for the past hour. 

She stayed silent as she watched Steven make a fair distance before realising she wasn’t by his side anymore. “Aren’t you coming?”

Jasper lowered herself to her knees so she could gently pull Lion off of her back and place him on the ground. He stood in front of her and licked her cheek. At least he was seeming better.

She instinctively grunted and wiped her face with the back of her hand, before she began to stroke his mane. Jasper heard the crunch of the sand beneath Steven’s feet as he walked back towards her. Lion pushed his head under her chin and rested it against her neck- it was like a hug.

“Jasper?”

“I don’t want to go back to the temple Roven- I already told you that.”

“Yeah, but I thought-“

“Thought what? That a walk through an ecosystem would suddenly make me change my mind? I’m not like you lot- I’m better on my own. It’s better for everyone.”

Steven raised his arms above his head. “How is that better?”

“I’m not getting in the way,. I’m not being a disappointment. I’m just out here, managing myself. A burden to no one, and no one is a burden to me.”

“But you’ll be alone. Do you want that?”

Jasper looked up at Steven to see his sad face. He was pitying her. “It’s better.”

“No it’s not!” One of Steven’s friends had just ran away from him, he was not about to let someone else leave. “I want you back at the temple! You say you won’t be a burden to us out there- well then we’ll be constantly worried about you and having to check up on you to make sure you don’t kill a bear or something.”

Steven was trying to challenge her logic, even if that meant stretching the truth, but Jasper was lost. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ll be less of a burden with us. I want you back there- Amethyst wouldn’t mind getting to know another Gem from Earth! Garnet seems to like you, and Pearl seems to enjoy your company... at times. Even when you two are fighting, you’re having fun getting to fight someone. You might not be one of us, but that doesn’t mean you have to run away.”

Jasper looked back down at Lion, watching how the hairs of his mane brushed through her fingers. “I’m not running away.”

“Yes you are.” 

Jasper scoffed. “Think what you want.” The voice in her head crept back up to call her a coward, but her shoved it back down. 

Steven sighed. “Look, I’m not trying to take you away from what you’ve got in the forest- if you really like being there, that’s good! You’re allowed to like things. I just want you to be here too.” Steven didn’t think anyone deserved to be alone, even if they thought it’s what they deserved. Lion gave a small roar and licked Jasper’s face again. “Seeeeee- even Lion wants you to stay.”

Japer groaned. She pushed herself back onto her feet. She looked down at Lion who seemed to blink slower than normal while looking up at her. She groaned again, for a dramatically extended period of time. “Fine.”

Steven’s smile grew on his face as he jumped higher than Jasper and clapped. “Yay! Now let’s get home so I can talk to Pearl.”

Jasper frowned as she followed the small being across the beach. She hated the crunch under her feet. She didn’t understand why she was giving into Roven like this- maybe because it was easier? Maybe because it shut him up.

Maybe it was because she didn’t want to be alone, not really. She liked the solitude, but hated the loneliness.

Steven began to walk up the stairs, but Jasper’s feet stayed planted on the ground. “I don’t want to go in.”

Steven turned around and looked down at Jasper. He looked at Lion next to her- he nudged against her leg so that she would pat him again. He wanted to help, but he needed to talk to Pearl. His gut told him it was urgent.

“I’m going inside. You can just stay here with Lion for a while, if that’s what you want? I’ll come back for you later- or you can come inside when you’re ready.”

Jasper nodded. Lion continued to nudge Jasper’s leg after Steven went inside. “What do you want, Pink Earthling?” Lion huffed- Jasper groaned. “Fine- what do you want... Lion.”

Jasper felt herself worry that she’d displeased Lion- which almost made her laugh. She was worried about what a Earth creature thought of her? She was getting more and more ridiculous by the day.

Jasper turned around to see Lion jump under the house. He seemed to want her to follow.

She jumped over the gap, and crashed headfirst into a bush. She pushed herself up and scowled at Lion, who somehow seemed to be mocking her by just standing in front of her.

It was uncomfortable at first, but Jasper sat in a bush next to Lion. She wrapped her right arm around him and rested her head against his mane.

She stroked his mane with her spare hand, and eventually just started to twist part of it between her corrupted fingers. She did it gently, brushing it out with her claws before doing it again. It felt nice under her fingertips, but she also didn’t want to hurt him.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting with Lion when she heard the beach house door shut. It made her jump. Her grip on Lion tightened slightly.

The footsteps on the wooden planks above her made some sand fall. She felt annoyed as she shook it out of her hair- making sure to sweep off whatever sand had landed on Lion.

She definitely did not miss the sand when she was in the forest. It was worse than dirt.

The footsteps began to walk down the stairs. Jasper stayed silent as she watched Garnet take one step at a time. She stopped partway down the stairs- right in front of where Jasper and Lion were sitting.

Garnet took two steps down and sat on the step she had paused on. Jasper could see her entirely. She was sure Garnet knew they were, but she just looked out into the ocean.

Silence.

Lion made a noise as he stretched, causing Garnet to give a small smile. But she didn’t say anything. Her smile dropped and she shifted her visor- she still didn’t say anything.

Jasper felt the dull oceans breeze flow around her. It was warm, but cool at the same time. It brought sand with it. The silence tugged at her gem until she couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I don’t appreciate being manipulated.”

“Sorry.” The apology was dry. What else was Jasper expecting? 

Jasper scoffed. “Whatever.”

“Tell me what you think you were manipulated-“

Jasper cut her off. “No”

“Okay.” It bugged Jasper that Garnet was just. Sitting there. The silence bugged her because she didn’t know what was happening, but Garnet did. Garnet got to see every possibility without even having to think it through. Was Jasper jealous?

Jasper thought it would be a nice ability to have. To just know instead of think. If they fused Jasper would be able to stop having to think, she’d just know. It would be nice to be like that again. 

Jasper suddenly jumped up, almost hitting her head on the wooden planks above her. She covered her ears. “NO!” She jumped out from under the house and stood in front of Garnet.

She didn’t mean to say anything out loud, but she needed to get that idea out of her head. She can’t be entertaining thoughts of fusion again- especially not with a traitor.

Garnet leant back, her mouth was slightly open. Had Jasper surprised her? Jasper found herself chuckling. She shook her head and crossed her arms. “I said I don’t like being manipulated. I don’t just want a ‘sorry’ that you don’t mean.”

Garnet seemed cautious as she stood up, but not surprised anymore. She hadn’t seen Jasper’s small outburst coming, but she did expect something like this.

Garnet took a few steps down so that they were roughly at the same height. She lifted her hand to her visor, and dissipated it. Jasper tried to stay composed as she looked into Garnet’s eyes.

Jasper hated looking at Garnet’s visor, but it always felt daunting when Garnet removed it. It was like Jasper was forced to feel like every word was genuine when she wasn’t hiding behind other people’s reflections.

“Jasper I am sorry. I hated doing it, but I couldn’t see another way.”

Jasper tilted her chin up and looked down at Garnet. “Why should I believe you?”

“I’d been putting it off for weeks. You were getting better- you are getting better. But you’re not letting yourself see it that way. You needed time alone- you needed time away from hating us.”

Jasper watched as Garnet looked down to watch Jasper point a finger to her chest. “There were so many other ways you could have told me to fuck off for a while, instead you chose to publicly degrade me.”

Garnet gently slapped Jasper’s finger away. “But they wouldn’t be effective. Every day I tired to see a new way that would work- but the timelines kept ending in disaster. I saw many different ways you could have outbursts. Ways you would hurt us- and even worse ways that you would hurt yourself. I saw you wouldn’t be willing to voluntarily take my advice in such a way. I had to trick you, and I am sorry.”

Jasper looked over at Lion, who had fallen asleep under the house. “Who cares? I don’t want to talk about this shit anymore. Let’s just go inside.”

“If that’s what you want.”

Jasper tried to push past Garnet, but as she was shoved to the side, Garnet grabbed Jasper around the waist. Jasper wanted to summon her helmet out of instinct, but it wouldn’t come.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING.” Jasper tightly gripped her hands around Garnet’s upper arms- hard enough to easily break a humans bones. Garnet didn’t say anything. Jasper realised she was giving her a hug- she let go of Garnet and awkwardly held her arms out, not wanting to touch Garnet.

The second Garnet let go, Jasper began to walk up the stairs again, turning her back on Garnet. “You looked like you could use a hug.”

Jasper began to grumble to herself before raising her voice. “Maybe warn me next time- I could have dissipated you.”

Garnet jumped up the side of the stairs to land in front of Jasper near the beach house entrance. Her visor was back, reflecting Jasper’s uninviting face. “Nice to know there will be a next time.”

Garnet quickly turned her back to Jasper and opened the door. “That’s not what I meant and you fucking know it.” 

Jasper stood inside the doorway as Garnet continued to walk in. She felt awkward returning to a place where the last memory they had of her was her being humiliated.

Amethyst blankly looked up at Jasper and scooched over on the couch to make room on it. Jasper quickly walked back to her corner next to the couch- she looked at the ground in shame as she silently sat down.

No one said anything for a few minutes. Jasper watched Pearl pace back and forth- she wondered if it was because she had returned until Pearl glanced over at her, looked away before quickly giving a double take and jumped back out of fright. “Jasper! Is she safe?”

“Oh I’m not in any danger at all.” Her smug look quickly dropped when Pearl didn’t respond.

“That’s not what she meant, and you fucking know it.” Jasper let herself smile at Garnet quoting her.

Amethyst suddenly screamed. “GARNET. OH MY GOD.” Amethyst began to make clashed mess of supportive noises as she laughed at Garnet’s words. 

Garnet gave a grin. “Don’t tell Steven.”

Jasper frowned. She couldn’t see the little hybrid anywhere. “Where is Ro-ven.” She directed the question at Pearl. “She wanted to talk to you.”

“His name is Steven... and he is in my gem.” Pearl rushed the second half of her sentence.

Jasper looked confused as she looked up at Pearl. “Dude- what? Is that some sort of Crystal Gem punishment? Forced to endure...” Jasper waved her hand up at down at Pearl “more of you.” 

“No. This isn’t normal. Pearl...” Garnet sounded concerned, but Pearl seemed distracted. Usually Pearl would have yelled at Jasper at multiple points of this interaction, but she was standing with her hands to her face, looking anywhere but at anyone else. “Pearl!”

Pearl jumped at Garnet suddenly raising her voice. “I just needed him to retrieve my phone...”

Garnet hummed to herself as she stared at Pearl. She wasn’t convinced, but she wasn’t going to say anything else. She didn’t know what to say.

There was the familiar silence again. Silence when alone was expected and easier to handle, but silence when around others felt tense.

Jasper’s blanket wasn’t in her spot on the floor, but she didn’t feel she had the right to ask about it. She couldn’t even remember if she still even had a blanket, or if she had ripped another one up. It was better not to say anything if she was unsure.

There was a noise. Jasper looked up to see Pearl looking at a human device- a phone. It was another form of communication that Jasper had no care for- if it couldn’t contact off planet what was the point?

“Steven‘s coming out now.”

Garnet and Amethyst got off of the couch and walked over to Pearl- making sure to give her space for Steven to emerge from her gem.

A noise came from Pearl’s gem, and there was a flash of light. Steven’s body materialised- looked tired.

“I know...”

Pearl looked just as tired, but in a different way. Like a weight had been lifted from her. She covered her face again, and her eyes looked like she was about to cry. “I wanted to tell you for so long.”

“Mum was Pink Diamond.”

It took a few moments for the weight of his words to sink in for everyone in the room. Jasper couldn’t hear the conversation once it started happening around her as the initial shock seemed to ware off for everyone except her.

The ringing. The numbness. Why did every new piece of information- the constant waves of realisations- make her feel this way? It was getting old, but it didn’t change how intensely she felt it.

“Jasper?” She didn’t realise she was clutching her waist- as if that could help settle the nausea she felt in her throat. It was like the inside of her form was trying to push it’s way out in anyway it could.

Think of an excuse. “I have a stomach ache.”

“You don’t have a stomach.” Amethyst seemed concerned.

“I don’t care.” Her vision became blurry as the way her body felt began to change. It was like there balloon swelling inside of her stomach, her chest, her throat. It felt like if she opened her mouth, all her light would escape her.

Keep your eyes closed, your mouth shut, keep yourself together.

There was too much pressure. She couldn’t keep it in. She hunched over and hugged her legs to her chest as she began to cough- nothing was coming out. How could it? There was nothing to come out. She was just a dull light inside- a dimming husk of what once was.

She opened her eyes to see Garnet sitting next to her on the couch with her fists clenched- Jasper could see Garnet was feeling the same things she was. She watched Garnet’s from tear itself apart, her halves replacing it- yelling at each other- but Jasper couldn’t hear it over the ringing.

As she felt a cold rush of air surround her, Jasper decided to do the same. She let her body fall apart, and retreated into her gem.


End file.
